The Pain of a Lost Friendship . . .

The pain of a lost friendship eats at your soul, nags at your heart
You try to black everything out but it tears you apart
You try to shove it in the back of your mind, never to be revealed
But everything reminds you of your best friend that suddenly disappeared
It hurts to think of the times the two of you had shared
Like days when all you seemed to do was care
Tears are your constant companions that you try to fight on the outside
But the constant pain of missing them is always on the inside
Don't ever let true friendship go
Let it flourish, let it grow
Then maybe you'll never have to feel
The things that I have written here . . .

Author : Unknown

Courtesy :4minutesperday



I felt each and every word in this poem very true. There could be many reasons for loosing a friend. And if its a true friendship
every one who lost their friend would feel the pain. Have you ever tried to reach her/ him and apolize for whatever has happened, albiet the mistake is not on our side? If so have you got ur friendship back? Come on... then you gotta cheer up for being such a lucky person.

Hyderabad blues...

Hyderabad....I hade been to this place almost three years before. I came here after my btech for GRE coaching. Then I came to this city with lots of hopes to fly abraod for higher studies, then nothing seemed to be important for me other than my further studies. Most of my classmates were busy searching for jobs. But for me and Shanti everything was after MS in USA. We were very confident that we wud definitely do well in GRE and get placed in reputed universities. All our future plans were filled with the obsession of going to a phantasy world ....the only pinch that we had was that we wud be missing our parents and friends. Those two and a half months were memorable. Right out of the college days with many aspirations, without any knowlegde of the world around, filled with lot of enthu that made us think that anything is possible, all that we need is grit. Never new that lil bit of fate too is required. Shanti and I planned for many things together, hued our world with
amny colors.....today am again in hyderebad but with a different purpose and with no future plans, no friends around me. Earth is round and the world is small. I keep visiting the same places and same people many a times in my life.





I never thought that I wud be in touch with most of my classmates, but wud miss the ones who are very dear to me. Once friendship used to matter a lot to me but now it just doesnt hold any special place in my day-day life. I meet many people in my dialy life. But none of these hold a lasting realtionship with me. Yeah now I should not expect for any more lasting relationships. Sometimes this makes you feel free or not being (emotionally)dependant on any one. You like to spend time with someone you
just do it and if you dont want them to disturb you, you have your own freedom to enjoy the solitude. Solitude or austerity???? Am I getting confused between these two....cause nothing interests me these days.I love to be alone lost in my thoughts. No brooding over the past, no planning for the future. Zus idly thinking about what you want, without others influence on ur thinking. Or is it that I have become selfish or egocentric? I need some one to share my sorrows, someone to crib about my problems at work, but when it comes to other mattes I want to be alone. How selfish I am? Does everyone feel the same or is it only me thinking that way.

When I came to Hyderabad on my job in the first month I desperately wanted to get married so that I can run away from here, so that I will have some one to crib about my problems. But now I dont find that need. Its not because things at work have changed but it might because I got accustomed to it or is it that I don have enough time to crib about things. For me marriage just seems to be a silly temporary solution for my problems. Once they get solved I no mroe think about it. God...save the poor chap if my perception about marriage remains the same :).....But not in the near future that i want to get married. Probably I need some time to really decide on what 'sharing' means to me. otherwise I wudn't be doing favor neither to me nor the one whom am getting married to.

Little Things...

Life is not always about the people we live with. It has got some more stuff like books, movies, music, memories etc. We tend to be in some one's company, listening to their gibbers. Not many enjoy thier solitude. We keep complaining that life is boring. We think the person next to us is enjoying her/ his life and try to mimic what she/he does. we fail to see what interests us. We do not try to contemplate if that is what we are looking for?

For example, if some one says that they enjoyed thier weekend watching a movie we try to do the same in order to tell some one that I too enjoyed my weekend in doing such-and-such a thing. We try to see happiness from others perspective. We keep listening to others are deaf to what our heart says. In doing so we again get bored soon and start whining about life.





How about introspecting what happiness means to us? How about speculating little things which full fill our lifes? Life is never boring. Its our creativity to make it interesting. When we think with an open mind, things are crystal clear to us and we can enjoy each and every moment of our life. Look at the little things and hail your life with open arms.

Life is an unasnwered question
which do not need any discretion.
Life is a procession of unforeseen changes
Heed to your heart to clear all these hazes.
Life is a track of ups and downs
Life is a path of twists and turns
Do not wail on the past to make it yours.

Passing years...

Its Dec 31st, end of the year 2004. Now am in Orcle India Pvt. Ltd, Hyderabad. Where I was at the begining of the year and where am I now? Hope the same happens with the year 2005...but not the same experience as of Oracle. But a good one....nething would be good when compared to this. I think my life is all about repenting for the mistakes of my fate. Repenting for not goin for higher studies, repenting for quitting Infosys. I dont wanna blame fate alone in this. Yes am not that bold to face life...stand still and fight against the odds and continue pursuing my dreams/ passions/ interests. I satisfy myself blaming my fate. I zus think of coming out the situation that am in but fail to find a solution to solve it.


Last 31 Dec....it was not at all noticeable. I was very busy with work schedule. This time I hav been hearing plans for the new year eve from my collegues/ friends since a week. I hav time, but no one to spend it with. What a pity?!!! In Infy I had many friends but we never used to hav time for ourselves. But here....yeah I hav enuf time for myself...yes only myself. Is that all I wanted? May be...I was so stupid. I was trying to find time but loosing maby friends/ fun. I was looking for a change but I had no idea of this sort of change. I used to think that time is the most valuable thins one can possess in their lives. Bhut therz no use in having it when you don make use of it to hav lasting memorable moments in ur life.

I felt very sick in the afternoon, I zus called up my parents and wanted very badly to go to Madanapalli. Again am zus trying to run away...Again this feeling of loneliness is striking me. What is that I want? Sometimes I like to be all alone lost in my thoughts but sometimes I feel like having someone to share those thoughts with. If independance means being alone so that no one wud interfere in your thoughts and no one would be there to tell you of your thoughts are right or wrong the I don need it.


I get easily irritated for no reason. And I blame someone for that. Come on gimme a break. I shud stop this and start cheering up msyelf. No one could give you happiness/ sorrows, its all in one's perspective of what happiness r sorrow means. May be I haven't yet seen what happiness is exactly about. I get bored of everything n nething very soon. Am lacking interest in most of the things, once books and music were my passion. Nowadays I read books r listen to the music zus to pass the time. Zus to forget my very own existence, so that nothing matters to me. Why is that always I try to ponder on all the negatives things that hav happened in my life. Why cant I be positive, optimistic? God something is really bad with me. Whenever I think of the college days tht I hav spent with Shanthi/ Bindu I miss Shanthi. Why cant I be happy thinking that atleast Bindu is with me? This is a never ending saga....

Humdrum...

Life sometimes seems so still as if the whole world has forzen.

Chasing Dreams...

We often succumb to what life brings us rather than fighting for what we want. Zus wondering is there something called 'fate', so that we can blame it for our failures or impuissance. Inspite of working hard to achieve what we want, if we do not get it, does that mean that we are a failure? Are we not worthy enough to have it? Everyone would ahve gone thru a phase of life where nothing would have been in our control and we just see the game that the life plays with us. There come a situation where we need to priotitize things and its sad if oen has to forgo their dreams.





We dream many things an look forward to pursue them, to make them come true. I do not see anyone who is satisfied with his/ her life inspite of all the luxuries/ comforts he/ she has, if one has not achieved thier dreams. Inspite of all the happiness one enjoys they always have a pinch some where in the corner of their heart that they could not make their dreams come true. It doesn't matter what you have today, all that matters is have you got what you wanted? Time may heal many things but never a heart that hasn't quenched its thirst for making its dreams come true.
But still we tend to dream and that is what we are - human beings, always with a hope for betterment. Few are lucky enough to pursue their dreams. We might have to forfoet our dreams for umpteem number of reasons, but all of them being excuses for our cowardiness. If one is ready to take the risk to reach his goal there is nothing that could stop as the whole world conspires in helping you to achieve it.

A Relation...

What is a relation? NO wonder there would be many explantaions/ interpreatations for this? But do we really mean what we say? Most of us in this present world of modernization give importance only to materialistic things but not for those values/ principles/ morales/ thoughts. Today in any sort of relation people tend to be more practical. We meet many people in our day to day life, we share many things with the ones who are close to us or to say with the ones with whom we share a 'realtionship'. But when the time comes when we no longer need them we just ignore them or forget them with time.





So theres no realtion that speaks of care/ love/ affection. Its just a need. Our lives have become so busy with work/ job that we sometimes dont prefer to have any relation. A relation now means a dependency either it is an emotional dependancy or any other. And everyone strives to be independant. But is this a positive or negative chanege?Would this world exists if everyone tries to be indepandant this way?
Whether its a parental relation or a wife-husband realtion or a realtion between two friends...they are sharing a relation for a reason/ need but do they really mean life/ world to each other? People marry cause they have to have some partner in their lfie to share their happiness/ sorrows. May be am talking about some eternal realtion which is beyond sharing.
We dont have any explantion or definition for such an eternal relation neither does it has any meaning. We love a person cause we feel better when we are with him/ her. We will be fiendly with someone cause they have same interests/ opinions like us.

A relation is mere dependancy on the one wih whom we share it. Theres nothing like...I cnat live without ones parents are withour the one whom we love r ...etc etc.
We need to live with ourself, with ur inner conscious, which always talks to you. Its upto you to listen to it or losten to others. ONce you explore urself you dont need any one to stand by ur side. Ur an independant soul which can reach any far off land without any ones help. There are no boundaries that can confine you.

Hope this message reaches you

As the time passes by, our friendship seems fading
Day by day with the hopes wading
Away from the promises that we made
To be togther in thick and thin till the end.


We together saw how beautiful the simple
Things in life are
We wished for each other looking at
The falling star
Our lifes filled with fun and grace
Making this world a better place


I could not find one reason why you left me alone
On your way as unknown, taking away my soul
Just leaving behind the memories of our relation
Which I would cherish for the rest of my life

I long to tell you how I feel
With the pain which only you could heal
I wish you the best wherever you are
I walk on my road of life pretending
That we are friends forever.




This is dedicated to you my dear friend( Shanthi).
I dont think I have been so much dependant on anyone
else apart from my parents. I still hope that we will
have those days back again...

Tanhayee ke gum mein ;-)

kahi khwabon me intezar bankar kho nahi jana
meri zindagi me ek rar bankar pyar le aana
meri rahonme humsafar bankar sath dena
meri yadonme hamesha ke liye ek bahar bankar reh jana
tum ek sapna nahi mere apna bankar aa jana

Don't Be Lost In My Dreams

I see myself snuggled in your arms
With your gentle touch of care that is so warm
With the spells of your becharms on me
When I am with you I find the child in me

I will never fear as long as you are near
Whispering the words that only I can hear
Come into my world to dry my last tear
To give me life and not to leave forever.



Though I have felt you many times, I haven't seen you yet
Lost in your world of love each moment your thoughts cleave
you have been a hopless dream which only I can believe
Make it come true so no more I need to peeve
And make everyone realize how much I Love You.


I can stop waiting, I can stop dreaming
But could I stop ny heart that beats only for you...
If the only place I can find you is in my dreams
I would sleep forever...
The love in me will never ever die.

Whose mistake is it???

Jyothi is one of my close friends. She is a woman with strong thoughts but
most of the times fate doesn’t help her in achieving/ doing whatever she wants. But she has been a successful woman in whatever fate chooses for her, cause of her hard work or sincerity or as her criticizers say ‘mere luck’.

She loves to be independent and the best. That is one of the reasons why she is still alone in her life though she has a very good family and lotz of friends around her. It was not recently that she realized that she needs a company in her life, someone who is for her and only hers. Finally she decided to get married.

Her father brought a proposal for her. They were asked to exchange their photos. His name is Surya. He too was a successful guy from the IIT’s and who was placed in one of the top companies. Moreover he was also working in the same city. His family background also being good everything seemed fine for her parents and they thought they have found the right match for their daughter.

Few days after they had exchanged their photos there were mails and phone calls between Jyothi and Surya. Jyothi was also impressed by the guy. She was for the first time experiencing those caressing and loving words. She too thought that the day has come where her thoughts should be filled with “We” rather than “I”. As any gal would dream she dreamt of her marriage and married life. It wasn’t so long that she was taken aback by a truth about Surya.

As usual she wanted to start that week with lotz of hopes. But that Monday she received a mail from Surya which was supposed to change her fate. She thought that would be one of those flattering or admiring mails that he used to send her. But this wasn’t a usual mail. Surya was a diabetic patient. He had to write that “before we go any further you need to know the fact that am a diabetic patient”. But he was ready for a negative response from Jyothi's side.

That day night when she got call from her parents she informed about this and they immediately have to drop the idea. Jyothi was left in confusion. She was not given time to think about the feeling that she has for the guy –“ pity or concern or anything more than that”. At last the marriage proposal was cancelled. The following day she got the last mail from Surya but she didn’t reply to that. Now Surya is gone forever from her life. As per her parents think it was a bad dream we ought to forget it. Sure she can forget that but can Surya do the same? Can he forget that he is a diabetic patient? What if he comes across the same again?

Is this a marriage called? Or a barter system? She was so confused whether to accept him for his honesty or to go by her parents decision. What if she came to know about that after marriage? Whose mistake is it???

Jyothi’s – for not being able to take her own decision?
Surya’s – the only sin he did is to suffer from diabetics and being honest to tell the truth?

Surya’s Parents – for not revealing the truth and for wishing to see their poor son married like any other would?

Jyothi’s Parens – for rejecting the proposal and for only reason to reject was to see their daughter happy with a best person beside her?

Marriage system’s - which only cares for credentials but not the feelings?

Or Fate’s – this time the victim being Surya????

Harshitha

Deep in my heart, you had been
Away from the world that is so mean
Hiding yourself for the reasons unknown
With the feelings that are so strong
But been put aside for too long.

But today I see you beholding my emotions
With streched wings unfolding without any hesitaions.
Giving form to my feelings that were felt
And the thoughts that were dwelt alone in the corner of my heart.

You are not just words put together
But my memories lasting forever
You are my reflection, my satisfaction
You are my secret for an endless joy.

When Hope Betrays U...

I knew her from my childhood. We have been together in thick and thin.
We faught with each other many times and still some bond keeps us
together. I know her as a girl who's very confident and bold. A girl
who's very sincere in whatever she does, who’s a very hard working
person. I saw her dreaming to be a cardiologist. Cardiologist was her
dream profession. She made herself so much dedicated to studies that
she forgot enjoyment in her life.

None of her family members liked her taking BiPC. Her parents being
very conservative wanted her to take MPC a course where we have umpteen
number of options for our career. They were reluctant to take risk in
case of a girl as it is not easy to get a seat in medicine. She has to
fight against them to take BiPC and choose cardiology as her profession.
She is very determined in such cases and I feel proud of her for this.




But was it worth fighting with family? Was it worth working hard for
three years? At the end of three years she did not get seat in medicine.
All her hopes were futile. All her dreams were bereft by the fate. Fate
played with her and she was the looser and victim of the time. We were all
shocked to know that she could not get thru and we were more worried
about her reaction. We thought no one could console her get her out of her
Depression.Theres nothing we can do if hope betrays you. Was it her fault to
dream of being a doctor? But none of us expected that she is that sportive.
To paraphrase her words, "It’s very painful to know that you have
put down the expectations of some one who has confidence in you rather than
putting down your own expectations. I expected to be a doctor and I could not,
but none of you liked me to be a doctor so I did not put down any of your
expectations. And in whatever you do it sincerely and to the best and leave
the rest to fate. Do it whole heartedly and when it doesn't come to you don’t
take it to heart ". I felt each of her words were very true. Yesterday is
like a dream, today is fate and tomorrow is hope.

And the girl whom I have been talking about is none other than my younger
sister. This is the bond that keeps us together.Am proud to say that she is my sister. A person is not called smart if he/ she is in great position and has achieved so much in life. What’s the use when u miss the basic thing "happiness" in our life. Smart are those who face all the odds in life and still be happy.

"It’s not your fault to dream when the hope betrays you .....
But dream always to be happy"

Life...

Many a times I have made an attempt to understand what life is!!!
I used to have so many questions, many thoughts, and many concerns about life. I wanted to have my life in the way I wanted it to be...so many plans...so many dreams. Now when I stop and look back most of my dreams are either not fulfilled or they are so surreal. As kids we would have made our plans for being a great sport star or an actor or a successful business man or a super man if they are too fanciful. These are some of the plans for life. As the time goes we come to know that some are just unrealistic and some are impossible. We need not regret for them...in fact we should be happy for being so creative. Apart from these there are many other petty plans that we make which are part of life and which make our lives worth living. These don’t seem to be unrealistic but still not being implemented cause of many reasons. Hmmm...even in this case we need not regret as it is all in the game of life. We run so much to reach the goal of life but fail to know that we cannot run after the time. Time....the only thing that changes our life, heals many things, answers many questions. The only thing one can do is stop brooding over whatever has happened and accept the life the way it comes to you. Don’t try to change your life but change yourselves to make your life worth living. Don’t try to understand life, as one life won’t be enough for it.



And for me life is...
Sweet memories to ponder
An endless story to share
Treasured moments to cherish
Seasons of sorrows and joy to pass by
And finally a reason to live
For you and your loved ones.

On 'My' Way to 'Our' Life

Walking alone on the road of life
Seemingly endless without you beside
No earthly joy makes sense to me
without your presence next to me

U make my life beautiful
filling my way with flowers of love,
sprinkled by the showers of care

U make my journey meaningful
showing the bright colors of happiness
with the dark shades of sorrows to share



I'll be waiting to c u where our roads cross
gateway to the joy that spans miles across
Remember to meet me there where...
...my road to our life starts...

Hoping for...

When the days get tough, when you find yourself lost in the world we look for a support, for a patient ear that can listen to you. And evryone thinks of their
close pal, but as the time runs we loose friends cause of negligence, anger, or
just circumstances. We are just left with their thoughts, the good times that we have spent with them, the support that remains with us.

Though our lives have gone in different directions am happy that I still have
those thoughts to treasure. Doesn't matter how busy I am but still I dont miss
out a chance to check mail from my friends. An email with a joke for the day or words of comfort for something going on in my life. It always comforts me to
know that I have some mails by the end of the day to reply. Hopefully this friendship day brings back me those friends who are lost cause of the reasons
unknown.Hope I can say with vanity that my friendhsip doesn't die or fade with time.

Its not a question... an answer for a better life

Has many forms, with many definitions
Has no boundaries, which can span miles and oceans
Doesn't grow old with time, which cannot be bought with a dime.

Bunch of promises to keep, without any hunch for sharing secrets
Starts with a "hai", grows with faith and never ends
That brings smile to ur face, having it in ones life is worthwhile.

My dear, its not any riddle nor a puzzle
its the best part of everyone's life .....its "Friendhsip"

HAAPY FRIENDHSIP DAY

I am sorry "MA"

Most of the times I have been hearing to the comments "ur so rude ", "u dont mind what others
think", "u dont have control when you are angry", "think before you say something".But I never used
to accept it...according to me its my way of behaving or responding.Afterall everyone could not be alike
in this world.

I did not repent till I had to face this situation with my family member - my mother.
I work in Bangalore and I go home every alternate weekend. And I carry my address book wherever I
go.My mother is very conscious about keeping things organized. She doesn't like anything lying here
and there. Even in our college days she used to arrange our book racks and mismanage them like she
used to keep them along with my sister's books and I used to find it difficult to locate my boooks. So if something is
lost or not seen in my home she was responsible. It happened many a times not only with me but with my other
family members as well.





And that day my address book was missing.I had to call up my boss to ask for leave and his number
was in that book.And we were not supposed to take leave without his permission. Everyone in the
house started blaming her for it. It had so many other important contact numbers.We searched a
lot but we couldn't find and I had to come back on monday to office. She was also very much upset for that book.
But all that she can say was I dint see it.But I had to say harsh words to my mother for which I repent for the
life time.I did not even bother to say bye to my mother while coming back to chennai.


Finally I reached my hostel and to my shock the address book was on my bed. I felt so bad and embarassed
for whatever I did at home and I rushed to pick up my cell and ring home. At the same time my cell rang
and the call was from home.As soon as I picked up the phone my mother had to say " Sorry da, cause of me
u were not able to take leave". Poor lady she had to accept the blame for something which she is not responsible for.
Tears poured down my cheeks. And I was not able to speak anything for few minutes. And I pulled up all my
courage to tell her that the book was with me and is not lost. But her reaction was "thank god u dint loose it".
But she did never complain for the words I spoke to her. The only person after God in this world who can forgive
you is a "MOTHER".Even today whenever I think of this I feel so sorry for my mother and without my knowledge
my eyes will be filled with tears.

Recollecting my statement "Afterall everyone could not be alike in this world". Everyone will not be as bighearted
as a mother is.First time in my life I had to accept that I was rude, I was harsh. Cause of my ego or whatever
I was not sorry for my rudeness.I was not bothered to think about how far others were right. But today I fell sorry
for those who are hurt cause of my rudeness or foolishness.

U n Me

In a cool summer night
U n Me in the full moonlight.
Spell bound in delight
cozy in each others arms
watching the sky filled with stars.....

Though we are mum
our herats singing in rythm.
Hope the time too stops
So that I can be forever in your eyes
and melt in your warm arms.



May not the spells of fate nor angels
above us haul away our love for each other
The love that takes us to the places that we have never seen before.

The Voice am in LOVE with ...

My mobile was ringing when I was in deep sleep. It was almost 12 in the midnight. I was very reluctant to pick up the call.But I had to..I said "Hello" and there was no voice from the opposite side. I was like who is this calling  in the midnight !!! Now with my voice lilraised I said "Hello...".But this time a soft voice said
 " Hello darling !!! Wish you a happy new year ".




 In this busy life I forgot that it was last day of the passing year and the whole world is celebrating the eve of new year. Being in a private organization I had to work on the next day that is January 1 st too. As I was very tired I had to go early to bed. Most of us runfor the race of life and forget or forgo many things in our life...those gossips with friends,teasing others, silly fights, lieing to parents for being late to home, those tensions during exams, bunking the classes and watching movies, we miss a lot. We are so much isolated withworld that its difficult to remember important dates or ocassions.Theres a lot of change in mylife atleast from college days. We used to remember most of our friend's birthdays, and startpreparations before one week to give them surprise gifts. We used to count on for holidays. Now it hardly matters whether it is a saturday or sunday or any auspicious day. We used to cherish each and every moment of our life. Now theres no time to think about life if not to cherish about it. Our lives have become so mechanical....I was not aware that time changes a person so much...the way he or she thinks, their habits etc. We have to forgo our hobbies, interests, many things.
And in the midst of this busy life that voice made a magic. I was spellbound with those words.I did not bother to think about who it was. By the time I came back to this world from my thoughtsthe line went dead. I said "Hello" again inspite of knowing that the line was disconnected. Till todayI dunno who it was .............that sweet catching voice of a boy who would be around 5-7 years old.We both may never meet again in our lifes. He may forget this as he grows old and moreover it wasone of many wrong calls that he made on that day. But it made a lasting impression on me.
   The voice that made me think for a while....the voice that took me into my past....the voice that made me realize what am missing...and the voice I am in Love with.