I Don't Know

Creativity comes from emotions? At least in my case I have to feel something for my mind to think differently. For my mind to react. Or else, am just there. Present but absent minded. Again, if am extremely happy I go as dumb as I could be. I need to feel empty, to do something. To think. To act. Is this a normal behavior? I don't know. If I need to feel low, incomplete, angry, frustrated, or sad, every time something creative has to come out of me, then I would prefer being dumb and happy. Damn! Should not a good thing result in good? I am complicated.

It is so easy to say "I Don't Know". As if I don't owe anyone a response, a reaction or a simple answer. And why do people accept this answer of mine? That bites me. As though that is what they wanted to hear from me. Only one person(?) who does not take such answers from me is Leo :-). He does know how to make me run, make me care for him or make me attend to him. No matter what. He does not give up till his expectations are met. He is the only one who is challenging me right now. Funny, yeah! Even now, as I write this, he is eagerly waiting and doing all his cute gestures to take my attention off this laptop and go for a walk with him. Even he knows what he wants! 

May be my problem is that I want so many things! I don't seem to like to have a simple life. Complicated seems to be the buzz word for my life.  Crazy me! I NEED to do something. Something beeeeeg. Something crazy. Something different. I thought marriage is such a BIG thing, but am falling in line with the concept of marriage that it looks like any other project that I am working on, where in everything is under control.

Language Is Overrated

One of my Facebook friends shared the link below on their wall. Love the story though not sure if it is fiction. Wonder how human beings in spite of all their evolution, civilization blah blah, they still cling on to dreams, hopes, fantasies and top of that imaginary language they use to communicate. So true, I feel the same with Leo. He communicates better than human beings do. He gets so close to each of us though he hardly uses any words. We humans have evolved so much that each of us know more than 3 languages and yet we fail miserably when it comes to reaching out to the other person's heart. Somehow the little gestures that matter have been forsaken which zap the magic in our lives.

Read on - Elizabeth & Paul

Memories Are Always Rotten

De ja vu. I experience this quite a lot. Just when I started typing this post I had a De ja vu. Read so much on this concept and it still is intriguing.

Leo. Well, just yesterday is when I visited a hospital. Took Grandmother to get POP removed. No, visiting hospitals is not over. This morning we [ Mom, Grandma and I] found Leo limping. He seems to be having a problem with this left rear leg. And got an appointment in the evening. I am so tired of *taking care* of people. Anyways, all I can think of now is, Leo. I want him to be of sound health. I want him to be fit. Hope all is well with him. Can't wait for the Doc's appointment.

Last weekend I watched this Woody Allen's movie - Another Woman. I must say its Woody's best. Movie ends with this line "Is memory something that we have, or something that we lost?". This is exactly what has been on my mind lately. All those memories that I have cherished, longed for and have cried over, are just times that are lost. Gone. Past. And I was thinking that life is not about making memorable moments. Cause a memory good or bad is always a past and there is no point spending even a single moment on it. So I want to lead a life not to build those memorable moments but just living each moment to the fullest. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to look back and laugh, smile or cry over any of it. I wonder why I am blogging to this detail if that is the case!

Yesterday I my day at work was very grumpy. But guess what! I started the day with the same nasty mood. It was less than half an hour I realized that it was yesterday and today everything fell in place and got resolved. So it was a very peaceful day at work. I worry way too much. All I have to do is just wait and a take a breath and all is fine. It is true most of the times. While taking a breath I need to learn to shield from my emotions. My biggest challenge. Someday I will achieve it. Till then just wait. Just Wait. Well, coincidentally this song was being played on my music system while driving,

One thought that kept me nagging all the time. The thought of how a person who does so many mistakes can get away with it and be happy! Though I have not harmed anyone intentionally, have not lied to anyone, cheated anyone and who always takes the right path, suffer so much. Most of my suffering is emotional/ psychological. Guess it's my conscience. And people like Skunk, do not have a conscience. But should not they be punished in a way that makes them realize? Oh boy! Is there justice in this world? I do not know why this bothers me so much. It depresses me so much that others get away with anything while I don't seem to take even one step ahead without paying for mistakes that I did. Irony is that most of the times I do not know why am being punished. Sad part of my life.

But I will not give up! I will not succumb. I am very determined to be happy. And stay happy. Leo is my inspiration. No matter what condition he is in, every time a person walks into my kitchen, he goes behind them anticipating some goodies. He does not miss one single time. No matter what. No matter what time it is. He is determined. And so will I be. Love you Leo.

PS: This is the first time I ever mentioned Skunk on my blog, though my hatred for him has been nursed for sometime now. I tried hard to not mention him, not because I forgave or forgot, just because he is a filth not worth to be mentioned on my blog. But could not resist for long ;;-).

A Treat to Oneself

Feb 27th - Mar 1st. Long weekend? To me its been a short weekend. What has been making my days shorter day by day? What’s been keeping me busy, occupied? Two things. One, my pet Leo. Two, cooking. Of course apart from the job that I have which pays!

LEO: I can go on and on about this funny little puppy, Leo. There has never been a day when I did not smile or laugh cause of him. He commands all the attention from me, claims all the love for him, and in return he gives me a LIFE worth living.

 I need no alarm to wake me up, he wakes me up with his whining for his mornings nature call. I have no fear sleeping alone, cause I know that this angel of mine is watching over me. When am driving back home, I know that a LIFE is waiting for me to be back home :-). I know that the moment I step into my home, he would greet me with such a passion and love that my days miffs are gone in a whiff. JUST LIKE THAT!

So apart from office work my second job is to take care of this monster. This employer pays me with lots of love, happiness, and a fun-filled life. I spend most of my time cleaning up the mess that he created whole day being at home, feeding him, playing with him. Finally, when he gets tired, I get to my third job, where am both the employer and the employee.

COOKING: There is a place in your sweet little home, which few discover quite early, which few lethargic people like me avoid. But a place where everyone some or the other day has to step in. Am sure everyone would have a story to tell about their travails of this place. Well, am talking about that refuge in your own house called KITCHEN. For few this place is such a comfort, a place you elude to from the stressful or a boring mundane day.

It took quite a long for me to explore this place. Better late than never. Living in a city alone, one or the other day you are bound to find it. And am glad I did.

I have heard people talk, write and experiment cooking, and how much they enjoy doing that. I was not able to relate to them. But now I do. Though I have not done any experiments yet, I enjoy cooking. There were days when I complained cooking for oneself, saying its such a boring task to cook for oneself. But this long weekend I decided to please myself in every possible way that I could. I bought fresh flowers, I my favorite chocolates, ice creams and I treated myself with a nice home cooked food.

This is when I realized different colors of vegetable and how yummy they look, how they turn into a different color when cooked or fried. How a combination of different spices adds to the taste. Mouth watering flavors...and seasoning your food adds to your own aesthetic sense. Cutting vegetables is such a nice stress buster ;-).

Well with this my new job of being a chef at my home restaurant I find 24 hours in a day not sufficient to juggle between a job that pays, a dog that is 3 months old and a life that runs at the speed of time :-p.

Que Sera Sera

I watched 'Marley & Me' movie this year in Feb. Since then I have no idea how many times I have seen this movie. I am not a pet-lover. But today I have five Gold fish and a Labrador Retriever. My Marley is named Leo. Yes this movie or book tells you about the most loyal friend in life. Who does not want one such companion? I ordered this book online the day I got Leo. While reading this book, every time I smiled, every time a tear rolled I wanted to hug Leo.

This book is based on John Grogan's[ the author] personal experiences with his 'worlds-worst' dog. He talks about inevitability in life, finiteness of life, yet how to be optimistic about all of it. Author says that the true master was his dog who taught him this. It moves you in many ways, that you would not know the reason for your tears...its funny and at the same time touchy. Its a story of unconditional love, patience and eternal optimism in life.


Marley is the craziest, unruly, dog, yet he is bigger than life. Most of the times it has been only a pain-in-the-ass to the author and his family. Grogan describes how Marley was part of every moment in his life. How he has been there always, yet not noticed, not missed till he is no more part of their lives. To Marley, life is to be lived  to the fullest. All it knows is to love life and enjoy every moment as though it cant get any better. In his farewell  column author, acknowledges that even a worlds-worst dog can teach life’s best lessons.

 "...things that really mattered in life? I believed it was. Loyalty. Courage. Devotion. Simplicity. Joy. And the things  that did not matter, too. A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbols mean nothing to him. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but  by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophisticated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not. As I wrote this farewell column to Marley, I realized it was all right there in front of us, if only we opened our eyes. Sometimes it took a dog with bad breath, worse manners and pure intentions to help us see."

Last few chapters in which Marley fights his age and health issues are very emotional. Our pets cannot live longer than we do is a hard to accept fact. At the end, I cannot really decide on who is to be appreciated, a man who loves his animal with such undeterred love and patience or Marley, a man's best friend, who has such passion for life, impeccable loyalty and devotion to its master.

This IS NOT a book just for animal lovers. And I promise this book would definitely put a smile on your face.

By the way Title of this post means "Whatever will be, will be" in Spanish, and in case you are wondering what it has got to do with this review, you gotta read the book ;-).

This review is also posted at MouthShut.