Confidentiality

How tough is it to keep a secret? OK, agreed. It  might be a little difficult if especially the secret is of a person who is your enemy or whom you don't bother about. But why do people make these mistakes of sharing secrets of their close confidants. Is Trust antique? Does this exist anymore? Are people to be trusted for their integrity?

Forget about secrets, even small details people have this urge to discuss, share, spread. Rumors. How much they enjoy spreading them. What is it that makes these people happy about doing this? I feel good about myself when I contain someones secret. I feel valued when someone confides in me, and I take it as an obligation to keep it with me forever. I see no joy in doing it otherwise. 

I really want to know what goes on in people's mind when they let out a secret. Are they trying to win a new friend by letting out another friend's secrets? Last time when I did that...was in my school days. It was to get back at one of my friends who became my enemy. Does this trick still work? Hurting someone by letting out their secrets? Have not people grown up? 

I really value silence. I really think not sharing is the best one can do to themselves. With time everything shall pass, and there really is no need to share a secret with anyone. Somehow being less open to people made my life peaceful. Even if I share I ensure that the person I share my secrets with, have no connection to my family, professional life or the rest of my friends. It was difficult to find these unique pearls, but am glad I did. People with character, integrity and most importantly respect for me.

A problem at work I share it with someone from my personal life who has no way to connect to my work life. Not now, not in future. A problem in personal life, I share it with some good old friend who cannot again connect back to my family or people close to me. I might be different to different people, but keeping my secrets is as important as to keeping my identity. My sanity.

Dilemma

How can you like and dislike the same person? Strange! Or am I confused? Fooled? This is happening to me again. Most of my best relationships have started on fights. Komal, my childhood best friend at the age of 10 yrs, was my enemy to start with. And today she is the first friend in my life that I remember. Shanti/ Sirisha, my college friends, I hated them initially. They were the people I dreaded to end up being friends with. 

But right now am going through a dilemma, I hate this person for her/ his morals, value system or whatever you call it. I do not like the way s/he behaves or thinks, like people who have given up in their lives. Who just want to blend in with something. Who constantly want to please the other person, even though they do not mean it. Who are basically questionable when it comes to trusting them. I like people who are bold, straight forward. Who are in other words 'what you see is what you get'.

Anyways, coming back to my dilemma, I don't know what I like in this person. The basic trait of pleasing everyone around is appealing to me? I don't think so. I can make out what is phony. Then am I hoping that deep down this person there is a kind, gentle, sympathetic, friendly heart that is true? But why? Is this what you attribute to astrology? :-P

My experience or history says am eventually going to ignore all these negativity and end up being friends with this person and repent later for my decision on compromising on my values. Nope, not again....Why the hell do I need to trust someone? You will know by the end of this post, why!

What do I like in this person:

1. Smile 

2. Soft, gentle nature [ Which is very dubious to me ]

3. Knows exactly how to please a person, any person for that matter. Which is a worthy talent

4. Knows exactly what is the other person's weakness. Ha ha ha, not figured mine yet

What do I don't like in this person:

1. Pushover personality, not energetic, chooses least resistant path

2. Selfish, who is not?!

3. Not truthful or honest

4. Unstable mentality

5. Looks down on women...there you go...yes the person in question is male :D

6. Favors mediocrity, I have no idea why?

7. Political mind

I better stop here, else the list of things I don't like will keep growing and THAT is not good for me. Yes, unfortunately not liking this person is not an option for me :'-(, the reason why I need to workaround this matter and clear the mess in my brain.

TRUST - A Movie Review

Trust, movie by David Schwimmer. Yes all time top ten  TV Series FRIENDS actor, fondly known as Ross Geller. He is the director of this film and he has done a great job. I knew he is talented actor and he proved it as a director as well.

This movie is recommended for many teenagers who are so caught up with Internet chatting. I would say this movie is not only for a teenager but every girl who has been tricked and fooled. Whose trust has been abused. For every girl who trusts, believes in people thinking that the world is a better place. Who has been emotionally and/ or physically abused.

Annie is 14 yrs old. She is not a stupid foolish girl. She is smart, confident and courageous. She is good at what she does. It is shown many a times in the movie that she loves volleyball and that she is a star player, who is treated dependable by her coach. Yet like any other girl, she  has to face the crude reality of life. She is assaulted and exploited sexually by a stranger on the Internet.  For only sin that she committed. Yes sin of trusting. A guy she meets online in a chat room tricks her with manipulative talk and involves her in sex. She is raped. Yes even though it happens with her consent it is treated as a rape when Annie herself realizes that he used her to have sex with her.

This film talks about trust. Inevitability of not being able to protect your loved ones. The agony that parents go through when they have failed in keeping their children safe and protected. The angst, rage that a Father goes through against the one who has hurt his little  girl. About how to deal with the child who is hurt.  And most importantly about how to stop whining over what is not in our control and how to be there to pick our loved ones when they fall.

It takes a while for Annie to realize that she has been tricked. Eventually she accepts it and tries to cope with life, though she knows that her life has changed for ever and it is never going to be the same again. Facing her friends her college, her family members who are sympathetic to her which only makes it hard for her to forget what has happened to her.

My favorite scene is towards the end when Annie's father played by Clive Owen, break down saying that he has failed in protecting his child. He is constantly obsessed with finding the  accused, tracing him. He imagines/ dreams of killing him. He even starts chatting on chat rooms as a young girl to trace this guy. Film captures all these emotions so beautifully. Clive Owen has done justice to his role as a protective father. Great performance by Liana Liberato( Annie ) and him.

This film does not offer justice to the damaged life's/ family. This does not give the vengeance that is deserved by the victims. It actually ends with a scene where in the pedophile is shown as a happily married, having and kid, yeah being a father himself. That's life. That is merciless world.

Pros: Direction by David Schwimmer, Performances by Clive Owen and Liana Liberato.
Cons: None I could think of

Where do you put your trust?

For human beings Trust, Faith or Hope are essentials like air,water and earth. Life is such a complex thing, that we often face difficult situations. Situations might merely be difficult just because that is the first time you are facing it. So we fight, we struggle, we fail or we might succeed. All through this, what is the faith or belief that makes you fight for it? Whom or what do you trust in?

People. Do you go to your best friend? A family member? Or an expert in dealing with difficult situations? If your answer is yes, is your life not a result of the opinions of these people? Of what they think is success or failure? Is not your existence entirely dependent on these people? Can these people be really trusted? What happens when these people are no more in your life? Haven't we built a mental prison for ourselves in doing so?

Abilities. Would your abilities help you always? With your abilities you sure can control the damage but can you control what happens to you? Aren't most of the tough phases in life, which happen to us, are beyond our control. Take the biggest misfortunes like an accident, natural calamities to trivial day-to-day drama where you had been setup by evilness around. Is it lack of skills to overcome such situations or it's just a limitation that has let us down? No one is skilled to deal with more than what life has to offer him.

You.I believe only one person who totally understands you, who can think of nothing else but your good, and who will always be with you in the entire journey, and who would never give up on you, is only YOU. But isn't LIFE bigger than YOU, that putting all your trust in oneself, believing in oneself is not enough? Is this when you put your trust in the Almighty, a force which you believe is bigger than you,  that invisible force above all, called GOD?

God. If GOD is the answer, then how many of us have never failed? How many of us have a LIFE that is nothing but heaven? If the answer is not GOD, then where do you put your trust?
 

Trust

I have major trust issues. I cannot trust in people, situations or my fate. When it comes to trusting people, I do not trust anyone in my family. I do not believe that they will stand by me, for me, or that they will catch me if I fall. Not because they do not intend to, but to them am the supporter. It's the other way, they expect be to be there for them. Friends, well I do trust them, but unfortunately, time and again, all those whom I trust in, are lost, by distance. By my bad fate yet again. So that makes me one sad loner [ like that a$$hole said]? According to dictionary Loner is someone who avoids the company of other people, so that's not me. 

Colleagues at work? No way. I do not trust anyone. Not even my manager. No body. So my Bigboss promised me a promotion so that I will join his team. But I did not trust in him. He said I can change my projects as per my wish, that too I did not trust. But guess what, he has gone out of his way to get things done for me. Just because he gave me a promise. How many people do that these days? Of course I deserve everything that he has done for me, but still how many would fight with people, make few enemies, just to honor talent? Sincerity? and passion to work? I was so surprised to see that he kept his words. I was a bit embarrassed not to have put trust in him and for worrying. Work wise, Sharad[Manager] and Imran[Teammate & Senior] was one team where in I need not have to worry a bit about politics. Life was so peaceful in DCBU. Damn peaceful.

And given any difficult situation in life where patience is the only answer, I have a huge problem in having faith that things are going to be OK. No matter how many people tell me that it is going to be OK, I cannot sleep till the time when things are resolved. I do not remember if I was like this always, or sometime down the line I changed, that I lost faith. I have gone through so much in life. Yet I am here, successful, independent, then why the hell cannot I trust in my fate? Of course at relationships or people I have failed miserably. But can that decide the rest of my life?


Why can't I be positive? Why can't I just TRUST? Why am I skeptical or pessimistic about life? Why don't I have a positive outlook on life? I am being overprotective of myself? Can I blame people in my life so far who made me so negative in my outlook? 


I have DECIDED to be positive. And just TRUST in the best. Let me see if all my fears are real, if all my worries are worthy. Wish me good luck.