Where do you put your trust?

For human beings Trust, Faith or Hope are essentials like air,water and earth. Life is such a complex thing, that we often face difficult situations. Situations might merely be difficult just because that is the first time you are facing it. So we fight, we struggle, we fail or we might succeed. All through this, what is the faith or belief that makes you fight for it? Whom or what do you trust in?

People. Do you go to your best friend? A family member? Or an expert in dealing with difficult situations? If your answer is yes, is your life not a result of the opinions of these people? Of what they think is success or failure? Is not your existence entirely dependent on these people? Can these people be really trusted? What happens when these people are no more in your life? Haven't we built a mental prison for ourselves in doing so?

Abilities. Would your abilities help you always? With your abilities you sure can control the damage but can you control what happens to you? Aren't most of the tough phases in life, which happen to us, are beyond our control. Take the biggest misfortunes like an accident, natural calamities to trivial day-to-day drama where you had been setup by evilness around. Is it lack of skills to overcome such situations or it's just a limitation that has let us down? No one is skilled to deal with more than what life has to offer him.

You.I believe only one person who totally understands you, who can think of nothing else but your good, and who will always be with you in the entire journey, and who would never give up on you, is only YOU. But isn't LIFE bigger than YOU, that putting all your trust in oneself, believing in oneself is not enough? Is this when you put your trust in the Almighty, a force which you believe is bigger than you,  that invisible force above all, called GOD?

God. If GOD is the answer, then how many of us have never failed? How many of us have a LIFE that is nothing but heaven? If the answer is not GOD, then where do you put your trust?
 

Life Full Of Nothing

"The Secret In Their Eyes" is a Spanish movie and how did I end up watching this with subtitles? Well, I do not know how I land on these remarkable movies. Kudos to all the time that is spent on the internet. This movie is so poetic, touching, thought provoking, I only could imagine what emotions  movie could have stirred up, if I had known Spanish language. May be that is why they say language is not a barrier for a perfect art. Performances are brilliant that many a times I did not have to read the subtitles. I could read their eyes and know what they are trying to say!

Basic theme of this movie is passion. Everyone has a passion, that makes them live their life to the full, to the end. Passion is what keeps each of us going on. And this movie is a direct   question in the face, to those who lead their life's without any passion, as invalids. How do people live empty life's?

"A guy can change anything. His face, his home, his family, his girlfriend, his religion,his God. But there's one thing he can't change. He can't change his passion"

Movie starts with Benjamin Esposito, retired from Criminal Court, working on his novel. His novel is a fiction based on his own life, and one murder case that he solved during his tenure, but to which he could not provide justice. Reason? Office politics. And this constantly troubles him all his life. For the purpose of his novel, he revisits the case and tries to trace the murderer and the husband of the deceased. He believes that doing so, will make him be at peace with himself.  Movies goes back and forth in time, with flashbacks of his job at the Court, working with his friend Pablo Sandoval and lady boss Irene.

"How do you live a life full of nothing?"

Irene and Benjamin share the strange relationship of unspoken fondness for each other. In-spite of their mutual likeness, their relationship ends when Irene gets married to a man from her class/ status. He does not express his feelings for her openly, knowing that he can never match her social status. But in the novel he does.

Pablo the alter-ego of Benjamin, an alcoholic, plays a crucial part with the twists in the story. He adds the humor to the movie. This is an important character in the movie and you would know why only after watching the movie.

"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future."

Ricardo Morales, is the widower. He actively follows up on the case, to see that the murderer is punished. His love for his wife is true love. He visit train station everyday hoping that someday he would face the murderer. His pain and suffering is depicted poignantly. He says to Benjamin that killing the murderer is not the punishment, but having him live his entire life in a confined cell, with no hope than to wait for his death, living an empty life, is the best punishment that he deserves. But when the case is closed, he disappears from the city as if he had come to terms with the injustice.

Can Benjamin, after 25 years, find peace? Will his relationship with Irene ever blossom, in his novel and in his life? Are all the sacrifices done by him and people around him worthy of life? Does Ricardo get justice? Or the justice is already done? What is the passion that drives each of these four important characters of the story?

It's a classic movie based on love, crime, life. The ending of the movie plays a lot on your mind, and you just keep staring at the screen, contemplating everything that has been narrated so far and all you can do is nothing but marvel at it. It is true that all through the movie you feel disgust towards the murderer for brutal rape and murder of an innocent girl. But by the ending I bet if you do not feel sorry or pity for the murderer in the story.

It is a must watch.

The Hours of Our Lifes

What is Life made of? Meaningless routines? Regrets? Happiness? Quietness? Peace? Movie "The Hours" is based on life's of three women of three different generations. All they have in common is despair. Hopelessness. Desperate need to find a meaning to their life's and hence happiness. Novel "Mrs Dalloway" connects all these three women. One woman an author,  one woman who reads this novel and reflects on her own way of living, one woman who is actually living the novel.

Virginia Wolf is the author of the book "Mrs Dalloway" who is suffering from depression, hallucinations. She has failed twice with her suicide attempts. She is advised by doctors to stay in a serene, quite place Richmond away from London. Which to her is death. She prefers violent jolt of city life to eerie suburbs. She has a loving husband who is constantly threatened by her suicidal tendency. To her sister Nessa, Virginia's life seems perfect and thinks Virginia is very fortunate to live two life's. One that Virginia is leading and the book that she is writing. Virginia believes that there is certainty in death. Death is the only possible escape for her. This reflects so much in her novel where she is trying to kill one of the characters. When her husband questions why someone has to die, she says "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast"

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard."

Laura Brown is a pregnant housewife with a doting husband and a kid. She thinks she has lost her own life in being a wife, a mother. She is very unfulfilled and struggles to cope with a life that is ordained on her. A life without choices. She makes every effort to fit in, yet she is so unhappy and depressed. All this lead to thoughts of killing herself. What happens to her? Does she kill herself? Does she go back to her family and continue to live a life that does not define her? Or does she make a choice after all which she may or may not regret?

"It would be wonderful to say you regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? "

Clarissa Vaughan is the one who is living the novel Mrs Dalloway. A modern-day woman living with her gay partner. Who reassures herself that her life is not trivial by throwing parties and trying to be a good hostess. This is a meaningless routine that she builds to make her otherwise meaningless life worthy. She has an adopted girl child, a good career, a loving partner. But she cannot get over her young love Richard. Richard is an award winning poet, gay, and is suffering from AIDS. Richard and Clarissa share a beautiful relationship. Clarissa regrets her decision of losing her true love, soul-mate, friend Richard. She feels insignificant without Richard.

"Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't  go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have  been happier than we have been"

All of these woman have someone who loves them, who have something to carry on their life's with. But life is not about the hours that we live isn't it? It is not those meaningless hours that you spend on routines, years that you spend on trying to hold on a thing which is not you. Life is not the choices we made or not made. Life is about moments. Right there. Right then.

"I remember one morning getting up at  dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And  I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness.  This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It  never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was  the moment. Right then."
This movie may not be a perfect drama, may not help you in finding a meaning to life. May not give you a perspective. But it shows life as is and the rest is left to viewer's interpretations. Most of the movie is up for  your own perspective. This is not a sad story either. There are lot of positive messages through out the movie.


"To look life in the face, always,  to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know  it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always  the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the  hours."

I love the movie for the direction, and brilliant performances by Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julian Moore. Awards that they got for this movie are well deserved.

Letting Things Happen

I realize lately that all the best things in my life so far have been those which happened to me. And which turned out to be the best. For my good. When I trace back to every good thing in my life, family, friends, education, career, my pet Leo, all of them happened to me. I know friends and family are never our choices :-). But I also know of few people in my life whom I wanted to be my friends forever, are not there anymore in my life. Is that a good thing, I do not know, but am thankful for those friends who happened to me and who are still in my life.

Choosing computer science as my major in my graduation happened to me. There were many people who opted out of it, during the recession period thinking that there is no future for computers. But am glad I landed in this field. The companies I worked or working for. Places I lived [ Oh yeah Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad & HSR Layout, Bangalore are my favorite places on earth, I would like to blog about this sometime soon]. Career moves that I made. All of it. Just happened for the best.

Studying abroad was my passionate dream. I did not even apply for any jobs after my graduation thinking that I am meant to be a student. But I have no regret at all for not doing MS. Likewise I can pick up so many best things in my life all of which are something that happened to me. Somehow "making things happen" pushed me farther away from the reality, while on the other hand "letting things happen" gave me a dream come true feel.

I am not sure if this is the right attitude to be leading a life. But I have my own theory. Very few things that I tried to make it happen, left me only with a huge disappointment, pain or regret. Regret to have even tried them in the first place. Trying to make things happen always involves fear, insecurity, worry that it might not happen. Murphy's law says anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. When you can make it happen, you may be proud for a while that you could do it, but it is not magical. It would not last a lifetime. Life is not about great things that you had but the magical moments that took your breath away. Things that bring a smile on your face, a perfect satisfaction that the journey was worthwhile.

On the other hand letting things happen needs a strong belief system. An unrelenting positive attitude to look forward to things, and always hope for the best to happen. This attitude makes you get along with life. Accepting things. And this makes you less frustrated, and gives a better understanding or clarity to your life. And when things happen the way you want it, its the most magical thing on earth. If they do not happen, you are already prepared for it. As you did not put in any efforts in the first place. This is not a giving up on life attitude. This is just accepting life the way it is. Bemusing, magical, thrilling, hopeful.

Can you look back at your life and count those magical moments that happened to you?

PS: I am a strong believer in logic and reasoning. I am still struggling between choosing "Make It Happen" and "Letting Things Happen". But if I had to look back in my life, I have been the happiest person when I let things happen. And the most magical moments were a result of this.

Touch Wood! :-))

A Beautiful Mind

In this Universe one thing that amazes me the most is a human mind. Why few people are genius? Why few people are insane? How close are insanity and genius?

They say its all in the mind. Which makes the impossible, the possible. How much of it is true? If it is true, how much of a control do we have on our mind? Is it our mind that makes a hell or heaven? Can our own mind trick us? Betray us? Make life a hell? Destroy us?

What influences our decisions, reactions, thoughts, behavior? Our experiences? Awareness? Memories? Two movies that conjure all these questions are "A Beautiful Mind" and the latest flick "Inception".

Most of my search, have one thing in common. A human mind cannot imagine or experience what is not experienced. It can only process "positive information" i.e, what it can perceive through its senses. It can only work or manipulate, information from the experiences of your five senses, which can influence your logical or emotional thinking. So, an experience, a memory plays a crucial role in your decision making. A memory or experience is recorded as a mental pattern in your brain.

What if our past experiences or bad? What if the memories are sour? This can lead to a pessimistic attitude, however it is proven that no matter how tormented a mind is, it has natural resilience to adjust itself if given enough time. Lately "Law of Attraction" is being espoused in positive thinking. It's always mind over matter. Just think and it will happen - think positive and everything will be alright. I read this book "The Secret" on the same. It is not very convincing for a person who has already lost control over their mind. However, I always believed that there is nothing impossible, and if you want it bad enough you can make  it happen. And how badly you want it and where to draw the line before you call yourself insane is the trick.

 I found this following article very credible and I see most of these 10 items applicable to my reasoning  :-),

-  Gamblers Fallacy

The Gambler’s fallacy is the tendency to think that future probabilities are altered by past events, when in reality, they are not. Certain probabilities, such as getting a heads when you flip a (fair) coin, are always the same. The probability of getting a heads is 50%, it does not matter if you’ve gotten tails the last 10 flips. Thinking that the probabilities have changed is a common bias, especially when gambling. For example, I am playing roulette. The last four spins have landed on black, it has to be red this time right? Wrong! The  probability of landing on red is still 47.37% (18 red spots divided by 38 total spots). This may sound obvious, but this bias has caused many a gambler to lose money thinking the probabilities have changed.

-- Reactivity
 

 Reactivity is the tendency of people to act or appear differently when they know that they are being observed. In the 1920s, Hawthorne Works (a manufacturing facility) commissioned a study to see if different levels of light influenced worker productivity. What they found was incredible, changing the light caused productivity to soar! Unfortunately, when the study was finished, productivity levels decreased to their regular levels. This was because the change in productivity was not due to the light levels, but to the workers being watched. This demonstrated a form of reactivity; when individuals know they are being watched, they are motivated to change their behavior, generally to make themselves look better. Reactivity is a serious problem in research, and has to be controlled in blind experiments (“Blind” is when individuals involved in a research study are purposely withheld information so as not to influence the outcomes).

 -- Pareidolia

Pareidolia is when random images or sounds are perceived as significant. Seeing clouds in the shapes of dinosaurs, Jesus on a hot pocket, or hearing messages when a record is played backward are common examples of pareidolia. The common element is that the stimulus is neutral, it does not have intentional meaning; the meaning is in the viewer’s perception.

Interesting Fact: the Rorschach Inkblot test was developed to use pareidolia to tap into people’s mental states. Testees are shown images of ambiguous pictures, and asked to describe what they see. Responses are analyzed to discover the testee’s hidden thoughts.

--  Self-fulfilling Prophecy


Self-fulfilling prophecy is engaging in behaviors that obtain results that confirm existing attitudes. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes itself to become true. For example, I believe that I am going to do poorly in school, so I decrease the effort I put into my assignments and studying, and I end up doing poorly, just as I thought. Another common example is relationships; I think my relationship with my significant other is going to fail, so I start acting differently, pulling away emotionally. Because of my actions, I actually cause the relationship to fail. This is a powerful tool used by “psychics” – they implant an idea in your mind, and you eventually make it happen because you think it will.

Interesting Fact: Economic Recessions are self-fulfilling prophecies. Because a recession is 2 quarters of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) decline, you cannot know you are in a recession until you are at least 6 months into one. Unfortunately, at the first sign of decreasing GDP, the media reports a possible recession, people panic and start a chain of events that actually cause a recession.

-- Halo effect



Interesting Fact: The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype is when people assume that attractive individuals possess other socially desirable qualities, such as happiness, success and intelligence. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when attractive people are given privileged treatment such as better job opportunities and higher salaries.

-- Herd Mentality

Herd mentality is the tendency to adopt the opinions and follow the behaviors of the majority to feel safer and to avoid conflict. Also known as “Mob Mentality,” this is, at its most common form, peer pressure. Herd mentality explains why fads get so popular. Clothes, cars, hobbies, styles, all it takes is a group of people who think something is cool, and it catches on.

Interesting Fact: things that are unattractive, or that would never seem cool or popular now have had huge followings due to herd mentality. Examples include parachute pants, pet rocks, mullets, cone bras, tie-dye, sea monkeys, and the 1980s (by the way, that is an ’80s guy in the picture above).

-- Reactance

Reactance is the urge to do the opposite of what someone wants you to do out of a need to resist a perceived attempt to constrain your freedom of choice. This is common with rebellious teenagers, but any attempt to resist authority due to perceived threats to freedom and/or choice is reactance. The individual may not have a need to do the specific behavior, however the fact that they cannot do it makes them want to.

Interesting Fact: “reverse psychology” is an attempt to influence people using reactance. Tell someone (particularly children) to do the opposite of what you really want, and they will rebel and actually end up doing what you want.

-- Hyperbolic Discounting

Hyperbolic discounting is the tendency for people to prefer a smaller, immediate payoff over a larger, delayed payoff. Much research has been done on decision-making, and many factors contribute to the individual decision making process. Interestingly, delay time is a big factor in choosing an alternative. Put simply, most people would choose to get 20 dollars today instead of getting 100 dollars one year from today. Normally it makes sense to choose a greater amount of money immediately than less in the future, as the value of a dollar is worth more today than it is tomorrow. Assume that the interest rate is 9%, at this interest rate, a rational person would be indifferent to taking $91.74 now, or $100 a year from now. However, it is interesting how much less we are willing to take immediately rather than wait, would you rather have $100 a year from now, or $50 immediately? How about $40 immediately? Where do you draw the line?

 -- Escalation of Commitment

Escalation of commitment is the tendency for people to continue to support previously unsuccessful endeavors. With all the decisions people have to make, it is unavoidable that some will be unsuccessful. Of course, the logical thing to do in these instances is to change that decision or try to reverse it. However, sometimes individuals feel compelled not only to stick with their decision, but also to further invest in that decision because they have sunk costs. For example, say you use half of your life savings to start a business. After 6 months, it is evident that the business is going to be unsuccessful. The logical thing to do would be to “cut your losses” and drop the business. However, due to the sunk costs of your life savings, you feel committed to the business and invest even more money into the project hoping that the additional cash will turn the business around.

--  Placebo Effect

The Placebo effect is when an ineffectual substance that is believed to have healing properties produces the desired effect. Especially common with medications, the placebo effect has been observed when individuals given a sugar pill for a real ailment report improvement. Placebos are still a scientific mystery. It is theorized that placebos cause an “Expectancy Effect”, (In cases of uncertainty, expectation is what is most likely to happen) individuals expect the pills to cure their ailments, so they feel cured. However, this does not explain how the ineffectual pills actually cause a reduction in symptoms.

Interesting Fact: The term “Placebo” is used when the outcomes are considered favorable, when the outcomes are negative or harmful; the term is “Nocebo”

I want to be a Birthday Girl!

I wan to be a birthday girl. I want to celebrate my birthday, which is 6 months away :-(.

I want to be pampered, I want all the attention, I want to feel admired!

Birthdays, special days...days when all the people wish you, for being what you are. Days which remind you of the number of people still around you. Days which bring back nostalgic memories. Days which make you feel good, special & happy.

Long forgotten friends, long distance calls. Relationships that were ignored for reasons like ego.

Nothing matters on this day. You forgive people for their past mistakes, and accept their wishes. Misunderstandings are merely wispy moments that are forgotten.

Probably the only day in the entire year when you are surprised by the down pour of wishes by so many people who were oblivion all this while. It makes you feel hopeful of all the relations/ ties in your life. Makes you feel that nothing has changed in the world and all is well, still the same.
Such a comfort! Comfort just for the day, as you probably know that the next day each of them would be back on the tracks of busy life. You would still be grateful, thankful and hopeful for having at least a word with these people who cared enough to wish on your day. I realize now the importance of these sepcial days...how much it means to wish a person on their special day, what difference it makes.

One of my friend celebrated his birthday yesterday and I could see how happy he is, how overwhelmed he is. In his words "having people is do damn nice, feels nice to know that there are so many people who like you. I feel sorry for not spending time with these friends. I always thought I am so busy and so they must be busy too. But the fact is, everybody is like me, they don't know they are loved till told. They don't know how many people admire them."

And I want all of this :-). I wish I had some special day which is not 6 months far! I wish I had a chance to know how many people I have in my life. Unfortunately last year I did not have such a great birthday. Except for my family members, I received only few phone calls that I can count on fingers. What happened suddenly? What has changed? Did I get old enough to loose all the friends or people in my life? Have I ignored people to the extent that no body cared to wish me on my day?! Is this what happens when you get older?

Also posted at I want to be Birthday Girl!

A Stranger To A Stranger

Parties. People. Fun. I always say yes to these. But most of the people well, people who do not fall into the categories of 'so-called' friends say that am a very reserved, matured, serious person. If you do not know me well, is that my problem? And I do not bother to explain myself to them. At times it is good to be treated this way. On the negative side people fear you, they think twice before they cross their limits to reach out to you, on the positive side they respect you, they are intrigued by you, for being a mysterious person.

Each of us are different people at different places of time and space. You are a different person at home, at office. You were a different person as a kid, as a grown up. But a stranger to yourself during all of these transitions, changes. You get familiar with the people, situations. With time everything changes to accommodate you, to make you more comfortable with your world around.

But do you remember those moments when you ended up being a stranger? A new school, new city, new college. A new job in a new office! What is it that makes the difference, that brings in the change that makes us more familiar to the situations. That makes people less distant? How does all of this work? What is the impression that you give when you meet an absolute stranger? Suppose you are in a library or at a bus stop and you meet a person there. Happen to exchange few words. Let the reason for these words be a necessity, or to kill mere boredom. If not a special striking attraction in the first sight :-P. What is a normal human reaction in such situations? Do you want to be yourself, or to be the best of yourself, or you do not care?! Or does it depend on the situations like how needy of friends you are? how irritated you are? how stupid you are?

To me it has always been this - a stranger is an alien to me. Not a harmful one though. But I simply treat them like a different species. Like a fly or an ant that we can ignore peacefully. Sorry for being rude, but till date I do not know how all the people in my life till date were once strangers to me. How did they end up being in my life? I seriously wonder how! Can I complain about this? I am glad that I do have people in my life who have a fair part in the play of my life, and who played their role when needed or demanded to their best.

I am just thinking if there is a theory or science behind this that converts a stranger to someone more meaningful to you. I am sure its not the attitude, looks, their dignity, their success, their beliefs, none of this counts. It must be simply a magic that happens. Somehow you end up meeting people, end up being their friends or more than that. There is no practice that you can adopt to make it happen with every other person that you meet in life. Cause I know that each of us would have people in our life's who in spite of spending years, moments, still remain strangers. Forever! There is nothing that can happen to change this. It is again only an illogical reasoning like 'magic' that can change all of this.

What if you have to live with a stranger each day of your life? For few it would be a challenging, exciting experience who enjoy talking to strangers and getting to know them. For people like me who are phobic to strangers, its a living nightmare. I hope I do not end up being a stranger to myself in this process of getting to know a stranger :-).

Guilt, Remorse or Pity

I know many of kids who want to be like their parents, a girl wanting to be like her MOM, a guy wanting to be like his Dad. Trying to imitate them, trying to imbibe their ideologies, mannerisms thinking that one day you would just be like them. This is the case of child with ‘Successful parents’. Successful in terms of financial or social status. Although this definition of being a successful parent is going to be redefined by me by the end of this post.

Bygone:

Am no different from being an ordinary person who wants to fit in the norms of society expectations. To me society is my friends acquaintances, so-called relatives.  Well that's pretty much a society for anyone isn’t it. Well am just being polite to myself from not identifying myself with those who worry about the judgment of every person they meet. Anyways, like any other struggling  middle class person, I hated my parents many a times. Be honest! Am sure each of us have gone through this. Each of us have judged our parents. I always wanted to be a better parent than my parents to my future kids. To give them everything that my parents did not give me. Most of these being not buying me that favorite dress or doll, not giving enough pocket money etc.  I always thought my DAD is a failure. With so many troubles that he faced in his life, I simply used to think that its his stupidity to land himself in those situations. That he is not smart enough.  I promised myself many a times that I am not going to be like him ever. And my MOM worries for every little thing.  And so many times I avoided discussing a problem with her just because she would compound my worries. But little did I realize what they have given me. A LIFE. An Identity of what I am today. The comfort that I get whenever I know that my MOM is worried for me. Knowing that she is there to cry with me. And that she is the only person on earth who would always, ALWAYS wish for my better.

Now:

Daddy visited  me last weekend.  I had to drop him at a bus stop on my way to office this Wednesday. We both got into my car.  For some reason, I was feeling very awkward.  Cause he is leaving? Cause I could not be a Son who could drop him at the Bus Station?  I myself have the luxury of a car to go to office but let him take a public transport to Bus Station? I could not think much on this as I had to concentrate on driving.

Finally his bus stop comes and he gets down. I hated myself to say ‘bye’ to Daddy. To wave him and say happy journey. I did not meet his eyes.  AS I was at the signal I could stop the car and see him in the rare view mirror. Poor man, walking all alone, by himself, with a bag on his shoulder that is weighing him down with burdens of the present, struggles of the past,  limitations of the age.  How could I comfortably sit in a car and watch him walk by?! I suddenly felt he is old. Time is such a bitch that it shows the meanness of life sooner or the later. He is not the same Daddy who was so strong, on whose shoulders I climbed, not the same Daddy who rough hands hurt my cheeks when he slapped me, whose strong arms held me when I was scared. I felt so sorry for him. Man who has ran through all the milestones of his life, is now walking with his bent shoulders.

I am not sure if it was guilt not being able to return back what he has given to me, or pity to see my father as a failure or hatred towards me to see him as a failure in the first place, that made me cry. Only words that came out of my mouth were “Daddy, I am so sorry”. I wish he had heard those words that am relieved from this pain. I wish I had ran back to him, gave him a big hug.

Now and Forever:

I proudly say that I have the worlds best parents. For giving us life, for making us what we are, for teaching us how important it is to be a human to actually SEE THE LIFE, FEEL THE LIFE AND LIVE THE LIFE.

You are the most successful parents  that we had, have and will have. FOREVER.

I love you Daddy, I love you MOM. I am proud and wish to be as selfless a person as each of you are.

Wake-Up Dream

Dreams! Sometimes you wake up feeling so good, lite and elated. And the day that follows is just great. Sometimes you wake up with a feeling that you lost something??? What is that something? An extra hour of sleep? I wish its just that. But this queasy feeling tells you that it bigger than that. Something so intrinsic that you dread stepping out of your bed. You just want to go back to sleep and wake up with a fresh mind. Its a Sunday morning and another few hours in bed would not cost a thing. But it just does not happen. Abed I try to remember what that troubled dream that woke me up in such a terrible mood! But to no avail. All that felt good and right is no longer the same :-(.

After wasting an hour, I muster the courage and patience to face the rest of the day [ and the rest of probably a beautiful week ahead ]. I waste half my sunny hot languorous Sunday. Finally I decide to do a bit of Google on dreams hoping that it might help me in recalling the dream I woke up with. Hoping that I do not spoil the rest of the week with my glumness.

Wake-Up Dream

The wake-up dream is the last dream you have as your are waking up and your consciousness is returning to your physical body. And most of the times this is the dream that gives you an important message. Some believe that wake-up dreams come true. That is this wake-up dream predicts future. Rest of this post is what I gathered from my Google search on article on dreaming, individual's experiences and thoughts.

Dreams can predict future?

Dreams compensate the waking mind with information that is unconscious - repressed, hidden or forgotten. According to a theory the dream wants to balance the dreamer's life by providing information that anwsers questions to why things are the way they are in the dreamer's life. A purpose of dreams is to bring these repressed emotions to consciousness so a healing can take place. Only then can a person be live a happy and structured life, with a purpose and positive attitude. The unconscious dream compensates the conscious mind with this information using motifs and metaphor.

Predicting the future? Dreams do at times show us insights to possible events in the future. But it is as much a calculation of what the mind and body already knows than a supernatural event. The brain is the ultimate super computer. The body is able to communicate illness and disease through the dream, informing a person well before it is detectable by medical means. There are, and through out history have been men and women who were 'good' at seeing future events, but when you deeper into these predictions they are as much a general thought than true predictions of the future. Intuitiveness is a form of knowing, a known quality of the psyche that let's someone sense 'truths' about someone, thing or event. So why not the dream using related aspects to inform, if only in on occasion. The science of dreams {psychology}, through Jung and others, have shown us there are metaphysical qualities to the human psyche. It is probably best to be skeptical, but never dismissive.

Symbol/ Metaphors in Dreams

Dreams communicate through metaphors, symbols, a primitive language that the mind understands. And most of the times dreams have a different meaning than to what you exactly see in a dream. There is a Dreams dictionary where in you can key an object or a thing that you saw in a dream and get their interpretation. Here's the link: http://www.sleeps.com/dictionary/dictionary.html.

Dreams affect mood

You have many dreams during the night but generally it is the last dream that you remember when you wake up. Some dreams can be so emotive that you wake up still feeling those emotions in a very powerful way. How you feel can go on to make an impact on your day. It can also alter the way you relate to the people who featured in your dream. This is all fine if it was a pleasant dream with positive emotions and you wake up feeling great. However, it is not so good if it was a bad dream that led you feeling unhappy or in distress.

Its also vice verse where your moods affect the dreams. And research says that a good mood can lead to a good dream. What you see in a dream is nothing but a result of what you feel or how you feel. These are the thoughts that you escape from in the conscious waking state, but which keep crawling up your mind and soul when you are asleep in deep unconscious state. I googled for a repetitive dream that I get. Its called Running Away dream, caused due to anxiety, worry. And I found this -

Running Away

Anxiety dreams often involve you trying to run away from something. This is a common, but still terrifying experience. The thing hunting you may take the form of a man, an animal, or even a monster. Children have even reported anxiety dreams in which they are being chased by an inanimate object such as a washing machine or toilet. Adults may find themselves crawling through small spaces or narrow tunnels to escape what is chasing them.

While anxiety dreams are often alarming and troublesome, you need to realize that they are an indication of someone or a situation that is consciously distressing you. While you may be able to ignore it during waking hours, it will creep into your dreams.

Some anxiety dreams may be so disturbing that they cause you sleepless nights. To overcome this, take a good look at the situations and relationships in your life to see what might be linked to the dream. If you can figure out what is causing the dream and resolve that situation, you may find the dreams will lessen if not cease completely.

Annyway!

Its past noon, probably I should catch up on some sleep and dream good. Hope the coming week is good without any worries and anxieties. Happy week ahead to all. Happy Ugadi.

Woe Is Me

Definition of the Phrase "Woe is Me":

"This means that you are sad or in a difficult situation"
"I am distressed; sad; grieved"

Everyone has a bad day at work. I am the current victim. Today is my so called dour day in office. I take my job too seriously. If I am happy at profession, I am happy in personal life too. JOB does play an important role in my Life. May be because the freedom, financial independence, choice to choose and define my life comes from my job. And the same job is also a reason for the stress that I dread in my day-to-day life. And today is one such unpleasant day.

It hurts so much that in spite of all the efforts that you put in, the product that you developed failed in some corner case, and that only customer finds such issue, and that you get an email about the failure with your manager copied on the email. And this happens to be the first email that you check! Wow! What a start?! Your immediate reaction will be to deny the failure. Reply to the customer saying NO it never failed in my case. And with lot of courage you do run through the same steps to reproduce the issue and THERE it is! THE BUG!

Your own script/ product that you developed mocks at you. You try to re-run the same steps not able to believe how it could deceive you by failing. How it could elude you for these many days. You feel cheated by your program. You feel frustrated. You feel an immense disgrace as though you have been questioned by million people to whom you owe a product that NEVER fails. NEVER?! Even GOD makes mistakes. Why cant I? :-(

Anyways, with all this running in your mind, you don’t feel like fixing the program. Taking the revenge. Instead you want to cry like a baby. Deny every responsibility for the failure. Hide your face with someone's hug. This is when you need someone to talk to. Pour out your heart. To whom you could yell! Scream! Let out all the frustrations! Someone who could accept you with all your failures. Someone would say "Its alright!". And its an added bonus if that someone is a special someone. That one person whose voice could set everything right in your world. Everything is a NOTHING. A JOB that is so important to you suddenly becomes a zilch. And your Life seems so easy where few words from this person can set right almost anything and everything. And you are back to terms with everything around you.

How many of us have such people/ special someone in our lives? How many of us can pick a phone and call him/ her and get that perfect medicine to straighten a screwed up day! If you have answers to these questions, you know what to do next time you are going through a bad day!

By the way, is there a solution, where in you know what makes you happy but not able to get it for various reasons?

A Treat to Oneself

Feb 27th - Mar 1st. Long weekend? To me its been a short weekend. What has been making my days shorter day by day? What’s been keeping me busy, occupied? Two things. One, my pet Leo. Two, cooking. Of course apart from the job that I have which pays!

LEO: I can go on and on about this funny little puppy, Leo. There has never been a day when I did not smile or laugh cause of him. He commands all the attention from me, claims all the love for him, and in return he gives me a LIFE worth living.

 I need no alarm to wake me up, he wakes me up with his whining for his mornings nature call. I have no fear sleeping alone, cause I know that this angel of mine is watching over me. When am driving back home, I know that a LIFE is waiting for me to be back home :-). I know that the moment I step into my home, he would greet me with such a passion and love that my days miffs are gone in a whiff. JUST LIKE THAT!

So apart from office work my second job is to take care of this monster. This employer pays me with lots of love, happiness, and a fun-filled life. I spend most of my time cleaning up the mess that he created whole day being at home, feeding him, playing with him. Finally, when he gets tired, I get to my third job, where am both the employer and the employee.

COOKING: There is a place in your sweet little home, which few discover quite early, which few lethargic people like me avoid. But a place where everyone some or the other day has to step in. Am sure everyone would have a story to tell about their travails of this place. Well, am talking about that refuge in your own house called KITCHEN. For few this place is such a comfort, a place you elude to from the stressful or a boring mundane day.

It took quite a long for me to explore this place. Better late than never. Living in a city alone, one or the other day you are bound to find it. And am glad I did.

I have heard people talk, write and experiment cooking, and how much they enjoy doing that. I was not able to relate to them. But now I do. Though I have not done any experiments yet, I enjoy cooking. There were days when I complained cooking for oneself, saying its such a boring task to cook for oneself. But this long weekend I decided to please myself in every possible way that I could. I bought fresh flowers, I my favorite chocolates, ice creams and I treated myself with a nice home cooked food.

This is when I realized different colors of vegetable and how yummy they look, how they turn into a different color when cooked or fried. How a combination of different spices adds to the taste. Mouth watering flavors...and seasoning your food adds to your own aesthetic sense. Cutting vegetables is such a nice stress buster ;-).

Well with this my new job of being a chef at my home restaurant I find 24 hours in a day not sufficient to juggle between a job that pays, a dog that is 3 months old and a life that runs at the speed of time :-p.

Name is Shah Ruh Khan

Well, what dragged me to watch this movie? Its the name Shah Ruh Khan. I like him for the person he is, for his smarts, for his wit, for his success. I enjoyed few of his movies for his acting. To name some...ah there are many romantic comedies by him which every girl/ guy would not have missed in their teenage. He proved that he could be a serious actor too in movies like Swadesh, Chak De India. I enjoyed every interview of his aired on television. So I see this interview with Shah Ruh Khan in the month of Feb with respect to "My  Name is Khan" and wanted to watch the movie.

Shah Ruh Khan should have made a better judgment in choosing the roles. He tried his best to act as a person who suffers with Autism. But he sounded so funny and ridiculous in this movie. To me entire movie seemed like a joke. I have read many reviews on this movie where a comparison is made with movies like New York etc. But those movies are far better in conveying the message. There is a set theme for the movie. But this one fails in doing so. This is more like a story of a person whose name is Khan, who is suffering from Autism. But nothing about being a Muslim and facing the unjustness, living in US, post 9/11 event.

To put it other way, this movie looks like a parody or some kinda spoof. Music is not good either. I expected some kinda cheesy humor as it is a Karan Johar movie, but none :-(. This is no entertainment at all unless you watch it as a Spoof movie, at which you could probably laugh at.

Also postes @ http://www.mouthshut.com/review/My_Name_is_Khan-186895-1.html

Bon Apetit

I wanted to watch every movie of Meryl Streep, since I saw her movies "Bridges of Madison Country" & "The Devil Wears Prada". This movie caught my attention when I learnt that Meryl Streep won Golden Globe award for her performance. Another movie in which both Amy Adams & Meryl Streep have acted together, and which I liked is "Doubt". Amazing performances by both the actors. Meryl Streep introduced Amy Adams to me, and now am fan of Amy Adams too :-).

Coming to the story line, Julie is a normal woman who once tried to be a writer and failed in pursuing writing as her career. She is working for Government, hates her job. But has a wonderful patient husband who is an editor. Cooking is something that she enjoys in her otherwise boring, disappointing life. She says, "You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure,and when I say "nothing" I mean nothing,you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate  and sugar and milk,it will get thick. It’s such a comfort.".

She is right we all seek certainty at the end of the day. And she found that through cooking and writing. She is inspired by Julia Child’s book and sets herself a target to blog about 524 recipes in 365 days. She says she probably needs a deadline, "otherwise it will be like everything else I do".
Film runs in two time periods. Julia Child’s life set in 1940’s in Paris and Julie Powell’s Life set in the current century. This movie is based on the true stories of Julia Child and Julie Powell.

This movies shows how a ordinary woman caught up in life, explores her interest in cooking and writing which changes her life. How she treats Julia as her mentor in both cooking and life though they have never met.

I love the scene when Julie starts crying lying on the kitchen floor when her cooking does not happen as planned...just like a kid. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie very much.

PS: I have no idea if husbands like Paul Child and Eric Powell are in reality, but every girl would like to have such a supporting husband :-).