The Grownup

It’s times like these, when you don’t know what to believe, that it becomes frustrating. Those times when you can’t tell whose voice you’re hearing. One is the grownup, the mature one. The one who always rationalizes everything. The realistic one who doesn’t care but about themselves, about not getting hurt while hurting others in the process.

The other one would be the child who cares about everyone. The child that is always laughing and giggling. It’s always happy with what it has and is a joy to have in life. Everyone loves that child but they don’t know it. The grownup hides the child away from you, so you don’t act like that child. The grownup wants you to mature, to be realistic, not to take risks so you won’t hurt yourself. But you can’t really enjoy your life without that child.

The child is the only one who knows what you’re really feeling, the only one who can tell you. But it’s hidden away, kept under lock and key. Its voice, drowned out by the grownup trying to sound like it, disappears. The grownup is doing an excellent job feeding you lies for which you do fall and keeping you miserable while convincing you, that you’re just fine, that you are content with your life.

The grownup being your brain and the child your heart

If You Truly Care What You Write

Got this article from the internet....read on.  

The Best Way to Find Your Writing Voice? Stop Looking

Are you afraid that your writing isn’t unique enough?
Or perhaps worried that you won’t have anything meaningful to say?
Discover your writing voice is a big obstacle for a lot of people.
I’m both sad and excited about this, because the solution is simple, but not easy to act on.
The fact that you’re afraid of sharing your message with the world just means that you truly care what you put out there, and that caring is what will make a big difference in your writing.
When I started, I was paralyzed by the thought of sharing my internal world with the outside world, and still am from time to time, but I write anyway, and I’m still alive.
Every writer cares about what others think, which means you will be afraid, stuck, and miserable from time to time.
It’s a part of doing what you love. When you realize that, you also discover that it’s not about eliminating the fear, it’s about dancing with it.

What is Your Writing Voice?

Your writing voice is not something that’s fixed and something great writers keep in their back pocket. Your voice is constantly evolving, growing, and wanting to express itself.
All you can do right now is to express the voice you have. Do not wait for a-ha moments and big discoveries, because they may never come.
Your voice is like an unpolished diamond. The potential is always there, but it takes hard work to uncover what’s inside.
Nothing will happen unless you act. There is no magic incantation you can use to bring forth the brilliance within you, except the magic of hard work.
Your voice doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to be willing to express it.

Why You’re Wrong About Your “Writing Voice”

If you’re like most people, then you see your writing voice as something mysterious, out of your reach, and something you need to discover.
But just like in real life, you don’t have to discover your speaking voice, because you already have one.
You are who you are, and you write the way you write.
As you keep writing, eliminating blocks, and moving forward, your writing will evolve.
And believe it or not, so will your “writing voice.”
I cannot guarantee that people will listen to you, but so what?
If at first no one reads your writing, you keep writing and improving.
If at first no one finds you unique enough, you keep writing, and you uncover your uniqueness.
You have to be willing to fail until you can succeed.

The Solution to Your “Writing Voice” Problem

You may think that you have to discover your voice before you can blog, write, or whatever you want to do, but it doesn’t work like that.
Most people have it backwards.
Your voice isn’t found, it’s honed.
You already have a writing voice, just like you have a speaking voice.
To become a great writer, you have to practice diligently.
When you say you cannot start because you haven’t found your voice, you’re making an excuse.
And do you realize that the only way to really get the writing voice you want is to do exactly what you fear—to write and put yourself out there?
That’s the beauty of it all.

Dealing With Difficult People

I found this article on Financial Express News Paper dated May 2, 2011, Bangalore Edition. Author is Shweta Handa Gupta.

"In the school of life, difficult people are the faculty, They teach us our most important lessons, the lessons that we would be most unlikely to learn on our own"  - Mark I Rosen.

Difficult people are everywhere. At job, in personal life, at home. All around us. And this is the toughest challenge to face, if you are a person of mettle, character and who is not a second-hander [ Ayn Rand's definition of a second-hander ]. Dealing with such people is an emotionally draining process. I prefer to avoid such people and stay miles away from them. But many a times it just inevitable. This article explains on how to deal with such inevitability my seeing things through the other person's perspective, by not loosing your sanity and choosing your responses.

She goes on to explain how to try and understand the situation the Other person is put in, and why s/he is behaving in so-and-so manner. Each person's issue is a real problem to them. Like you, everyone has their own set of issues. In this light, do not be biased, and frame a negative opinion on the Other person based on a trivial negative trait about the Other person which is not of your liking. Trying to change the Other person is a dead end which will only result in aggravating the situation. 

Coming to One Self, there are people with whom you just do not get along, for many reasons. And if you are a person who does not want to be treated as a doormat, yet not get involved with these cheap tricks that others play on you, you may want to choose your responses. You may want to question yourself before you react.

• Am I taking personally something that is not specifically directed at me?
• Am I just trying to win the argument/ prove myself right? What do I gain out of winning this argument?
• Is it my rational brain or my ego that is driving me to this response? Will I actually feel satisfied if I win this fight?
• Will I be happy with my behavior at the end of this? Is this bringing out the worst in me and making me difficult to deal with too?
• Is this person always as negative as I believe him/ her to be? Can I think of some examples when this person has behaved differently from my negative perception?
• What do I feel when I think about this person? How do I behave when I am feeling this way? If I could let go of my negative emotions towards this person  how would I feel and behave? 

Article ends by quoting Einstein - "insanity is doing same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Si, if we want different outcomes to our interactions with different people, we need to focus on changing our responses and try to establish healthier patterns,

A Beautiful Mind

In this Universe one thing that amazes me the most is a human mind. Why few people are genius? Why few people are insane? How close are insanity and genius?

They say its all in the mind. Which makes the impossible, the possible. How much of it is true? If it is true, how much of a control do we have on our mind? Is it our mind that makes a hell or heaven? Can our own mind trick us? Betray us? Make life a hell? Destroy us?

What influences our decisions, reactions, thoughts, behavior? Our experiences? Awareness? Memories? Two movies that conjure all these questions are "A Beautiful Mind" and the latest flick "Inception".

Most of my search, have one thing in common. A human mind cannot imagine or experience what is not experienced. It can only process "positive information" i.e, what it can perceive through its senses. It can only work or manipulate, information from the experiences of your five senses, which can influence your logical or emotional thinking. So, an experience, a memory plays a crucial role in your decision making. A memory or experience is recorded as a mental pattern in your brain.

What if our past experiences or bad? What if the memories are sour? This can lead to a pessimistic attitude, however it is proven that no matter how tormented a mind is, it has natural resilience to adjust itself if given enough time. Lately "Law of Attraction" is being espoused in positive thinking. It's always mind over matter. Just think and it will happen - think positive and everything will be alright. I read this book "The Secret" on the same. It is not very convincing for a person who has already lost control over their mind. However, I always believed that there is nothing impossible, and if you want it bad enough you can make  it happen. And how badly you want it and where to draw the line before you call yourself insane is the trick.

 I found this following article very credible and I see most of these 10 items applicable to my reasoning  :-),

-  Gamblers Fallacy

The Gambler’s fallacy is the tendency to think that future probabilities are altered by past events, when in reality, they are not. Certain probabilities, such as getting a heads when you flip a (fair) coin, are always the same. The probability of getting a heads is 50%, it does not matter if you’ve gotten tails the last 10 flips. Thinking that the probabilities have changed is a common bias, especially when gambling. For example, I am playing roulette. The last four spins have landed on black, it has to be red this time right? Wrong! The  probability of landing on red is still 47.37% (18 red spots divided by 38 total spots). This may sound obvious, but this bias has caused many a gambler to lose money thinking the probabilities have changed.

-- Reactivity
 

 Reactivity is the tendency of people to act or appear differently when they know that they are being observed. In the 1920s, Hawthorne Works (a manufacturing facility) commissioned a study to see if different levels of light influenced worker productivity. What they found was incredible, changing the light caused productivity to soar! Unfortunately, when the study was finished, productivity levels decreased to their regular levels. This was because the change in productivity was not due to the light levels, but to the workers being watched. This demonstrated a form of reactivity; when individuals know they are being watched, they are motivated to change their behavior, generally to make themselves look better. Reactivity is a serious problem in research, and has to be controlled in blind experiments (“Blind” is when individuals involved in a research study are purposely withheld information so as not to influence the outcomes).

 -- Pareidolia

Pareidolia is when random images or sounds are perceived as significant. Seeing clouds in the shapes of dinosaurs, Jesus on a hot pocket, or hearing messages when a record is played backward are common examples of pareidolia. The common element is that the stimulus is neutral, it does not have intentional meaning; the meaning is in the viewer’s perception.

Interesting Fact: the Rorschach Inkblot test was developed to use pareidolia to tap into people’s mental states. Testees are shown images of ambiguous pictures, and asked to describe what they see. Responses are analyzed to discover the testee’s hidden thoughts.

--  Self-fulfilling Prophecy


Self-fulfilling prophecy is engaging in behaviors that obtain results that confirm existing attitudes. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes itself to become true. For example, I believe that I am going to do poorly in school, so I decrease the effort I put into my assignments and studying, and I end up doing poorly, just as I thought. Another common example is relationships; I think my relationship with my significant other is going to fail, so I start acting differently, pulling away emotionally. Because of my actions, I actually cause the relationship to fail. This is a powerful tool used by “psychics” – they implant an idea in your mind, and you eventually make it happen because you think it will.

Interesting Fact: Economic Recessions are self-fulfilling prophecies. Because a recession is 2 quarters of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) decline, you cannot know you are in a recession until you are at least 6 months into one. Unfortunately, at the first sign of decreasing GDP, the media reports a possible recession, people panic and start a chain of events that actually cause a recession.

-- Halo effect



Interesting Fact: The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype is when people assume that attractive individuals possess other socially desirable qualities, such as happiness, success and intelligence. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when attractive people are given privileged treatment such as better job opportunities and higher salaries.

-- Herd Mentality

Herd mentality is the tendency to adopt the opinions and follow the behaviors of the majority to feel safer and to avoid conflict. Also known as “Mob Mentality,” this is, at its most common form, peer pressure. Herd mentality explains why fads get so popular. Clothes, cars, hobbies, styles, all it takes is a group of people who think something is cool, and it catches on.

Interesting Fact: things that are unattractive, or that would never seem cool or popular now have had huge followings due to herd mentality. Examples include parachute pants, pet rocks, mullets, cone bras, tie-dye, sea monkeys, and the 1980s (by the way, that is an ’80s guy in the picture above).

-- Reactance

Reactance is the urge to do the opposite of what someone wants you to do out of a need to resist a perceived attempt to constrain your freedom of choice. This is common with rebellious teenagers, but any attempt to resist authority due to perceived threats to freedom and/or choice is reactance. The individual may not have a need to do the specific behavior, however the fact that they cannot do it makes them want to.

Interesting Fact: “reverse psychology” is an attempt to influence people using reactance. Tell someone (particularly children) to do the opposite of what you really want, and they will rebel and actually end up doing what you want.

-- Hyperbolic Discounting

Hyperbolic discounting is the tendency for people to prefer a smaller, immediate payoff over a larger, delayed payoff. Much research has been done on decision-making, and many factors contribute to the individual decision making process. Interestingly, delay time is a big factor in choosing an alternative. Put simply, most people would choose to get 20 dollars today instead of getting 100 dollars one year from today. Normally it makes sense to choose a greater amount of money immediately than less in the future, as the value of a dollar is worth more today than it is tomorrow. Assume that the interest rate is 9%, at this interest rate, a rational person would be indifferent to taking $91.74 now, or $100 a year from now. However, it is interesting how much less we are willing to take immediately rather than wait, would you rather have $100 a year from now, or $50 immediately? How about $40 immediately? Where do you draw the line?

 -- Escalation of Commitment

Escalation of commitment is the tendency for people to continue to support previously unsuccessful endeavors. With all the decisions people have to make, it is unavoidable that some will be unsuccessful. Of course, the logical thing to do in these instances is to change that decision or try to reverse it. However, sometimes individuals feel compelled not only to stick with their decision, but also to further invest in that decision because they have sunk costs. For example, say you use half of your life savings to start a business. After 6 months, it is evident that the business is going to be unsuccessful. The logical thing to do would be to “cut your losses” and drop the business. However, due to the sunk costs of your life savings, you feel committed to the business and invest even more money into the project hoping that the additional cash will turn the business around.

--  Placebo Effect

The Placebo effect is when an ineffectual substance that is believed to have healing properties produces the desired effect. Especially common with medications, the placebo effect has been observed when individuals given a sugar pill for a real ailment report improvement. Placebos are still a scientific mystery. It is theorized that placebos cause an “Expectancy Effect”, (In cases of uncertainty, expectation is what is most likely to happen) individuals expect the pills to cure their ailments, so they feel cured. However, this does not explain how the ineffectual pills actually cause a reduction in symptoms.

Interesting Fact: The term “Placebo” is used when the outcomes are considered favorable, when the outcomes are negative or harmful; the term is “Nocebo”

Of Fallen Leaves and Mud Balls

Copy paste from Sujata's blog. I found this post on my cavalier surfing. Ironically it was a perfect timing for my nostalgia for my close friends.

Staying at home in the evenings while the rest of the neighbourhood kids played outside. I remember the sounds of children outside under the crimson sky, and me listening to mother telling me a story.. of a leaf and a mud ball, who were the greatest of friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The mud ball was simply… mud coloured, fat and podgy and the leaf was light emerald green, delicate and pretty. And yet they cared a lot for each other.
They played together, laughed together, even danced together.. the leaf dancing gracefully and elegantly while the mud ball would flop around, trying hard to stay in step with his graceful friend.
Their affection made the forces of nature very jealous indeed.
The wind bragged “I am the most powerful one ! I shall blow hard and make the leaf fly away with me. That would be the end of this friendship.”
And so the wind blew as hard as it could.
The leaf started flying helplessly in the powerful gust and screamed for help. The mud ball panicked for a second, then suddenly thought of an idea. He jumped and sat on the leaf. The wind blew all he could, but could not separate the two friends.
Upon seeing this, the rain said “Now let me try – I shall melt this mud ball in seconds.”
And so the skies opened up and it rained heavily. The mud ball started dissolving in the rain and screamed. Suddenly he felt something covering him. It was gentle leaf who was lying on top of him and whispering “No one can harm you…. And no one can separate us.”
The rain poured and poured, but could do no harm.
The forces of nature got very angry indeed. They decided to unite together.
The rain and the wind came down in powerful gusts together. In a matter of seconds, the mud ball dissolved and disappeared in the earth… and the leaf blew far, far away.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother closed the book with a sigh. I looked at her with big eyes “Then what happened ?”
“Nothing.” She said.
“Didn’t they try to look for each other ?” I asked, my little heart breaking.
“Even if they tried, they would never have succeeded in finding each othere. The mud ball had ceased to exist. The leaf had blown too far away.”
My little world crumbled. For the first time, I realized that in my picture-perfect world, there exists… irreversible, irrevocable loss.
After that little poignant moment, every time I looked at a fallen leaf blowing in the autumn breeze, I wondered if it was searching for a lost friend, who would never be found again.
Looking back at my life, I have lived and relived many such moments when I have lost a friend due to well.. so many causes (read, wind) and always felt a poignant sadness, knowing that this is the end of that beautiful relationship I had been blessed with.
At the same time, it has made me value all those friends and family members who have been by my side and never left me, never said goodbye, no matter how much teh winds blew, no matter how much the rains poured.
Here’s to all fallen leaves and mud balls…. Life is too short. Stay by each other’s side. Let the winds blow. Let the rains pour on. Never say goodbye.

Dharmecha, Arthecha, Kamecha, Mokshecha Aham Evam Naati Charami

I have been intrigued by Marriage Rituals, meaning of these rituals, their significance and rationale behind all of these. I have not attended many marriages, even if I did, we were so caught up in catching up with the bunch of friends, family and relatives.So here goes my attempt to understand a marriage ceremony. I gathered all this from the internet.

Not many of us understand these rituals, mantras that bride/ groom are asked to recite. I wonder if atleast the Pandit who performs the ceremony understand them. Hindu marriages are performed in Sankrit language. So what does a Hindu marriage mean? And what we should look for in it, and how we should apply it to our lives. What's really involved, why do we go through all that ceremony, and what is the meaning of saying that we don't have the concept of divorce in Hindu marriage and why is it so?

Concept of Marriage - In the Hindu culture tells you how to translate this experience of unity in diversity. The Oneness.

Who is the bridegroom – The father of the bride worships the feet of the bridegroom in the marriage saying:

     Namostu anantaya sahasramurtaye Sahasrapadakshi shira uru bahave sahasranamne purushaya shashvate sahasrakoti yuga dharine namah

[ ( I bow down to him ) ( one who has no ending ) ( One who has a thousand forms ) (having a thousand heads ) ( one who has got a thousand rays coming from him ( sheer ) ( he is existing forever ) (for thousands of crores of eras, he has been there ) ]

The bridegroom is none other than MahaVishnu, physically present as an individual here, I am washing his feet. Sahasra murtaye, the one who has a thousand forms. In Sanskrit, the word thousand is used in a different sense than we normally understand . The three zeros are the three illusions of our wakefulness, of our dreaming and sleeping state. The reality, the one is you; you are experiencing all these three states. One thousand is meant to represent infinity of experiences in these three states of our being. So you see, you are not seeing the bridegroom as an individual. You are considereing him as a manifestation of Maha Vishnu directly. And it is to him the Kanya, the bride is being offered. 

Who is the Bride? 

The wealth of the lord, Maha Laksmi, aishvarya. All the wealth in the world, all the enjoyment, all the riches, all the experiences, they are the Maha Laksmi.

Kanyam kanaka sampannam sakala abharanih yutam.

This bride is offered as the wealth of the world unto thee, unto the God who owns this wealth.

Process of Marriage

1. NANDI - getting started

2. NISCHITARTHA - confirming the alliance

3. ANKURARPANA - creation of the alliance by lighting the yagna fire

4. LAJA HOMA - yagna

5. SNATHAKAM - graduation ceremony

6. UPANAYANAM - thread marriage

7. KASI YATHRA - the indecisive journey of the groom to kasi for the sanyasa and bringing him back to the house by the parents of the bride for the marriage.

8. KANYA DANAM - offering of the daughter for the marriage.

9. PANI GRAHANAM, SAPTHA PADHI, MANGALASUTHRA DHARANA, OR VEEKSHANAM - the seeing of each other, touching of each other, and walking together, and tying the knot of the marriage.

10. TALAMBRALU - aimed at the bringing the bride and the groom nearer in psychological and mental paths.

11. ARUNDHATHI DARSHANAM – The significance is to remind the pair about their cosmic responsibilities they have to perform in the coming walk of life.

12. GRIHAPRAVESAM - taking the bride to the in-laws house

13. APPAGINTHALU - handing over the daughter to the groom

14. DHRUVA DARSHANA

15. SOBHANAMU - nuptials

16. GARBHADANAM - the act of creation of the foetus.

Muhurtam

The actual muhurtam, when the two get married, is when they put their hands on each others' heads, it's called sumuhurta. You have a betel leaf, some jaggery, and some seeds, and that is kept on the heads of the bride and bridegroom mutually. he real meaning of the guru and sishya relationship is that like a transmitter and receiver. When I'm talking and you're listening, I'm the guru and you are the chela or sishya. But when you're talking and I'm listening, you're the transmitter and I'm the receiver; so you're the guru and I'm the sishya. You learn to see the oneness of yourself with the other. 

Upanayana means taking you near God. nayana means taking, upa means near. You're being taken near the Goddess, the mother Gayatri, by the thread ceremony. The thread ceremony entitles you to recite Gayatri Mantra. Gayatri is a Shakti who is ruling the whole world. She is the creatrix, she is the sustainer, she is also the destroyer. She combines all these powers into her. And if you get the right to recite the Gayatri, you become a Shakti upasaka, then you go through the transition called upanayana. The dynamic nature you have to understand, and implement, and expose yourself to in your life. 

Saptapadi : Marriage is based on friendship. To establish this relationship more completely, the Vedic mantras that are used in the marriage have what is called saptapadi, the seven steps that you walk together around the fire.

Few lines from this saptapadi are:

     Sakha saptipadi bhava - be my friend who walks these seven steps together.

    Sakhyam te gameyam - may I aspire to your friendship.

    Sakhyam temayoshah; sakhyam me ma yoshtyas – your friends are mine, my friends are yours

The seven steps that you go around the fire are supposed to be the seven chakras in your body, if you are aware of the psychic chakras, they are supposed to be seven centers where you're connected to the cosmos. By keeping your awareness in these centers you're able to connect to he cosmos. Those who are practicing yoga become the cosmos. Marriage is considered as yoga. Yoga is a part of samyoga, where two are merging together in total love, and then they practice yoga. The bride and groom take seven steps symbolizing a vow for each step towards one another.

1. Together we will share the responsibilities of home and children

2. Together we will develop mental, physical and spiritual strength

3. Together we will prosper and share our worldly goods

4. Together we will fill over hearts with great joy, peace and happiness

5. Together we will raise strong and virtuous children

6. Together we will remain faithful, lifelong partners.

7. Together we will cherish each other and our families in sorrow and happiness.

Purpose of the marriage? 

      Dharma praja sampatti artham striyam udvahe. 

The spark of life was given to us by our parents. And we have to repay that debt. And how do repay that debt? By procreation. By creating another spark of life, we repay that debt to our parents. And that reason is one of the prime reasons for marriage. So if you want to have children, you must beget them through a married partner. That is the dictum. Now we got what are called four purushartas, which are called dharma, artha, kama, moksha. In every samkalpa we say "Dharma, artha,, kama, moksha, cathur vidha phala purusharta siddharthyam. I want to do my duty, I want to earn money, I want to fulfill my desires, and I want to be liberated. These are the four basic desires that everyone has. So dharma is defined as giving the spark of life which have received from your father and mother, and pass on that life to a new life. So you have the bounden duty to continue this spark of life unbroken. And let the life evolve into higher an higher forms. So your defined purpose is to generate children and that is one of the prime reasons for marriage.

Strange Pairings

This is copy paste of an article posted in "The Week" magazine dated Decemeber 8, 2008. I liked it enough to post it here on my blog.

Vodka 'n' Pani Puri

This is culinary equivalent of the desi babu-gori mem hit jodi. He is street born and proud of a pedestrian bearing that makes him sharp, spicy and a survivor. She traces her heritage to snowy Russian steppes, which make her cool. fluid and spirited. He is aspirational, and she is assimilative. You couldn't have found a more unlikely combination than pani puri and vodka.

The marriage, solemnized some years ago in five-star climes, was the creation of an F&B team seeking to tickle taste taste buds. Perhaps, even they didn't expect the pairing to become an enduring hit.

For years, vodka pani puri remained in the elite confines of exclusive eateries. But of late, the couple has jauntily stepped out, and is basking in the admiration it receives wherever it goes.

The duo made an international debut in New York, and is established fare at some of the Indian eateries there. They'are also creating waves at a dhaba in suburban Mumbai now.

"There are different version of vodka pani puri", says Santosh Jori, executive chief of Mumbai's Le Meridien. A continental approach is to use cherry tomatoes and mozzarella cheese as filling, then dipped into the pani, and munched along with a shot of vodka.

But the bestseller is the one is which the tangy pani is spiked with a liberal dash of vodka and spicy chaat filling are used. The sharpness of the alcohol blends easily with the tamarind water, causing a surprising implosion of tastes and flavours.

Now, what does vodka have that the other spirits don't? Perhaps, it's because vodka is a smooth operator. It's light and doesn't have a strong odour, which also makes it acceptable as a ladie's drink. Rum is too robust, whiskey too male. Beer is all froth.

Wine has too much of attitude about its own flavours, and doesn't lend itself to cocktail style mix and matches. Vodka doesn't take away the essence of the pani puri, but rather augments it. Vodka is an invader and a conqueror. Remember that martinis were once made of gin, and vodka entered the scene only as a vodkatini.

That is appropriated the martini itself is typical of the élan with which vodka expands its horizons. No wonder even James Bond endorsed it.

As a food writer Rashmi Uday Singh once noted, when two foods are paired, they could either scuttle each other's individualities or live in peaceful co-existence.

Only when two flavours combine to create a kick that's better than what you get from the individual foods does the pairing reach epicurean heights. Vodka pani puri one such rare combo. But then, don't take our word for it, go get a mouthful. Hic!

Self-Assurance

Self-Assurance is similar to self-confidence. In the deepest part of you, you have faith in your strengths. You know that you are able — able to take risks, able to meet new challenges, able to stake claims, and, most important, able to deliver. But Self-Assurance is more than just self-confidence. Blessed with the theme of Self-Assurance, you have confidence not only in your abilities but in your judgment. When you look at the world, you know that your perspective is unique and distinct. And because no one sees exactly what you see, you know that no one can make your decisions for you. No one can tell you what to think. They can guide. They can suggest. But you alone have the authority to form conclusions, make decisions, and act. This authority, this final accountability for the living of your life, does not intimidate you. On the contrary, it feels natural to you. No matter what the situation, you seem to know what the right decision is. This theme lends you an aura of certainty. Unlike many, you are not easily swayed by someone else’s arguments, no matter how persuasive they may be. This Self-Assurance may be quiet or loud, depending on your other themes, but it is solid. It is strong. Like the keel of a ship, it withstands many different pressures and keeps you on your course.

Be Resilient

An article by Eknath Easwaran - Be resilient, open minded and adaptable to the experiences that we encounter over the sands of time.

A tremendous amount of vital energy is squandered in the vacillation of the mind as it swings towards what it likes and away from what it dislikes. When we are caught up in likes and dislikes, in strong opinions and rigid habits we cannot work at our best and also find ourselves very insecure. At the mercy of external circumstances, if things go our way we are elated, if things do not go our way, we get depressed. It is only the mature person, who is not conditioned by compulsive likes and dislikes, habits and opinions – is really free in life. Such people are truly spontaneous.

Nothing in life is more satisfying than to be able to change our likes and dislikes when we need to. In fact, any one who has mastered this skill has mastered life and if not then they are a victim of life. When someone says “I like it so I’m going to do it” it’s a confession that, that person is not free, they are bound and have no choice. This is our conditioning, we have always been encouraged to only do the things we like doing.

People who have strong likes and dislikes find life very difficult; they are as rigid as if they had only one bone. Such people cannot bend, and if they are compelled to bend they can only break. As the Ganges flows down from the Himalayas, it uproots big trees and carries them down to the plains. A sage noticed this and asked the river “How is it that you tear out these huge trees and yet leave the willow and the reed and the tall grasses that grow by your banks?”

The Ganges replied, “The pine tree does not know how to bend. It stands rigid and won’t move out of my way, so I pull it out by the root and take it with me down to the sea. But these willows and reeds and grasses bend when I come; they do not resist me. I sing through them and leave them intact.” Just like grasses if we learn to bend too, we will find ourselves singing through life.

We can all learn to develop resilience. We can make ourselves like that Japanese doll called the ‘daruma doll’, which has a rounded base and is weighted in such a way that when you push it over, it springs back up. You can hold it down as long as you like but as soon as you take your hand away, it jumps back up again. This is the kind of resilience we can all cultivate. Whenever life tries to knock down people with this kind of precious quality, they are able to spring back; they have lost every trace of rigidity.

We should cultivate this faculty of using every rocky impediment as one more step in the ladder of our success. By sticking to our likes and dislikes, do’s and don’ts, hang-ups, bias, we only embrace rigidity; rigidity is a synonym of death. Let life flow through us with its giggling gush and make us as flexible to nourish with its vitalities, to enrich with its lessons, to sign with gaiety, as the lowly grass on the banks. Let every bit of life fill us with serenity, simplicity and beauty of its own. Let us empty ourselves of our likes and dislikes, so that life can fill us with the heavenly bliss.

Books are tragically isolating???

From an article posted on The NewYorker: Crititcs:

Reading books chronically understimulates the senses. Unlike the longstanding tradition of gameplaying—which engages the child in a vivid, three-dimensional world filled with moving images and musical sound-scapes, navigated and controlled with complex muscular movements—books are simply a barren string of words on the page...

Books are also tragically isolating. While games have for many years engaged the young in complex social relationships with their peers, building and exploring worlds together, books force the child to sequester him or herself in a quiet space, shut off from interaction with other children. . . .
But perhaps the most dangerous property of these books is the fact that they follow a fixed linear path. You can’t control their narratives in any fashion—you simply sit back and have the story dictated to you. . . . This risks instilling a general passivity in our children, making them feel as though they’re powerless to change their circumstances. Reading is not an active, participatory process; it’s a submissive one.

Not sure how far the above statements are true or logical! From my expericence of reading books,

I started this habit of reading books right from my childhood. Fairy tales were the ones that used to interest me most. Later on Sherlock Holmes. I used to feel as though I have solved the riddle/ mystery at the end of the book. And now my interests range from fiction, history, literature, to philosophy etc. I am not quite particular about the category of the book. Its in these books that I search for an answer to most of my questions. Its true that I have learned from books. But as said above it made me lil passive to the circumstances around me. In accepting the things around me as they are. True that they made me aloof to all the people around me. I became quite a boring person with a book most of the times in my hand, to those who once said that its great to spend time with me. I stopped thinking practically, imagining that the world would be so perfect as said/ narrated in books. I was getting upset on the minutest odditites. But its again these books and insight of few of my friends, that made me realize this. On top of this its just the "Time" and the "Circumstances" that ignites the spark of realization.

Well nothing could ever harm you without your consent! Its finally "U" who has to decide. Rest of it is all a way to blame our inabilities on others/ other things.