Unfair

Here I am with around 10 years of experience, using a blogger to vent out my frustrations. I guess today's "Gen Y" janta would have twittered or facebooked or do they really have bothered about a thing in the world?

I see freshers today, and if I look back at myself when I was a fresher I see a hell lot of difference in attitude. We were so hard-working, willing to learn, explore, ambitious, and what not! Full of adrenaline to take on the world! But this person is so bindaas to say. Why? Cause nowadays its so easy to get a job? Just pass with minimum grades, and boom you are in a top MNC with a handsome package, which they have no clue of how to use or even spend. Or has the recruitment process gone so wrong that you see the college s/he comes from, hire these herd of sheeps blindly?

I think people should be tested for their focus, commitment and most importantly keeping their feathery brains in the job. For an example, I know a person to whom javascript is the only universal language, and all he is good at is patch work. If you ask him to put a teeny weeny logic(business use case) in there, boy this where his talent of escapism comes into picture. This person thinks he is so smart and that he is too good to be working on a technology of his current project. So why the hell are you here? Get lost and find a job that suits you. Why lurk around and be a burden to the rest? My question - how do these people even enjoy the salary that they get every month?

Especially this week, I have to juggle between a job, training, sick dog with almost everyday visits to Vet, and my so called personal life. When I look at these people who are supposed to be  "team members", who does not even care to attend a meeting, forget doing their job, it just feels so unfair. And I really hate them when they think everybody except them are fools, that they can lie and get away with anything. Seriously?

Well, what am I angry at? At myself? At this person? At the entire system? Or simply the irony of being the Gen X?

Work Nuisance

I am brain dead. Totally drained of any enthusiasm or energy. I feel so demotivated at work. I lost focus. And don't know where I am lost. There were times when I hated my job, but right now I just have no energy to even hate my job. I need inspiration. I need a good pep talk. But to worsen the case I got feedback at work that I am not looking beyond my comfort zone. Yeah THAT is a joke! I am many things but not someone who rejoices in the comforts and let things flow.

Anyways, last evening I was early to my Aerobics class, well yes all that happened at office drove me there early. There was this dance class going on and I sneaked in to watch. The dance teacher was teaching the same steps over and over to these dumb girls who could not get the steps straight. But his expression and energy each time was the SAME. Same steps, same music, in the 5 mins that I spent he must have gone through the same step 5-7 times. But each time the music starts and he dances, he has the same joy, passion. No hints of any routine or boredom at all. And he keeps talking incessantly cracking jokes, making conversations with me and others who are not even part of his class. He is so live. Alive. He is enjoying his work so much. Even though it is so repetitive. Is that even possible in IT field? 

Guess my work lately has become so stupid that I lost focus. I can blame it on hundred other things. Guess I  need one tight slap to jolt back in action. Or may be not. May be its just am at the receding side of the bell curve. Patience! It will all pass and I will be back. Alive.

Memories Are Always Rotten

De ja vu. I experience this quite a lot. Just when I started typing this post I had a De ja vu. Read so much on this concept and it still is intriguing.

Leo. Well, just yesterday is when I visited a hospital. Took Grandmother to get POP removed. No, visiting hospitals is not over. This morning we [ Mom, Grandma and I] found Leo limping. He seems to be having a problem with this left rear leg. And got an appointment in the evening. I am so tired of *taking care* of people. Anyways, all I can think of now is, Leo. I want him to be of sound health. I want him to be fit. Hope all is well with him. Can't wait for the Doc's appointment.

Last weekend I watched this Woody Allen's movie - Another Woman. I must say its Woody's best. Movie ends with this line "Is memory something that we have, or something that we lost?". This is exactly what has been on my mind lately. All those memories that I have cherished, longed for and have cried over, are just times that are lost. Gone. Past. And I was thinking that life is not about making memorable moments. Cause a memory good or bad is always a past and there is no point spending even a single moment on it. So I want to lead a life not to build those memorable moments but just living each moment to the fullest. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to look back and laugh, smile or cry over any of it. I wonder why I am blogging to this detail if that is the case!

Yesterday I my day at work was very grumpy. But guess what! I started the day with the same nasty mood. It was less than half an hour I realized that it was yesterday and today everything fell in place and got resolved. So it was a very peaceful day at work. I worry way too much. All I have to do is just wait and a take a breath and all is fine. It is true most of the times. While taking a breath I need to learn to shield from my emotions. My biggest challenge. Someday I will achieve it. Till then just wait. Just Wait. Well, coincidentally this song was being played on my music system while driving,

One thought that kept me nagging all the time. The thought of how a person who does so many mistakes can get away with it and be happy! Though I have not harmed anyone intentionally, have not lied to anyone, cheated anyone and who always takes the right path, suffer so much. Most of my suffering is emotional/ psychological. Guess it's my conscience. And people like Skunk, do not have a conscience. But should not they be punished in a way that makes them realize? Oh boy! Is there justice in this world? I do not know why this bothers me so much. It depresses me so much that others get away with anything while I don't seem to take even one step ahead without paying for mistakes that I did. Irony is that most of the times I do not know why am being punished. Sad part of my life.

But I will not give up! I will not succumb. I am very determined to be happy. And stay happy. Leo is my inspiration. No matter what condition he is in, every time a person walks into my kitchen, he goes behind them anticipating some goodies. He does not miss one single time. No matter what. No matter what time it is. He is determined. And so will I be. Love you Leo.

PS: This is the first time I ever mentioned Skunk on my blog, though my hatred for him has been nursed for sometime now. I tried hard to not mention him, not because I forgave or forgot, just because he is a filth not worth to be mentioned on my blog. But could not resist for long ;;-).

Woe Is Me

Definition of the Phrase "Woe is Me":

"This means that you are sad or in a difficult situation"
"I am distressed; sad; grieved"

Everyone has a bad day at work. I am the current victim. Today is my so called dour day in office. I take my job too seriously. If I am happy at profession, I am happy in personal life too. JOB does play an important role in my Life. May be because the freedom, financial independence, choice to choose and define my life comes from my job. And the same job is also a reason for the stress that I dread in my day-to-day life. And today is one such unpleasant day.

It hurts so much that in spite of all the efforts that you put in, the product that you developed failed in some corner case, and that only customer finds such issue, and that you get an email about the failure with your manager copied on the email. And this happens to be the first email that you check! Wow! What a start?! Your immediate reaction will be to deny the failure. Reply to the customer saying NO it never failed in my case. And with lot of courage you do run through the same steps to reproduce the issue and THERE it is! THE BUG!

Your own script/ product that you developed mocks at you. You try to re-run the same steps not able to believe how it could deceive you by failing. How it could elude you for these many days. You feel cheated by your program. You feel frustrated. You feel an immense disgrace as though you have been questioned by million people to whom you owe a product that NEVER fails. NEVER?! Even GOD makes mistakes. Why cant I? :-(

Anyways, with all this running in your mind, you don’t feel like fixing the program. Taking the revenge. Instead you want to cry like a baby. Deny every responsibility for the failure. Hide your face with someone's hug. This is when you need someone to talk to. Pour out your heart. To whom you could yell! Scream! Let out all the frustrations! Someone who could accept you with all your failures. Someone would say "Its alright!". And its an added bonus if that someone is a special someone. That one person whose voice could set everything right in your world. Everything is a NOTHING. A JOB that is so important to you suddenly becomes a zilch. And your Life seems so easy where few words from this person can set right almost anything and everything. And you are back to terms with everything around you.

How many of us have such people/ special someone in our lives? How many of us can pick a phone and call him/ her and get that perfect medicine to straighten a screwed up day! If you have answers to these questions, you know what to do next time you are going through a bad day!

By the way, is there a solution, where in you know what makes you happy but not able to get it for various reasons?