Hat-trick

A Hat-trick! Well not exactly 3 times in a row, but last Saturday one of my post got paid, the third time! Some thoughts(purely non-fiction) scribbled on internet, intranet that gave me returns in the form of cash, and an even more valuable payout a book(User Illusion - right now half into this book and am awestruck, I just hope to find little more time to complete this one).

I started to wonder what clicks the best in reading/ writing world - simple open thoughts or complicated fiction? Right now am reading two opposite works. User Illusion, purely a science(psychology) supported by facts, theories etc. And Mahabharata, a true epic which I believe is totally a fictional book. I find both equally mesmerizing. I get goosebumps knowing how the mind works, reacts and process what is fed to it and facts, experiments associated with it from the book User Illusion. On the other hand - Mahabharata, I just cannot fathom this marvelous creative work with so many characters, so many twists, tales, and moral values. I cannot imagine the author(s) for their creativity back in those times. I did watch endless episodes of Mahabharata serials on TV when I was a kid, and have been hearing about how great a story it is all my life. But I truly got interested in it recently through my Husband. He introduced me yet again to Mahabharata. There is no Black and White in this epic. Everything and every character has shades of grey. This seems to be the only epic that has the highest number of words in the world. I hope to write a review soon on this someday, if I could get to read the authentic version of it from the beginning to the end. It seems there are answers to every situation or every question one faces in their life in this epic. Well is this just an epic or has it really happened? I favor the former. Given there are so many characters. My research did not show any solid proofs yet to prove that it really happened. But if there are any which I have not found yet I would be more than happy to know that the story did take place. At least part of it. How much we want to tie up everything to reality?

Anyway, I am a more practical person, and if am given a choice to dream consciously, I would still put in the logic, think of the plausibility, feasibility and then imagine. To write fiction one should have the ability to think or imagine beyond the boundaries, one needs to let go of their inhibitions. Most importantly one need to be able to lie. Show something as real as life though it is not. I have a strong influence of who I am on each of my writings. I want all these writing a reflection of me. This thought does scare me cause am letting myself out in the open for anyone to know me!

Another question that puzzles me is how can a single author write so many complex emotions? Does it require for them to feel each of these emotions? Can one write without experiencing the situation? Is that what called creativity? Or is writing actually not a true creative act but correlating act? Relating ones pain, happiness, and such at a different intensity in a different situation? Did that sound complicated? Yeah!

So I stick to writing simple thoughts for now. May be Mahabharata will influence me to writing fiction! May be!

Aesthesia

She was panting...fighting for breath. But still she could not stop. She has to run. She has to reach on time. Every time she looked at her watch she felt it was lying to her. Last time she looked at it, it said 9 AM, and now it was 9:12 AM. She has been running for the last 12 minutes and yet she was  no nearer to her destination. She had a sharp quick pang of fear. She was sweating. She wanted to run fast but time was running faster than her. She had to be at the place in 3 minutes. Doubts clouded her mind. What if she cannot make it to it? No! That cannot happen. For some reason she was forced to be at the place, though she was not able to remember what the reason was. All she knew was to keep running and to reach the place before 9:15, as if it was a matter of life and death.

She tried to look around. To see how far she was. She could recognize so many places, things and people around. All those faces, greeting her, talking to her, asking her questions...as if all of them  failed to see that she was in a hurry. On a deadline. She did not bother to respond to any of them. But she could hear her own words as a response to each of them. She was not sure if she actually spoke back to them or it was all just in her mind. Their faces told her otherwise. For fraction of a second she could forget about time, the deadline and the target. She wanted to physically talk to them, but without opening her mouth words seem to have reached others around her. All of them seem to have a conversation with her at the same time. Those faces, those voices soon became noises to her. She could not concentrate on anyone. She felt smothered. She tried to look far beyond them. Those faces started to fade away, moving away from her...all slowly she could hear and feel was only one thing…her heartbeat. So loud, so fast and so persisting, that it reminded her of the ticking clock.

It was 9:15. She made it. She was at the place. Now she suddenly realized why she had to be there. And that made her more nervous. She was standing in front of the door. A room. An examination hall. She was on time. She took a deep breath and tried to remember everything that she has been reading for this exam. Everything was so vivid in her mind that she walked into the room relieved and confident. A very familiar face approached her and gave her the exam paper. She felt that the face was too close to her and the voice was too loud, saying "good luck"! THAT voice did not belong to this person. She knew this person well, but the voice was new, strange and those two words, she felt were not meant. But She had this exam to complete. She knew better not to be distracted. She was afraid that with every passing second she might forget all that she read for this exam.

She looked at the paper and nothing made sense to her. She could hardly recognize the letters on the paper. She rubbed her eyes over and over and tried hard to look at the paper and read. She tried hard to remember if it is something that she already read but has forgotten. This was not something that she was prepared for. She has been reading something and now she had to answer something else. Something that she does not even understand in the question form. She looked around. Rest of the people in the room seem to have no problem with it. She felt odd. She felt that she was in a conspiracy. That someone is playing a bad joke with her. Or that something has really gone terribly wrong. She tried to focus back and remember. All she could remember was what she has been preparing for the last few days. But that was not what she was asked to take exam on! These strange letters on the paper on her desk looked so alien to her. Something that she has never seen before.

She has already spent last 2 hours doing nothing but worrying, staring into the paper. And one more time she was on deadline. But strangely she did not know what to do. She did know what she is not supposed to do. To Run. She knew that whether or not she does or does not do anything she was not going to pass this exam. All she could do was wait for the deadline. But she hated this feeling. Feeling of not being able to do anything. Feeling of total obscurity. It was far more worse than all those fears and doubts she felt before.

Just about when she was giving up, it all came back to her. She could remember where she was, why she was and when she was. She was in a DREAM. And She was glad that she could WAKE UP!

Work In Progress - Words That Matter

      Jay typed those two words and hit send; "Sure Diana". He had come back from a late night party and could not fall asleep. He surfed through TV channels and nothing caught his interest. He got on the internet to check his emails that needed his response. When he was almost done at the end of half an hour, he saw little window popping up at the corner of his laptop screen that said,"You've got 1 new message". Diana had replied to his email that he sent in the morning, now. She wanted to meet him. It was routine for him. His reportees asking for meetings. These meetings were very revealing for him. Most of these people were very different from their usual, inside his office. As  if his office had the comfort of a couch in a therapist's room. Or that he had the knack of letting other person open up to him and speak out their minds/ hearts. Or may be its his delightful smile that changed things around. He too believed that he could make anyone talk to him, at ease, till he met Diana. He hit send without much thought, but later he thought why would Diana want to meet him. He tried hard to remember their last meeting.

He hated their first meeting in his office. He wanted that meeting to never happen. That meeting was forced on to him. But when Diana came in his office, for a moment he felt otherwise. He wanted to welcome her into the team, yet Diana's coldness in their first meeting brought in the mean streak in him. Unlike others she looked snobby to him, and too proud to acknowledge that she needed any help. One way to get to him was to let him know that one was in need of help. He is always willing to lend a helping hand. But, Diana looked so self-contained and arrogant, that he felt nothing but to hate her guts. He was always miles away from arrogance. And to shove away Diana or her arrogance, he had to be cranky and derogatory to her. Right after their meeting with Diana that day, he felt both guilt and gloat.

And today, he was curious why Diana wanted to meet him. She never came to him in spite of all the hardships he gave her. She seem to have survived well in the new team. Then what was it now that she wanted to talk to him? He flirted with the idea that she might after all has given up, faltered and failed at something that she needed his help now. And that thought made him concerned about her for a second. But his sleep overtook and swallowed all of his thoughts into void leaving Diana at no mercy.


                               ---------***********************************-------------


People around Diana always said that things came to Diana very easily. As if everything was planned  and all she had to do was be there at the right place in right time. That is because she never told anyone how tough it was to her to even reach that RIGHT place. She hated people who attributed something to luck and not in their own abilities. Right from her childhood everyone around her thought she has a luck streak that she does not have to work hard for anything. Even her own parents thought that she is taken care of, and that she *needed* nothing. Diana many a times wanted to fail miserably that she could seek help. She could seek shelter. She wanted people to see that she too is vulnerable. But her self-respect told her otherwise. And she sometimes hated herself for being so strong. For being so shielded that she missed being taken care of.

She wondered what Jay thought about her? Did he also think she is already privileged and so the inefficient employee like Mark *needed* his support and not Diana? Is he also one among those who cared for second-handers and under-performers? Ethan's words came back to her, and she thought she should suspend all her thoughts till she met Jay. She got herself busy with work that she almost forgot about the meeting when Jay came to her desk to remind her of the meeting.

'That is a good sign', She thought; Jay reminding her of the meeting. After all those two words that he sent last night were not something that he typed in his sleep and totally forgot about it.

She followed him into his office....

Work In Progress - The Drama

When she woke up she was not sure if she was still dreaming. But seeing name on the display of her phone she knew it was not a dream. Her boss was calling her on a Saturday morning?!. Due to recession fear, head-count reduction rumors or most importantly the missed deadlines, most of the staff was working on weekends for the last few months. And Diana too was working on weekends except for that day. She was to see an Ortho Doc, for an injury that she suffered during one of her work-out sessions. In spite of everyone telling her to go see a Doc, she has been postponing it till that day. She had informed this to Jay already that she will not be in office on Saturday. Like all her emails this was ignored too.

She was still staring at the display, wondering what is it that Jay is calling her for?! Cuddles snorted at her as if he was irritated with her phone ring tone, and as if to say, 'Will you pick it up already?'.

She took the call and said "Hello Jay?".
"Diana, are you going to be in office today?"
Well, how about a 'Good Morning Diana', to start with she thought.
"Umm...no. What is it Jay?"
"I realized our buddy Mark is not here this week and I want you to take up his column", said Jay.
Mark? Our buddy?. "But Jay, I am already running behind my schedule, I don't think I can take up his work", Diana said fending.
"My question was not if you can do it or not, it is will you do it or not? And I hope you the  know schedule, I want this done before 3 pm today", said Jay with his raised voice.

That upset her. 'He does not even know that I am on leave today and he expects me to work and gives me a deadline? And a work that is to be done by someone else?', she thought. She had no issues with authority per se, but she had very few situations where someone dictated her what to do. And in such cases, she always resisted. Taking orders and rules was something that she was not  acquainted with, unless she knew that it was in her best interests. One thing she could not compromise on was her self-respect. Someone giving her an ultimatum. A choice between 'Yes or No', 'Will you or will you not'. And her usual answer was negative, which was goaded mostly by her ego!
 

'Is he commanding me? Am I to say yes to everything that he asks for?

There was a long pause, and Jay was waiting for Diana's response on the other side. People taking her for granted is something that she really really hated. She pulled up all her courage to say 'No'. But she was surprised to hear herself say, "Okay! I will do it". And she regretted saying it before Jay could hear the half-hearted okay.

'What the F**k? Why did I say okay? Did I think saying yes to this will change Jay's behavior towards me? What was I thinking? '. Right then, Jay looked like a heartless cruel sadistic person that she ever met.

"But, 3 o'clock deadline seems to be next to impossible".
"Sure, take your time, but this has to go on Sunday's special. So you have time till midnight", said Jay.
Diana was thinking about her appointment with the Ortho...when Jay did not get a response, he  mellowed and said, "Diana? Are you still there? I do understand its a Saturday, but we have all been working over weekends and I would really appreciate it if you can finish this up".

All Diana could say was, "Ummm". 'Yeah if only you had seen me limping all around the office for entire week, if only you knew how overloaded I am with all the work, if only you knew that I too have a life...you would understand!', she thought.

Jay continued to say that he too has been working hard for the last few months and that it is really been hectic lately,  all of which Diana failed to listen. She realized that none of it mattered now and all she needs to do is to get over with the work. She stayed silent for the rest of the conversation except for saying Umm's.

"Okay, so I will see you in office today and we will work on this", Jay said before saying bye.
'We', she wondered. And like she thought Jay was never in office the entire day. She left office at 11 in the night after emailing him the column for review. That was her Saturday.

By Monday, Diana had many regrets for taking up job at The Dawn. For chosing to work with Jay. For ignoring Jay's hostility all this while, for saying yes to work on Mark's column.

"Diana! Oh gosh, you look awful, let me guess you had a horrible weekend?", asked Sofia.
"Don't get me started about how my weekend was", Diana replied.
"By the way, looks like marriage did good for Mark, his creative side has come out, did you see the reviews on his column on Sunday? This is the first ever appreciation that he ever got in his entire career!"
"What? You mean last Sunday's column?", Diana asked surprised.

She went back to her desk and wrote a one liner email to Jay asking for a meeting, to which he replied saying that he was busy most of the day and that he could not meet her, but he was free the next day. That reply enraged her that she pushed back her chair to leave office for that day. Right then, she spilled the coffee on  her table which was all over her shirt.

On her way to the wash room she hit her already sprained ankle against the fire extinguisher which aggravated her anger more than her pain. With all the humility, disappointment and feelings of betrayal she banged the wash room door. She cleaned herself up and looked in the mirror. Tears. There were tears running down her face. She did not realize until then that she was crying. And she had no control over those tears. She kept wiping them off her cheeks, but they were not stopping.

Her phone was ringing again. It was Ethan. Her tears became loud sobs when she saw that name.
"Yeah", she said on phone, with a gurgled voice.
"Hai Dee, wait a minute. Are you crying?", asked worried Ethan.
"Nuuooo", she said, still sobbing.
"What is it? Problem at work? Home? Someone said something to you?"
Diana response was jsut her weeps.
"Alright. Are you at work? I will be done in 15 mins, will come and pick you up. We will talk. Is that ok with you?", asked Ethan.
"Ok"
"Now stop crying and pack up. Will be right there with you soon", said Ethan rushing her.
As if she found a temporary solution to all her problems, she sighed and stopped crying at once. She washed up and was ready to meet Ethan and let out all her miseries of her pathetic weekend.

She broke up with Ethan Covey 4 yrs back. They met in one of the photography workshops and they instantly hit it off. Back then they hardly had any discussions or talks between them. Words really played no role in their relationship. It was as if they knew what the other person was thinking or was about to say. They had so many similar tastes, preferences. Life was so easy and simple with Ethan. As if it is a party to enjoy with no worries, tensions.

Diana had to move to the City to work at The Dawn and leave her small home town, and that is when Ethan professed his love for her. Though she knew that it was coming she was in a fix when it came to what her response is. She had high hopes and dreams of her own. She did not know how he would fit in those dreams of hers.

Yet, she loved all the care, attention and each moment spent with Ethan, that she reciprocated, with an SMS after a late night dinner with him, that said, "I love you too :-)". Later Ethan followed Diana to find job in the City. But things changed for them once they moved here. She was always so caught up with her own goals, aims, and grandiose thoughts and she could barely involve him in any of these. Ethan felt left out. First thing that Ethan liked about Diana was that she was always in the right. And the same is what he was hating her the most - for always being right.

She was always in a race. Apart from her job nothing else seemed important to her. And all this was drowning for Ethan. And she was trying to rub this on Ethan too. She was making plans for Ethan's career too. That was the only way she knew to show her love. That was the only way she knew to show that she cared for him. But to Ethan, this looked like she was trying to control his life.

A relationship where there were no words, there were arguments now. And eventually they both decided to end the relationship for their own good. With time they lost touch until a year later where they happened to meet in a cafe.

Since then they have been friends. Good friends. They were in and out of many relationships later. But their relationship as friends stayed. Many of her friends asked her the possibilities of getting back with Ethan. But she knew that it would never happen. If something good like moving to a City with promising careers could not keep them together, then they do not stand a chance with a life full of unexpected turns and twists. May be Ethan knew this too.

"Tell me about it", said Ethan.
"It's my boss!", said Diana.
"What? Boss? Ha ha ha...you are kidding right?"
"No", said Diana firmly.
"Okay. Go on...am all ears", said Ethan.
"Well, first of all I don't think he likes me and I don't know why!"
"Did he tell you he does not like you or is that your assumption?", asked Ethan.
"He says it in each of his actions. He simply hates me".
"Okay, so now am talking to the great interpreter of actions is it? You know what your problem is, you assume. And you over-analyze!", said Ethan and he regretted those words immediately.

One thing he learnt from all these years with her is, that when she is sad and trying to share something, he is only supposed to listen to her and not pass judgements, advises or comments. He knew that he had upset her already. And only two men knew the crankier side of hers. Her Dad, and Ethan. And it is absolutely impossible to deal with her when she is cranky. Unfortunately both of them get to see mostly the petulant side of hers and they seemed to be fine with it. Her Dad cause he has no other option. Ethan cause he preferred this to otherwise, obsessive, aggressive, highly-opinionated, wise women. Her emotions made her dumb and he liked that. It was easy to deal with her stupidity than her wits.

Before, she could react, he said, "Dee, I seriously think you should talk to him and stop over-thinking".
To which Diana replied with her about-to-cry voice, "I did, I called him for a meeting and he said he is not free today."
"So, who is dying tomorrow? You or him? You can still talk to him tomorrow. Now. If you really think I can help you, you have two options. We watch DVDs of your favorite TV show and order a pizza or go to the movies and have a dinner".

That is one trick of Ethan's that always brings smile to Diana. They chose to go to the movies.

That night after she came back from dinner, She replied back to Jay's email saying that she was okay for a meeting tomorrow. And to her surprise she got an immediate reply from him.

"Sure Diana".

Work In Progress - The Journey

He was running late for the meeting. He always is. May be he hates the formalities or subtleties of exchanging greetings with the people attending the meeting. May be by turning up late he can just sneak in without being noticed. May be he thought by being a nobody he could avoid the obligation to laugh at silly jokes that people crack which betray their anxieties.

He caught Diana on his way to the conference room. He said to himself, 'Ah! Not her. I am trying to avoid every possible human contact and there she is. How do I escape her?'. As if Diana understood his discomfort or as if she got used to his indifference by now, she did not bother wishing him either. By now, she learned to avoid such uncomfortable situations for her own good.

Edward had called for a meeting. To discuss budget, and most important result of any such discussion…headcount reduction. Jay hated these meetings. He believed that everyone should be given a second, third or so on chances, till they succeed. He was very soft in these matters. Which was most of his employees complaint about him. He could not tell apart performers from non-performers. Both got the same respect, both almost earned the attention. This was putting high number of his employees at distress. Yet, he believed that non-performers are just unlucky people who are waiting for someone like him to throw chances at them. Why? Did he value humans more than their intellect? Was he trying to make more friends than enemies? Later does not seem to be the case, as list of his enemies was growing day by day. Or did he fail explaining why he did so? Or did people fail to understand his explanation?

He saw the room was full. 'Ofcourse, how much people enjoy being the ones who decide others life's, careers', he thought. The meeting was short, as many did not speak, as if speaking may jeopardize their own jobs. He was happy that the meeting finally came to an end. He tried to leave the room as silently as he came in, but Edward had to stop him. No one escapes Edward.

"Jay! So you know the plan right? I would like to see the list from your end, by the end of this week."
"Yeap", said Jay with an expression that meant if only I had a choice.
"I hope to see less numbers from your department anyway. Am sure each of your employees have handful to work and no one is sitting idle without any assignment?!", it was more of a question than a statement.
Jay knew that Edward was referring to Diana. He knew that he had to get her started on Page 5. To confirm his assumptions, Edward said, "How is the new column on Page 5 coming along? Is Diana having difficult time starting or is she giving you difficult times?". Before he could answer Edward winked at Jay and left the room.

He came out of the room and there she was again. Walking back to her desk, with a coffee mug in one hand and a folded newspaper in the other, reading some article that caught her attention. She was startled when Jay said, "Diana, do you have few minutes?".
"Hai, yes."
"Please come by my office in five minutes, am going to go get my coffee."
"Sure"

She rushed back to her desk and drowned, the now cold coffee down her throat. She found a notepad and pencil and was ready to meet Jay. All this took her only 5 seconds, and she realized that she was to meet  him in 5 minutes. Next 4 minutes, she could not comprehend what was it that she felt. Anxiety? Fear? Worry? Curiosity? Whatever that was it made her uncomfortable.

She knocked on the door and Jay made a gesture with his hand pointing to her to a chair. 'Why can't he say it in words?', She thought. She had never been in Jay's office before. Jay was struggling to find a notepad or something. Diana's eyes wandered across Jay's office. It was cluttered. There were too many things. Most of which surprised her. Paper greeting cards from his acquaintances, friends and family. Which meant he is a sensible and sensitive guy who treasures those cards. Few were dated 10 years back. Wow, who keeps a 10-year old card? He must be a romantic at heart she thought. There were many presents, awards hanging on the walls, which spoke of his accomplishments. She could not believe that he had so many accomplishments from her first meeting. That was another surprise to her. On his desk, she found couple of books, and  "The Joy of WORK" by Scott Adams book caught her attention. That was the biggest surprise of all. Jay looked like someone caught in the wrong place. And someone who is enduring a painful job which he is least bothered about. And this book...she wondered if he ever opened the book!

"Okay! This is our first formal meeting I suppose", Jay said, writing date and Diana's name on one of the pages on his notebook.
"Well yes!"
Jay explained to her about their plans of running a column against Corruption on their Page 5 and how important this job is, and how many ass-****s she might have to deal with, and how tough it was.
He went on to add, "Given the complexity and importance of this work I had few people on mind who would run this column, but well Edward said it will be Diana who is right for this job. So here it is. Welcome aboard!"
Diana felt the pinch. She could connect back everything to this. The reason Jay kept her at a distance, why he kept her avoiding; he did not like Diana working on this column. She felt both happy and sad at the same time. Happy that, THAT was the only reason why Jay ignored her. If it was, she knew that she could prove him wrong and she could win his accolades given a chance. Sad, cause she was worried about "What-ifs". What if she could never straighten things out with Jay?

Meeting went on for 10 more mins, with Jay explaining her the intricacies of interviewing different people and how to get the right data to the public. At the end, Diana left the room with half excitement and half anxiety.

Next few months were difficult for Diana. Any information she gathered for the article, and when asked Jay to review it, he had would ask her to get it reviewed by one of her peers, with Jay not even looking at it. Even though she was more experienced than all of those people whom Jay mentioned to her. She still did it. She knew when to swim against and when to go with the tide.  Her first article that got published got so many appreciations, yet he never acknowledged. It was as if Page 5 was a lost cause to him. After a while Diana gave up trying to win his accolades. She tried to solace herself saying that she was at least doing good at her job, even with all the dis-approvals from her immediate boss. That was her, after a while people around her hardly affected her or mattered to her.

It was a Friday night and Diana has been working on her next column for the last 38 hrs. She saw her pet, a Labrador puppy, at her feet, sleeping so blissfully. She called him Cuddles. She envied him. She thought if only I was a puppy! Could sleep like a log without anything to worry, would be fed like a beast, and adored like a precious doll. But, she a human being has to have a job to feed herself. Had to sacrifice her sleep to keep the job. She could have been on the party that her friend Lisa invited her. Yet, she was here working like an ass. Her phone rang which woke Cuddles up. He snorted and left her room to sleep in the living room without any noises around. What a luxury you have, she thought. It was Lisa. She checked time and it was 1 in the morning.

"Diana! I knew you would be awake...a workaholic. You would have loved this party! It is 1 in the morning and party looks like its just started", Diana could hear loud music and people in the backdrop, and she knew that Lisa was not lying.
"Well, the story of my life!", Diana said  agreeing to Lisa.
"Hmm, don't you worry! Once you are done with your assignment we will catch up for sure. Unlike you am always free...okay, I gotta go. Bye!"

Lisa's call made her suddenly tired. She thought she should get some sleep. She switched off the lights and as she nuzzled into the bed, she saw Cuddles coming back to her room with a look on his face which said, "It's high time you realized that you needed sleep".

She dreamed that she was interviewing someone for her next column and she could not hear the person, as there was a heavy music. She was trying to ask him the same question again and again, but she could not make out what the other person was trying to say. She was yelling on top of her voice that the person could hear her. And all she could hear in response was some familiar music. She realized that it was her ring tone. She tried to find her phone, but it was not with her. She was wondering where the ring tone came from.

She woke up as if someone pushed her out of the dream. Her phone was ringing. It was 8 in the morning. She slept for 8 hrs, but it looked like less than 8 minutes. She reached study table and picked her phone. The display said "Jay Clements calling...".

Work In Progress - The Dawn

The Dawn, recently celebrated its silver jubilee as a successful news publishing company . At the function which involved many of the celebrities from Politics, Entertainment, Sports, announced its plan to expand concentrating mainly on South zone. As part of this initiative South Zonal office has been setup with James Edward leading the newspaper line. Jay Clement has been moved from Head-Quarters to assist James as the managing editor. Jay took it up the moment it was offered to him, more for the reasons that he wanted to move back close to home in south.

Two years since south zone has been setup and the sales have been going up for the last few quarters. Though the early days were a struggle for both Edward and Clement. Clement was the right-hand man to James, who took over most of the operational work and played a major part in setting up the unit and running it successfully. He did all this just because he was passionate about work will be a lie. Rumors are that he reaped good monetary benefits and stock options. But lately things have not been going well between the two. In-spite of all the hard-work that Clement and his team has put in to run the newspaper successfully in the south zone, James brought in a new Managing Editor. Not as a threat to Jay's job, but as any other Chief would do when the business is expanding. When Jay expressed the same concern with Edward, he was ridiculed. James said, "If I go by your theory, the CEO from the head quarters had to come down to run this  South Zone, not me". But for Clement there was a break of trust between James and him. He tried to accept the new managing editor Perry Thomas. He corrected his expectations. But the feeling of losing his position as the most reliable person for James always nagged him. To add to this Edward was directly making changes in his team, few times consulting him and most of the times without consulting him. Edward was also making decisions on what gets published and what does not. Jay felt less energetic each day. He felt he was no more important at office nor his decisions were respected.

It was an usual Monday morning. Diana's first day at "The Dawn". She likes changes. New beginnings. Every ending is a new beginning to her. Not that she isn't nostalgic. But she is a reformer at heart and she knows how to forget the bitter past and move on. At job, in life, in relationships. She knows how to mend a broken heart,  solve a tiff at work place or a difficult problem in life. She has seen life. Seen the worse. Seen the best. But all of it does not score against her feminine side. She cries like any other girl, rather more than any other girl. If there was a competition, she would definitely win. Nothing or no one can stop her tears, except her realization that its a waste of time and tears. And that realization often comes after she has spent good enough time wasting it. Of course, this new job is going to make her cry too.

She came in early to realize that only 30% of the staff was in office. She was asked to meet Sofia Keller, Jay's assistant. She was able to find her way to Sofia's desk. After womanly greetings and hugs, Sofia showed her desk, and took her around for a tour of the office. On their way Diana heard someone yelling. It was coming from one of the conference rooms. The door was half open. Diana could see from the corner of her eye...a bald short man standing next to the door, with his head down and peeping through the door to see if there is any audience for his embarrassment. She could not see who was yelling. Sofia said that it was so and so columnist swearing at his journalist regarding an article and that she is not to mind the entire fiasco they put up on a Monday morning.

"Umm. How is Jay? Is he also like that? Does he yell? Does he get angry?" asked worried Diana.

Sofia stopped for a second and turned back to face Diana who was following her to the pantry. "He is the ONE who you need not worry about. He is a darling! I have never seen him getting angry. You are lucky!", she said with a wink.

"Phew! That's a relief. My first worry at any job is my boss", said Diana with a sigh of relief.

"When does he come in? Can I meet him today?", inquired Diana.

Sofia looked at her watch and said, "well, he should be in any minute now. Sure, let me check his calendar. Usually no one has meetings on Mondays, unless you have ruined their weekend with a horrible article that got published", with raised eye brows which meant as a matter of fact.

"But you don't worry. Your boss knows how to ignore mistakes. You will never have worrisome Mondays", said Sofia clearing Diana's doubts. Ignore mistakes? Wow, is that good or bad? She does not like to work in an environment where in everything is grey. To her everything is either black or white. No in-betweens, she would honor choosing sides than playing a diplomat. She would prefer a blunt feedback to flattery. Even though it hurts her ans stings her more than she expected it to.

Sofia introduced Diana to few other staff members in the pantry. And all day long Diana kept listening to people's opinion of Jay. Everyone said that she is lucky to work with Jay Clement.

Diana and Sofia got back to their desks. Diana was setting up her desk when Jay walked in. He was fiddling with his PDA, probably checking the stocks that he invested in she thought. She stood up waiting to greet him. As he approached Diana said "Hi Jay. Good Morning!".

Jay looked up. After 2 seconds he realized who he was talking to. No smile. No expression. A blank face is what Diana got. He said, "Yeah hi. Diana right?". How can he forget her name? The one name which reminds him of the checkmate that he got. Now the name is a person. A face. A constant reminder in his work place. "Let's catch up later in the day", and he disappeared before those words could reach Diana's ears. She felt awkward. For some reason she thought its not the same person she met at the party two weeks back. Its not the same person, whom the rest of the staff has been singing praises. Is this their way of ragging a new joinee? Raising your expectations so high that you end up disappointed and let down to the depths of the earth and humiliation? Is this how new members are welcomed? In the next few months she learns that it is partly true. She was too new in the organization to be trusted and everyone played safe by being a hypocrite, except for Sofia. And of course Sofia was sucking up-to her boss and later Diana learns that she also has a crush on him.

She thought may be am overacting. May be am over-thinking. He might just be busy. Or his stupid stocks did not show him the right numbers. Or may be Monday morning blues. She thought he would be different when they meet later in the day. But that meeting never happened. Not for the next two weeks.

Jay kept ignoring her. He thought by ignoring her he can get back to James. As if not acknowledging Diana, he is in a way not acknowledging Edward's authority, intrusion. He knew that he was not thinking straight. He knew that Diana is the victim for no fault of hers. Yet he just could not get the courage to look past it and welcome Diana into the team. Every chance he got he denied her presence, in group meetings he acted as though she was invisible to him, only him knowing how much he felt her presence. There was no news segment assigned to Diana and she was getting restless day by day. Each day she used to come to office in a hope that Jay would finally find time for her and ask her to work on an assignment. But each day ended with nothing but frustration. One  such day she caught James Edward in the elevator on her way to the basement.

"Hey Diana, how are you doing?", James inquired as soon as he saw her in the elevator. That was James strength. Knowing people by their names no matter how small they were when compared to him. Having that personal relationship, adding more meaning to his relationships with his employees. She was very happy to know that at least someone, no, the big head was talking to her with such familiarity. 
She gave a wry smile and said,  "Doing good Edward. Nice to see you".

"So, how is the dawn treating you? Enjoying like I said you would?"
"To tell you the truth, The Dawn is treating me like I own it. No work assigned till date and yes enjoying my honeymoon period, which seem to last forever", she said sarcastically.
James smiled as if he exactly understood what was going on and said, "Let me know if you would be interested in Weekly Magazine. I can have you work with Perry Thomas."

Diana was hired by James to write on a weekly column on Corruption, which would run half of the Page 5 in The Dawn on Thursdays. It looked promising. She loves challenges and accepted the offer immediately, as she was looking for a firm which would let her publish with freedom with no bureaucracy. But Jay has not even spoken a word since she joined the dawn. On the other hand, an offer to run a weekly series in the magazine? She thought this would lead to her dream of publishing a novel someday. But she knew she wanted to work with Jay. She has been reading The Dawn for the last three months, especially her favorite Editor's Column by Jay Clement. And she had decided that she wants to work with Jay back then.

"Well, Jay seems to have something big planned for me, like you promised. And I read in one of his articles that patience is a nice virtue"
"Sure, my dear. That is why I hired you", James said with a smug, and patting her back, to say mean that he was proud of her.
They said goodbyes as the elevator halted.

On her way back home, Diana was hardly concentrating on the traffic. Surprisingly there was not much traffic and which allowed Diana to slip into her thoughts. She was thinking how Jay and James are different. How she felt so comfortable, respected and trusted with James, even with those fewer minutes she have had with him. How he could meet a person for few minutes and linger on their minds for days. On the other hand, Jay, makes himself so invisible that it is hard to register his presence, no matter how hard you try. How did she find his articles so captivating but not him. She could see that working with Jay was not going to be a smooth ride like the one she was having now on her way back to home. She could see it as a challenge. The biggest challenge. She thought if syncing of thoughts or ideals is so much important to work with a person? How could she not read the person behind those articles she has been reading for the past few months? Jay was totally opposite to what she had imagined of an author of those columns.

That ruined her day. She took a sudden turn and picked her mobile to dial a number. She had no plans to go back to home that day. She was going to meet her x-boy friend, a trustworthy friend of hers and spend the rest of the evening cribbing about her new job. Women. At the end of the day, they are no different! They all need a friendly shoulder to rest their head on, and Diana was no different.

[ To be Continued....?]

I have no idea what crap am writing about. I got 5 more pages written, but only by this third post I know what the title is going to be "The Dawn". It is fiction for sure, but what is the genre going to be? I don't know.  What is the theme?  I don't know. What is this about? I don't know. Is this how people write? But I do enjoy writing, even if it is crap.

Work In Progress - The Dialogue

..."Aren't you Jay? The Managing Editor?". It was a new face. He always liked strangers than familiarities. Moreover it was a female, the weaker sex. He was more at ease now. 'The Managing Editor'...when was the last time someone reminded him of what position he holds in the industry? Jay...and a stranger calling him by his first name and who knows him already by name...yeah the first name, before even they had met? He stretched his hand forward for a handshake, nodding yes with a narrow smile and with a gesture which meant "And you are?". Before these words could make their way out of his snarly thoughts and reach his mouth, she said, "I am Diana...". Their hands met briefly for a quick handshake.

There are moments. Moments when things happen with the speed of time but moments in human minds which would take their own time. Which would run on their own time. Moments like these. When two strangers meet. Each trying to analyze and judge the other person. Logical mind pounding to frame the first impression of the person. As if making a first impression is as necessary as knowing the other person's name. Name is an external identity of a person, but our brains maps these names to the tags that our logic, experience has tagged them with.

To her, the first impressions were most of the times the last impressions. They hardly changed. Not that she was not willing to revise them, but people somehow remained same. Or may be she is good at guessing a person by their first meet. Little details of each person which are unique to them, made it easier for her to come up with tags...boring, fake, lazy, kind, mean, over-confident, difficult, hypocrite and so on. People got more tags added to them, but their first tags she gave them remained. Body language, dressing style, gestures, their choice of words, facial expressions, a handshake...people carry so much of their identity with them wherever they go whether or not they want to give it away.

He was dressed in pale colors, his shirt drooping from his shoulders. With a slight hunchback, to look shorter than he is. She thought he is diffident. She is right, he always underplays except for one, that is his age. She did not know his age, and guessed that he must be in his mid 40's. And she is right again, he makes every attempt to be older than he is, as though he is in a race for aging and he seem to have succeeded. His handshake. Her style is to give a  "Cold Fish" handshake and let the other person lead. It is her trick with strangers to know their personality. And to her surprise he gave it back to her....the cold fish!

Diana tagged him...Timid.

To him, his first impressions were always wrong. Those who he thought were his followers were the people who stabbed him in the back, those who he wanted to put his trust in, let him down. For each of these experiences he blames the people rather than his own judgement of them. And today he is a pessimist who can only look down on each of these mean little creatures on earth who look so small to him.

He realized that he was standing near the emergency exit that leads to the staircase. Diana has come from there. What was she doing there? He thought may be she was on a phone call...with her boy friend?. He dismissed this idea, thinking if she really did have a boy friend, he would be here in this party with her. He fancied with the idea that she is yet another dumb girl who could not find the way to elevator in that building and climbed up the stairs to this place. Or was she also like him, who steps back to watch the rest of the world play for him/her? Was she watching him all this while? How long was she there? His thoughts were interrupted by another voice, which he is so used to listening to everyday. Which he detests. And there was a shadow of frustration on his face, which Diana could see.

"There you are...Jay meet your new troupe member, Diana. She is joining us in two weeks", said James. What? A new member in his team? When did this happen? And without his knowledge? She is joining in two weeks time and he has no hint of it? When was James planning to break this news to him? On the day of her joining? Of course, James was the Chief of Editor, but am the one who is running the department, I need to know who am going to work with on day to day basis. What the hell does this 'silly stupid forthcoming girl' know about writing in the first place? Yes, that was his first judgement of Diana, which was mostly influenced by his anger, fury, frustration.

James took Diana away to introduce her to other people. And Jay stood there helpless. Powerless. After all the stranger turned out to be a mockery at his weakness. A smack on his ego. And so he made her the target of his indifference, reproach, and bitterness in the next couple of months...

[ To be continued...]

Work In Progress - My First Fictional Character

There he is, standing at the corner of the room. Looking older than his age. His face feigning the battles he fought to be where he is today in his life. As though he has lived many lives in a single span of life time that is not seen the end yet. With shallow popping eyes, which hardly say anything. If at all they say, its worry that they speak. No one can figure what troubling thoughts made his hair salt-and-peppers. No one can call him their  friend. No one seems to have an opinion of him. How did he miss the sheer judgement of people around him? Or how did he become so invisible that people did not bother judging him?

He always finds himself a safe comfortable corner in any gathering where no one could bother him. What is he afraid of? People? Being a target? Or is he so busy with his own imaginary worries that he believes that people are better off without his company? Yet he is there. In that room filled with hundreds of people. Room filled with laughter, chatter, and most importantly boredom for him.

He skims across the room, searching for something but not sure of what it is. He searches each of those faces, few of those which he sees everyday, in speculation. He stood there, may be not to isolate himself. May be to see if someone from the crowd notices him. May be to know if someone out there is looking for him. And as if someone did read this in his searching eyes, he heard someone say "Hello..." behind his ears.

The voice startled him. It was someone's which he had never heard before. He was almost about to disregard the voice not believing that it was intended for him. But, he could see no one else with him in that corner of the room. Isn't that the reason why he chose to place himself there. But He felt someone standing right behind him. His curiosity told him to turn around. His caution told him to wait. This was not new to him...wavering. Between two minds. Between decisions. Between right and wrong. Between yes and no. 'May be' is his favorite phrase and 'Grey' is his favorite color.


It felt like ages for him before he could take an action. He always felt time was leaving him behind, and he found himself many a times running behind the mirage of time. In reality it was only a fraction of second but his mind aged him churning over his endless thoughts each day. And suddenly, in a jiff the voice turned out to be an image. A solid image standing right in front of him, waiting for his response.


THAT was their first meeting....[ To be continued...]

Setting herself free from...

Part I Entrancing
It was a saturday. And it was raining heavily.

School gets over by 3 pm on saturdays and there would be sports classes after that.But cause of rain they were cancelled and they were let to go home. Everyone were happy as the next day would be a sunday. No need to do any homework as you have one long sunday for that! Postponing that task till sunday evening or monday morning!

She wanted to go back home and play around with her friends. Waiting for the rain to calm down so that she can go home. Cursing the rain cause her mother would not allow her to play in the rain. She heard her friends saying that its great getting drenched in the rain but she herself never did that. Her friends too were waiting with her. It was more than a half an hour that they were watching the rain drops dribbling. Parents of few kids came to the school to pick up their children. She knew that her father will not come to pick her up as he works in another town and he himself would have been caught up in the rain.

But she was not thinking of any of these things..she was not even thinking of the games that she would be palying when shez back home...she was not even thinking of her homework...She was ...with one thought..and that was how would it be to get drenched in the rain. Same thought striked her friend too, and finally they decided that they will reach home inspite of the rain. Their intention was not to reach home but to play in the rain. Rain was entrancing her...

First time...showered with the drops of rain...she had nice fun with her friends. It was a great adventurous event for her. They were not worried about the people around them who were running helter-skelter from rain. They were happy that it rained and were hoping for it not to stop till they reach home.

It was the end of such an elated, jubilant journey. She reached home finally. She forgot all about her world and she returned home gleefully. But her mother was not in the same mood. Her mother was schocked to know that she has come home in such a heavy rain. Later that evening the same thing was complained to her father and her father beat her for doing that. But poor SHE...she did not think that getting wet in rain is such a sin and that she would be punished that way for that. She did never think that it would be taken so seriously by her parents. It was like her mother would support her if her father was angry with her and her father would support her if her mother was angry with her. But that day both her father and mother were scolding her. That night she did not have her dinner...she wept to herself and made a promise to her that she would never again get wet in rain.

Things were normal the next day...and the climate too was normal the next day...but for her there was a great change...she never again dared to come home in rain. She started hating rain since then....hatred out of fear...fear of disturbing her mother again...fear of having to face her father's fury...fear of not able to face this from her parents, fear of desolation from them. From school to college, college to the world, in the world as a person staying away from parents, in search of a bright career, she has been hearing from her friends, companions, colleagues...many saying/ talking about rain. She can see the joy in their eyes when it rains...but for her it would remind her of that night where she wept alone. Rainy day would be the worst day for her...it had a very bad psychological effect on her that every rainy day she would feel lonely, dejected and irritated.

Part II Embracing...

It was raining again...she was so busy the whole day but was satisifed that at the end of the day she was done with the work. She can go back home peacefully. But this was not the case with her. Damn thing it was raining...though it was already late she sat back and was waiting for the rain to stop. Finally she decided to go home, thinking that the rain would not stop.

She came out cursing rain...but strangely she was not feeling lonely...her immediate subject matter was to reach hostel as soon as possible. She got into the auto and due to trafiic rules had to get down at a place from where she had to walk down to her hostel. She hurried to cross the road and now she was in the same isolated, most of the times empty lane that she takes everyday back to her hostel. There were few people hurrying to reach their homes, few standing at the bus stop sheltering themselves from the rain.

She suddenly slowed down...she slowed down to walk at a relaxed pace, to stop and look at the hurried world around. To look at inner-self.

She was letting the rain embrace her. Thousands of rain drops kissed her face. Those drops questioning her why she had to hate them for so many years. Why is that she felt lonely when it was raining? Why was it they were looked at with contempt? She veritably has a peaceful comfortable life and like any other human being she should enjoy the rain. Now those rain drops were slapping her face with these questions trying to wake her up. Those rain drops were washing off her hallucinations, wiping of the brinks that she has set to herself.

She was set free...set free from her rules, from her trammels, from her self-effacing, from her timidness, from her limitations, from her oaths to herself. She was set free from the umbrella of that was sheilding her from the love and happiness of the nature to embrace her.

She finally realized that there were no one who could constrain her apart from herself.