Its Dec 31st, end of the year 2004. Now am in Orcle India Pvt. Ltd, Hyderabad. Where I was at the begining of the year and where am I now? Hope the same happens with the year 2005...but not the same experience as of Oracle. But a good one....nething would be good when compared to this. I think my life is all about repenting for the mistakes of my fate. Repenting for not goin for higher studies, repenting for quitting Infosys. I dont wanna blame fate alone in this. Yes am not that bold to face life...stand still and fight against the odds and continue pursuing my dreams/ passions/ interests. I satisfy myself blaming my fate. I zus think of coming out the situation that am in but fail to find a solution to solve it.
Last 31 Dec....it was not at all noticeable. I was very busy with work schedule. This time I hav been hearing plans for the new year eve from my collegues/ friends since a week. I hav time, but no one to spend it with. What a pity?!!! In Infy I had many friends but we never used to hav time for ourselves. But here....yeah I hav enuf time for myself...yes only myself. Is that all I wanted? May be...I was so stupid. I was trying to find time but loosing maby friends/ fun. I was looking for a change but I had no idea of this sort of change. I used to think that time is the most valuable thins one can possess in their lives. Bhut therz no use in having it when you don make use of it to hav lasting memorable moments in ur life.
I felt very sick in the afternoon, I zus called up my parents and wanted very badly to go to Madanapalli. Again am zus trying to run away...Again this feeling of loneliness is striking me. What is that I want? Sometimes I like to be all alone lost in my thoughts but sometimes I feel like having someone to share those thoughts with. If independance means being alone so that no one wud interfere in your thoughts and no one would be there to tell you of your thoughts are right or wrong the I don need it.
I get easily irritated for no reason. And I blame someone for that. Come on gimme a break. I shud stop this and start cheering up msyelf. No one could give you happiness/ sorrows, its all in one's perspective of what happiness r sorrow means. May be I haven't yet seen what happiness is exactly about. I get bored of everything n nething very soon. Am lacking interest in most of the things, once books and music were my passion. Nowadays I read books r listen to the music zus to pass the time. Zus to forget my very own existence, so that nothing matters to me. Why is that always I try to ponder on all the negatives things that hav happened in my life. Why cant I be positive, optimistic? God something is really bad with me. Whenever I think of the college days tht I hav spent with Shanthi/ Bindu I miss Shanthi. Why cant I be happy thinking that atleast Bindu is with me? This is a never ending saga....
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