Love Being A Woman

Are men to be blamed?

Am I feminist? I do not know! In fact I am more comfortable being among men rather than women. I met this woman from IT field and she is earning a decent salary working for an MNC. Married and a Mom. But if she has to step out of her house she needs her husband. One to take his  permission and second for him to escort her. I wonder how she comes to work everyday alone? She is not even allowed to touch the car, as apparently after she drove the car it had to be repaired. Can a car be damaged cause of the driver? Without any accident? She earns more than him and even contributes to most of their family expenses. To go to her Mom's place she needs him to approve, support and accompany her. What the hell, cant she just hop on a bus/ train and go on her own?  If she was assigned an onsite project would he take her and drop her at her workplace? Why are woman still so dependent on men? Why do they do this? Is the man to be blamed or these woman who like being taken care of by men and hence impose these disabilities on them? Without her husband she is a handicap who cannot go around anywhere on her own( work is an exception though - somehow!). And when I hear to women *cribbing* about this, not realizing the fault is theirs, I find it hard to keep my cool and listen to them. Am so afraid that I might snap out and say something that might hurt the other person. And who am I to get into their family matters anyway! So yeah am more comfortable being among men, who discuss stock market, cricket etc.

Men are given opportunities based on their potential while women are given opportunities based on their performance. Is it true?

I attending a corporate women leadership forum today. Women from different companies, with varied skills, positions and ages were there. All of us had one question. Repeatedly, over and over asked, discussed and debated. The issue was - MEN. Everything boiled down to dealing a man, unfortunately. Diversity! . How do you overcome this bias?

I am not sure this is true. But all those examples, case studies complemented it. However, there were exceptions too( all those panelists, key notes speakers - well yeah all these successful women). But the pyramid of women in leadership was too narrow and too steep. Stats say 50% of engineering college students are girls. So why is there only 5% when it comes to the top ladder?

What does it take to be a Man?

There was a man( Prakash Belawadi - a journalist, and an actor from the movie Madras Cafe) among the panelists too. He mentioned that all those aspects of being a woman should only be taken as an advantage when compared to men. Men should actually adopt these, rather than women trying to change/ see them as their negatives. A woman performs 9 out of 10 tasks assigned to her exceptionally well, but fails in 1. But she is stuck to that one failure. She admits it. Many women today saw it as being tactless in not being able to project the good to cover up the bad. Men like Prakash see it as being open and honest. Men go and meet anyone and make friends with him. They socialize over a coffee, smoke or a cocktail party. If a woman approaches or tries to be too social she is judged for her character. It does not matter what a man wears to a board meeting, but it matters what a woman wears. Say if a lady wore flip flops like Steve Jobs to one of the board meetings, would she even be considered a leader?

And if one knows women, this list would go on and on. One thing they are for no doubt good at is cribbing, expressing their emotions, problems. I personally think men are equally shy, socially uncomfortable. Men nowadays are into the kitchen. Into taking care of kids. I know of many of my colleagues who baby sit when their wifes HAD to go to work. I know of many men who do not treat you as a weaker gender but respect them for being their equal or more than that. We woman have so many advantages working for us - we have this unique intuition which is very important when you are directly working with clients. Our minds are more irrational than men. And on top of it, we can empathize better, connect better. We talk a lot, hence better communicators. So be yourself. A Woman. And be proud of this fact.

If at all someone is to be blamed for why women are where they are today, in countries especially like India - the women themselves.

Gyan

Much needed gyan -

http://women.siliconindia.com/women-expert/Being-A-Women-eid-191.html

Girl from Jammu

Well, there is new girl in my Aerobics batch. She is newlywed Jammu girl. Just 2 months into marriage. She is so animated while talking as if she is so amazed at the world around. As though she is marveling everything in her life. I like the couple. He comes to pick her up after the classes and I really like the couple. He seems to be a doting husband. I don't know if all the happiness [?] around them is because they are newlyweds.

Girl looks like a doll. Very pretty, bubbly, cheerful and friendly. Everyone would fall in love with her. Her brains, I do not know. Her attitude, outlook and behavior impressed me. I speak to the girl almost every day and heard about marriage from her. Just 2 months into marriage, but she talks as though she has figured it all about marriage. I am pretty sure she is much younger to me, but somehow the way she talks about marriage surprised me. How could she be so sure about her life? 

She does not look like those pretty dolls with no brains, or no understanding of life. She seems to be someone who has come to terms with life and understood life. That is what I like about her. She seems to have known life. People like her make me hopeful about life, and about marriage. 

Women ARE better than Men in many ways. It's just that they do not know how to express, how to come forward. I am surprised at the way each of these women want to add more to their life's than just being a housewife or a mother. All of these people love oneself more than they love others.

Is a woman vulnerable?

This question has been troubling me since I started reading the book ‘Ladies Coupe`’ by Anita Nair. She tries to answer few of the questions that every woman would have faced in her life, but fails in doing so. This novel is good in answering the question ‘Is a woman vulnerable?’ rather than ‘Can a woman stay single and live happily?’. She narrates stories of six women who are very much different in their age, social status etc but all being Indian women. But I think a woman’s life is the same wherever (across the world) you go… a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a wife. She is the same ..compassionate, caring, affectionate, at the same time she is mighty, vindictive, erosive.

I liked one of the characters comparing herself (a woman) to ‘water’. Water – one among the five elements that constitute life. Water that moistens. Water that heals. Water that comforts. Water that flows tirelessly. Water that also destroys. Capable of dissolving just about anything which as mere water, it wouldn’t even dare to aspire to. Raging with a vehemence that could burn and destroy poisons that if allowed to remain, would kill that was natural and good.



Protagonist Akhila in this novel tries to seek an answer for her question from the stories of other women. I basically did not like this character Akhila, who is a mere hypocrite, an insane person who thinks that she can share her sorrows/ intrigues with co-passengers who are women like her. How could some one else solve your problem of life? If it was that simple to get answers to your questions from other’s lives why would this world still have many problems? After all are the problems of two women the same?

The only two characters I liked are Prabha Devi and Margarette.

Prabha Devi a woman who doesn’t go by the norms set by men. A woman who has her own opinions and plans for her life. A woman who does some thing out of routine to make her life interesting. Who likes to be the way she is. Who is completely assured of who she is, who knows what she wants and who knows what she doesn’t like. A woman who is confident and content with what she is.

Margarette, a chemistry lecturer who tolerates all the contempt from the most loved husband and finally decides to be evasive to him in order to touch and shake his self-esteem the very foundation of his being. She knows how to come over the male egoism.
I liked her theory of comparing people to chemicals – arsenic, bromine, lithium, cobalt, tetrasulphur tetranide, nitrous oxide and finally hydrogen sulphur.

Bromine – Heavy, volatile, not very active by herself, but united readily with others.
Lithium – Light and slivery, dazzling everyone with smile and charm.
Cobalt – Evil spirit. Hard and brittle.
Tetrasulphur Tetranide – The trickiest. Trusted aide, changes its color with the room temperature.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. Droll and funny.
Arsenic – Poisoner of minds
Hydrogen Sulphur – King of chemicals. Given to extremes.

You ought to read the novel to understand how she compares her colleagues with these chemicals.

All the six characters in this novel have had their mother’s influence in the way they were brought up. Their mother saying how she should be like a daughter, like a wife, like a sister, like a mother. But none of them tell them how to be like a woman, a woman with her own identity. I owe a lot to my mother for this. She did never teach me all these. She taught me how to be independent. How to be successful. How to be unvanquished. My Dad’s affection makes me a child but my mother made me a woman. To me, my mother and grand-mother are role models. They did never impose any restrictions on me and they did never forget to let me know if there was something that I should know.