I believe that success at my work defines me. As if my whole worth and life is decided on how perfect I am at my job. That is the reason why I react to even a small issue at work. It bothers me a lot. A lot. I start thinking of alternatives. I start thinking of solutions. I just start thinking...and there is no stopping.
Looking back, I have been raised in a way where I believed that I am nothing if I don't stand first in the class. My marks, my ranks decided my worth. Should I be blaming my parents for this? May be. And now, even though there is no one to tell me what defines me, I seem to have assumed that it is my job. I always want to be the best. I want to be perfect. None of my friends or relationships that I have gave me a sense of who I am. What I am without my job. Except for two [ B & S ], who are far far away, no one ever gave me a feeling that they like me as a person, that they see me as something other than a successful woman or a topper in college. Not that I am a bad person. I like so many things about me. I am a good human being. I am intelligent. I am kind hearted. Helping person, most of all I am very humane. But all these are not the ones used to measure the worth of a person. Looks like it. If I had no job, if I was dumb would any of these people who were in my life still value my friendship or relationship with me? Would any of these people respect me as a human being? Guess not.
Respect defines me. And I get that from my job. If someday I am married, and a mother, would I still be looking for my self-worth through a job or through my family? Have I got all my basics wrong or am I in a world where everything is so screwed up? Do I need help?
How do people like Skunk live? Without a character, without respect? Can I live like them? Like losers? Without self-respect and conscience?
Looking back, I have been raised in a way where I believed that I am nothing if I don't stand first in the class. My marks, my ranks decided my worth. Should I be blaming my parents for this? May be. And now, even though there is no one to tell me what defines me, I seem to have assumed that it is my job. I always want to be the best. I want to be perfect. None of my friends or relationships that I have gave me a sense of who I am. What I am without my job. Except for two [ B & S ], who are far far away, no one ever gave me a feeling that they like me as a person, that they see me as something other than a successful woman or a topper in college. Not that I am a bad person. I like so many things about me. I am a good human being. I am intelligent. I am kind hearted. Helping person, most of all I am very humane. But all these are not the ones used to measure the worth of a person. Looks like it. If I had no job, if I was dumb would any of these people who were in my life still value my friendship or relationship with me? Would any of these people respect me as a human being? Guess not.
Respect defines me. And I get that from my job. If someday I am married, and a mother, would I still be looking for my self-worth through a job or through my family? Have I got all my basics wrong or am I in a world where everything is so screwed up? Do I need help?
How do people like Skunk live? Without a character, without respect? Can I live like them? Like losers? Without self-respect and conscience?
