10 Years Journey Into....

Last sunday, the July 14th, 10 years back I reluctantly joined IT field. Cause my Dad suddenly declared that he cannot sponsor my higher studies abroad. So I was asked to work for few years earn and sponsor my own studies. For almost 8 months( yes, I clearly remember for how long, cause I was counting each and every day), into my career all I cherished was my I20. I just was waiting for a day to leave. To fly. To reach the sky. To soar.

Even in school and college days when I thought of my career I did not think about a steady job that pays for my bills and loans. This was never my idea. I always wanted to be a student. A scientist :-). Well, in which specialization again, I did not know, all I wanted was to be a scientist, doing some kind of research, analysis. Even till date I exactly do not know what these titles are for, in reality.

Now, 10 years into my career, I no more have the same energy or passion for studies. Or may be I lack motivation or the environment. Once in a blue moon, I get inspired by one of my friends, and I seriously think of doing a management course. I send out mails to institutes and I collect all the data and keep it. Call people and gather information.  Just keep it! Tucking it safely behind the back of my mind. I do not know why I do that.

Life changes so much since school. Since college. No one tells you this. Even since day 1 of my career, life has changed so much. Different sets of friends, acquaintances. I really miss my first job and the first few friends that I made in this field. A bunch of 10 people, 0-1 yrs experienced. All of us were so alike. So much. In many ways. None of us had long-term plans in that job, yet we worked 18-20 hrs every single day including weekends. Few of us were sleeping in office itself. No complaints. No cribbing. As if all of us had no life outside office? Was it true? Nope. Half of us had BFs/ GFs, but all of us had deadlines. Now I wonder how the hell did we balance work and life back then, and how now we need classes, sessions to teach us the same? And how did we enjoy our work though no one based their life's on it? What changed since then?

So at the end of 1.3 yrs when I realized there is more to learn through experience than from education I gave up on my higher studies( completely?). I decided to move on to a different company without any second thoughts. One fine day I decided am done here. I did not care a bit about all those friends I made or did not worry that I was moving further away from my home town. Just on the instincts that I love change I made this decision. It was not a hard decision. My teammates thought money is the reason why am moving. But that WAS the case with my second jump but not the first.

And then priorities kept changing without me realizing them. But no regrets whatsoever. However to take a decision today, I really have to become a scientist to do so. Evaluate, analyze, think long-term, this, that. I have changed from a person who acts on her instincts to a person who needs a best algorithm to reach from point A to point B, corroborated by logic and facts. Everything that I do even mundane things like cooking, groceries, has to go through a calculation[ yeah I tried 4 ways of cooking plain rice and chose the best, on what parameters is yet another topic :-P ]

On introspecting, probably facts, data and LOGIC are the only things I have TRUST in. Do I at least trust myself enough?!  Or the people who really have trust in me? No...not again...not another loop of infinite thoughts. So I rest it here.

Happy 10th Work Anniversary to Me! Yay! [ Oh my God, does that make me old? :-P ]

Unfair

Here I am with around 10 years of experience, using a blogger to vent out my frustrations. I guess today's "Gen Y" janta would have twittered or facebooked or do they really have bothered about a thing in the world?

I see freshers today, and if I look back at myself when I was a fresher I see a hell lot of difference in attitude. We were so hard-working, willing to learn, explore, ambitious, and what not! Full of adrenaline to take on the world! But this person is so bindaas to say. Why? Cause nowadays its so easy to get a job? Just pass with minimum grades, and boom you are in a top MNC with a handsome package, which they have no clue of how to use or even spend. Or has the recruitment process gone so wrong that you see the college s/he comes from, hire these herd of sheeps blindly?

I think people should be tested for their focus, commitment and most importantly keeping their feathery brains in the job. For an example, I know a person to whom javascript is the only universal language, and all he is good at is patch work. If you ask him to put a teeny weeny logic(business use case) in there, boy this where his talent of escapism comes into picture. This person thinks he is so smart and that he is too good to be working on a technology of his current project. So why the hell are you here? Get lost and find a job that suits you. Why lurk around and be a burden to the rest? My question - how do these people even enjoy the salary that they get every month?

Especially this week, I have to juggle between a job, training, sick dog with almost everyday visits to Vet, and my so called personal life. When I look at these people who are supposed to be  "team members", who does not even care to attend a meeting, forget doing their job, it just feels so unfair. And I really hate them when they think everybody except them are fools, that they can lie and get away with anything. Seriously?

Well, what am I angry at? At myself? At this person? At the entire system? Or simply the irony of being the Gen X?

Loyalty

Every time I left a Company I felt like a cheat except once. When I left my first department in my current working organization. But do companies/ organizations really care about you? Are you really valued? Or do they really feel your loss - a big NO. Then why did I feel that I had let down someone?

There are people who recognize you for what you have done and reward you. There are people who do not notice you. In the later case you have nothing to think about than own self. In the former case they did it cause you performed. But what do you if someone has bet on you blindly? If someone did more than just recognize your work? Someone who really knows the weaker aspect of human beings and hit it - yes the personal touch, connecting, bonding blah blah :-P. Am not sure if one has God Fathers in their careers. Do they? Have not come across or heard of any such stories. If they did, would not their so called God Father be happy about a decision that is good for you?

Loyalty seems like a  such a big limitation in human life's especially when it comes to careers. Not leaving for better opportunities is a sign of loyalty or a career suicide? This is when I think I should work for my own organization and not for someone else where in you have all these question marks. And when will that happen? In dreams I suppose! Then why did I wake up now? Don't know again! Need another brain storming to know why this sudden adrenaline rush.

I cannot have the cake and eat it too. Got to make some tough decisions. Like always in two minds! And all the advise that I got is to let it pass. And wait. Be patient. Sleep over it.

Really? Sleep over it? Normally when I do this the end result is I totally drop off the idea in the first place. Only sleepless nights get me somewhere :-P.  May be all I need is one tight slap!

Gyan

Much needed gyan -

http://women.siliconindia.com/women-expert/Being-A-Women-eid-191.html

State Of Affairs

Looking back sometimes I think reading Ayn Rand is a mistake. I hated my work environment, second-handers, hypocrites around me. This created lot of stress in both my professional and personal life. It took me a long time to start ignoring stuff. 

But time and again these things get to my notice and I just have to vent it out. At office, I seriously do not understand how people survive. Seriously. Ideal office is where everyone works. Now it is so hard to see people who even respect their job, who even acknowledge they are being paid by the company and that they have an obligation to work for the company. Yet, few think that their job is surviving cause of them which in fact is the other way. They say work is only a part of life. Of course but isn't your job which is giving you the life that you have?

I really hate people who dodge from their work, who are insincere. And there is another category where in the  person does not have the very basic requirement that is needed to run their job. Say, being organized is an important requirement for a job like Admin assistant, and the irony is this person survives for exactly being so unorganized. How? It is a big question to me. Likewise I know of many positions at my office and I keep wondering how they survive. 

And well, flirting seems to be a good soft skill to acquire. Oh yes. Being blunt, open and honest is no good. You give a little importance to these people and they start to drool all over. May be this IS needed for them in order to survive. Survive their otherwise useless lives. 

How much people seek acceptance from others? Aren't families and friends in our lives not for this reason? Why romance with your acquaintances? And I am pretty sure that last thing on these people's mind is friendship. And all these people I am talking about are married men/ women. I really pity their spouses.

And why do I get to see all these? I don't know! And why do I get to hear all this? I don't know! All I can say is these people make it so obvious that it is next to impossible to not notice the state of affairs. And believe me it looks ugly.

Work Nuisance

I am brain dead. Totally drained of any enthusiasm or energy. I feel so demotivated at work. I lost focus. And don't know where I am lost. There were times when I hated my job, but right now I just have no energy to even hate my job. I need inspiration. I need a good pep talk. But to worsen the case I got feedback at work that I am not looking beyond my comfort zone. Yeah THAT is a joke! I am many things but not someone who rejoices in the comforts and let things flow.

Anyways, last evening I was early to my Aerobics class, well yes all that happened at office drove me there early. There was this dance class going on and I sneaked in to watch. The dance teacher was teaching the same steps over and over to these dumb girls who could not get the steps straight. But his expression and energy each time was the SAME. Same steps, same music, in the 5 mins that I spent he must have gone through the same step 5-7 times. But each time the music starts and he dances, he has the same joy, passion. No hints of any routine or boredom at all. And he keeps talking incessantly cracking jokes, making conversations with me and others who are not even part of his class. He is so live. Alive. He is enjoying his work so much. Even though it is so repetitive. Is that even possible in IT field? 

Guess my work lately has become so stupid that I lost focus. I can blame it on hundred other things. Guess I  need one tight slap to jolt back in action. Or may be not. May be its just am at the receding side of the bell curve. Patience! It will all pass and I will be back. Alive.