Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Confidentiality

How tough is it to keep a secret? OK, agreed. It  might be a little difficult if especially the secret is of a person who is your enemy or whom you don't bother about. But why do people make these mistakes of sharing secrets of their close confidants. Is Trust antique? Does this exist anymore? Are people to be trusted for their integrity?

Forget about secrets, even small details people have this urge to discuss, share, spread. Rumors. How much they enjoy spreading them. What is it that makes these people happy about doing this? I feel good about myself when I contain someones secret. I feel valued when someone confides in me, and I take it as an obligation to keep it with me forever. I see no joy in doing it otherwise. 

I really want to know what goes on in people's mind when they let out a secret. Are they trying to win a new friend by letting out another friend's secrets? Last time when I did that...was in my school days. It was to get back at one of my friends who became my enemy. Does this trick still work? Hurting someone by letting out their secrets? Have not people grown up? 

I really value silence. I really think not sharing is the best one can do to themselves. With time everything shall pass, and there really is no need to share a secret with anyone. Somehow being less open to people made my life peaceful. Even if I share I ensure that the person I share my secrets with, have no connection to my family, professional life or the rest of my friends. It was difficult to find these unique pearls, but am glad I did. People with character, integrity and most importantly respect for me.

A problem at work I share it with someone from my personal life who has no way to connect to my work life. Not now, not in future. A problem in personal life, I share it with some good old friend who cannot again connect back to my family or people close to me. I might be different to different people, but keeping my secrets is as important as to keeping my identity. My sanity.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Work In Progress - The Dawn

The Dawn, recently celebrated its silver jubilee as a successful news publishing company . At the function which involved many of the celebrities from Politics, Entertainment, Sports, announced its plan to expand concentrating mainly on South zone. As part of this initiative South Zonal office has been setup with James Edward leading the newspaper line. Jay Clement has been moved from Head-Quarters to assist James as the managing editor. Jay took it up the moment it was offered to him, more for the reasons that he wanted to move back close to home in south.

Two years since south zone has been setup and the sales have been going up for the last few quarters. Though the early days were a struggle for both Edward and Clement. Clement was the right-hand man to James, who took over most of the operational work and played a major part in setting up the unit and running it successfully. He did all this just because he was passionate about work will be a lie. Rumors are that he reaped good monetary benefits and stock options. But lately things have not been going well between the two. In-spite of all the hard-work that Clement and his team has put in to run the newspaper successfully in the south zone, James brought in a new Managing Editor. Not as a threat to Jay's job, but as any other Chief would do when the business is expanding. When Jay expressed the same concern with Edward, he was ridiculed. James said, "If I go by your theory, the CEO from the head quarters had to come down to run this  South Zone, not me". But for Clement there was a break of trust between James and him. He tried to accept the new managing editor Perry Thomas. He corrected his expectations. But the feeling of losing his position as the most reliable person for James always nagged him. To add to this Edward was directly making changes in his team, few times consulting him and most of the times without consulting him. Edward was also making decisions on what gets published and what does not. Jay felt less energetic each day. He felt he was no more important at office nor his decisions were respected.

It was an usual Monday morning. Diana's first day at "The Dawn". She likes changes. New beginnings. Every ending is a new beginning to her. Not that she isn't nostalgic. But she is a reformer at heart and she knows how to forget the bitter past and move on. At job, in life, in relationships. She knows how to mend a broken heart,  solve a tiff at work place or a difficult problem in life. She has seen life. Seen the worse. Seen the best. But all of it does not score against her feminine side. She cries like any other girl, rather more than any other girl. If there was a competition, she would definitely win. Nothing or no one can stop her tears, except her realization that its a waste of time and tears. And that realization often comes after she has spent good enough time wasting it. Of course, this new job is going to make her cry too.

She came in early to realize that only 30% of the staff was in office. She was asked to meet Sofia Keller, Jay's assistant. She was able to find her way to Sofia's desk. After womanly greetings and hugs, Sofia showed her desk, and took her around for a tour of the office. On their way Diana heard someone yelling. It was coming from one of the conference rooms. The door was half open. Diana could see from the corner of her eye...a bald short man standing next to the door, with his head down and peeping through the door to see if there is any audience for his embarrassment. She could not see who was yelling. Sofia said that it was so and so columnist swearing at his journalist regarding an article and that she is not to mind the entire fiasco they put up on a Monday morning.

"Umm. How is Jay? Is he also like that? Does he yell? Does he get angry?" asked worried Diana.

Sofia stopped for a second and turned back to face Diana who was following her to the pantry. "He is the ONE who you need not worry about. He is a darling! I have never seen him getting angry. You are lucky!", she said with a wink.

"Phew! That's a relief. My first worry at any job is my boss", said Diana with a sigh of relief.

"When does he come in? Can I meet him today?", inquired Diana.

Sofia looked at her watch and said, "well, he should be in any minute now. Sure, let me check his calendar. Usually no one has meetings on Mondays, unless you have ruined their weekend with a horrible article that got published", with raised eye brows which meant as a matter of fact.

"But you don't worry. Your boss knows how to ignore mistakes. You will never have worrisome Mondays", said Sofia clearing Diana's doubts. Ignore mistakes? Wow, is that good or bad? She does not like to work in an environment where in everything is grey. To her everything is either black or white. No in-betweens, she would honor choosing sides than playing a diplomat. She would prefer a blunt feedback to flattery. Even though it hurts her ans stings her more than she expected it to.

Sofia introduced Diana to few other staff members in the pantry. And all day long Diana kept listening to people's opinion of Jay. Everyone said that she is lucky to work with Jay Clement.

Diana and Sofia got back to their desks. Diana was setting up her desk when Jay walked in. He was fiddling with his PDA, probably checking the stocks that he invested in she thought. She stood up waiting to greet him. As he approached Diana said "Hi Jay. Good Morning!".

Jay looked up. After 2 seconds he realized who he was talking to. No smile. No expression. A blank face is what Diana got. He said, "Yeah hi. Diana right?". How can he forget her name? The one name which reminds him of the checkmate that he got. Now the name is a person. A face. A constant reminder in his work place. "Let's catch up later in the day", and he disappeared before those words could reach Diana's ears. She felt awkward. For some reason she thought its not the same person she met at the party two weeks back. Its not the same person, whom the rest of the staff has been singing praises. Is this their way of ragging a new joinee? Raising your expectations so high that you end up disappointed and let down to the depths of the earth and humiliation? Is this how new members are welcomed? In the next few months she learns that it is partly true. She was too new in the organization to be trusted and everyone played safe by being a hypocrite, except for Sofia. And of course Sofia was sucking up-to her boss and later Diana learns that she also has a crush on him.

She thought may be am overacting. May be am over-thinking. He might just be busy. Or his stupid stocks did not show him the right numbers. Or may be Monday morning blues. She thought he would be different when they meet later in the day. But that meeting never happened. Not for the next two weeks.

Jay kept ignoring her. He thought by ignoring her he can get back to James. As if not acknowledging Diana, he is in a way not acknowledging Edward's authority, intrusion. He knew that he was not thinking straight. He knew that Diana is the victim for no fault of hers. Yet he just could not get the courage to look past it and welcome Diana into the team. Every chance he got he denied her presence, in group meetings he acted as though she was invisible to him, only him knowing how much he felt her presence. There was no news segment assigned to Diana and she was getting restless day by day. Each day she used to come to office in a hope that Jay would finally find time for her and ask her to work on an assignment. But each day ended with nothing but frustration. One  such day she caught James Edward in the elevator on her way to the basement.

"Hey Diana, how are you doing?", James inquired as soon as he saw her in the elevator. That was James strength. Knowing people by their names no matter how small they were when compared to him. Having that personal relationship, adding more meaning to his relationships with his employees. She was very happy to know that at least someone, no, the big head was talking to her with such familiarity. 
She gave a wry smile and said,  "Doing good Edward. Nice to see you".

"So, how is the dawn treating you? Enjoying like I said you would?"
"To tell you the truth, The Dawn is treating me like I own it. No work assigned till date and yes enjoying my honeymoon period, which seem to last forever", she said sarcastically.
James smiled as if he exactly understood what was going on and said, "Let me know if you would be interested in Weekly Magazine. I can have you work with Perry Thomas."

Diana was hired by James to write on a weekly column on Corruption, which would run half of the Page 5 in The Dawn on Thursdays. It looked promising. She loves challenges and accepted the offer immediately, as she was looking for a firm which would let her publish with freedom with no bureaucracy. But Jay has not even spoken a word since she joined the dawn. On the other hand, an offer to run a weekly series in the magazine? She thought this would lead to her dream of publishing a novel someday. But she knew she wanted to work with Jay. She has been reading The Dawn for the last three months, especially her favorite Editor's Column by Jay Clement. And she had decided that she wants to work with Jay back then.

"Well, Jay seems to have something big planned for me, like you promised. And I read in one of his articles that patience is a nice virtue"
"Sure, my dear. That is why I hired you", James said with a smug, and patting her back, to say mean that he was proud of her.
They said goodbyes as the elevator halted.

On her way back home, Diana was hardly concentrating on the traffic. Surprisingly there was not much traffic and which allowed Diana to slip into her thoughts. She was thinking how Jay and James are different. How she felt so comfortable, respected and trusted with James, even with those fewer minutes she have had with him. How he could meet a person for few minutes and linger on their minds for days. On the other hand, Jay, makes himself so invisible that it is hard to register his presence, no matter how hard you try. How did she find his articles so captivating but not him. She could see that working with Jay was not going to be a smooth ride like the one she was having now on her way back to home. She could see it as a challenge. The biggest challenge. She thought if syncing of thoughts or ideals is so much important to work with a person? How could she not read the person behind those articles she has been reading for the past few months? Jay was totally opposite to what she had imagined of an author of those columns.

That ruined her day. She took a sudden turn and picked her mobile to dial a number. She had no plans to go back to home that day. She was going to meet her x-boy friend, a trustworthy friend of hers and spend the rest of the evening cribbing about her new job. Women. At the end of the day, they are no different! They all need a friendly shoulder to rest their head on, and Diana was no different.

[ To be Continued....?]

I have no idea what crap am writing about. I got 5 more pages written, but only by this third post I know what the title is going to be "The Dawn". It is fiction for sure, but what is the genre going to be? I don't know.  What is the theme?  I don't know. What is this about? I don't know. Is this how people write? But I do enjoy writing, even if it is crap.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Thank Heavens Am Still Human

There is this scene from the Movie "I, Robot". There is an accident and both the cars are drowning in the water. Each of the cars has one person alive. One has Will Smith, the officer and the other has a kid. And the Robot tries to save them from the accident. It calculates that Will Smith has more probability of surviving than the small girl and it saves him. And for the rest of his life he hates the robot. That girl was a kid of someone and even 0.009% of surviving chances means a lot to her parents, which a Robot cannot, and can never figure out no matter on what latest technology it is built on. No matter what fool-proof logic it applies.

From the movie I, Robot,

Susan Calvin: What happened to you?
Detective Del Spooner: Headed back to the station. Normal day, normal life. The driver of a semi fell asleep at the wheel. Average guy, wife and kids, working a double. *Not* the devil. The car he hit, the driver's name was Harold Lloyd. Like the film star, but no relation. He was killed instantly. But his twelve-year-old was sitting in the passenger's seat. Never really met her. Can't forget her face, though. Sarah.
[
fingering the necklace]
Detective Del Spooner: This was hers. She wanted to be a dentist. What the hell kind of twelve-year-old wants to be a dentist? Yeah, um... the truck smashed our cars together and pushed us into the river. You know, metal gets pretty pliable at those speeds. She's pinned, I'm pinned, the water's coming in. I'm a cop, so I know everybody's dead. Just a few minutes until we figure that out. NS4 was passing by and jumped in the river.
NS4 Robots: [
from flashback] You are in danger!
Detective Del Spooner: [
from flashback] Save her!
NS4 Robots: [
from flashback] You are in danger!
Detective Del Spooner: [
from flashback] Save her! Save the girl!
Detective Del Spooner: But it didn't. Saved me.
Susan Calvin: The robot's brain is a difference engine. It's reading vital signs. It must have done...
Detective Del Spooner: It did. I was the logical choice. It calculated that I had a 45% chance of survival. Sarah only had an 11% chance. That was somebody's baby. 11% is more than enough. A human being would've known that. Robots,
[
indicating his heart]
Detective Del Spooner: nothing here, just lights and clockwork. Go ahead, you trust 'em if you want to.


Why do I remember this now? I almost behaved like a Robot few weeks back. There was this mail at office saying one of the active CLT( Child NGO trust...) who met with an accident. These are the exact words from the email,

"I must point out that there is a good chance that she might not make it. If she does, we do not know in what condition."

Me being a pessimist, more to say logical and heartless at that time, evaluated if it was worth giving money to save her life or was the money worth spent on a child who has rest of the life to live? And thank god, my faith in life won over my logic. I finally did help this female and guess what. I got this mail today,

"All her organs are fine; breathing on her own. Vital Signs are good"

Is this feeling called divine? Feeling that your faith was higher than anything else? That your wishes for an unknown person have come true? Is this called a miracle? I would say the word gratitude is overrrated. It takes away the kindness in people. Till date I really did not know what went into my head that day inspite of all the logic that was screaming in my ears. Guess, this is called intuition.

God bless Sridevi! Hope you recover soon. Saving life's is best job one can do. I wish I had enough courage to be a Doctor. I wish am at least part of the organizations who save life's. Someday!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

How much I hate it when things do not turn the way I expected them to? Seriously I need to take few things lite in my life. Reason for starting a blog post that is titled with one of my favorite cakes, on a negative note...my trail of baking this cake at home did not turn out well. It came out ok, after so many trails and experiments with Micro Wave.

I tried baking using MW twice before. It either became too hard like a biscuit or it was not cooked inside. I googled and then found that baking with MW is not easy and many women had posted same problem. But someday I am going to nail this. I am still trying to analyze what went wrong. Was baking powder less? I added more butter? Or is the MW to be blamed? I will blame the MW cause I could bake excellent cake( of course last time sugar was less) without MW, using Mom's oven and it came out well. Soft, fluffy and tasty( I like it with less sugar).

Anyways am posting this recipe as there is absolutely no problem with the recipe though. It's almost same as the recipe that  I posted for Banana Cake. Here's the recipe.

For the topping

1. Tinned pineapple slices
2. 1/4 cup of sugar ( I used white sugar, but brown sugar is recommended)
3. Butter (as needed, I used 6 tbl spoons of butter )

For the Cake Batter

1. All purpose flour ( maida) - 2 cups
2. 3 eggs
3. 3/4 cup of sugar ( You can make it 1 cup or 1.25 if you like the cake to be too sweet)
4. 3/4 cup of butter
5. 1 tbl spoon of baking soda
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
6. 1 tbl spoon of baking powder
7. 1 tbl spoon of lemon juice
8. 2-3 tbl spoon of milk

Preperation

1. Mix all the ingredients for the batter in  a mixer. You could add essence or color to this if you wish.
2. For the topping mix butter and sugar and heat it on medium flame till it starts bubbling.
3. Grease the baking bowl( for MW you NEED to use baking bowls eg. Borosil) and pour the sugar syrup.
4. Place the pineapple slices.
5. Pour the batter into the bowl.
6. I used Auto Cook Menu A-12( Onida Convection MW ). Or you could bake it using Bake/ Keep Warm settings at 150 C for 30-40 mins. You can stop the MW anytime and see if the cake is baked.
7. Turn the baked cake upside down, add cherrys as shown in the image.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Work In Progress - The Dialogue

..."Aren't you Jay? The Managing Editor?". It was a new face. He always liked strangers than familiarities. Moreover it was a female, the weaker sex. He was more at ease now. 'The Managing Editor'...when was the last time someone reminded him of what position he holds in the industry? Jay...and a stranger calling him by his first name and who knows him already by name...yeah the first name, before even they had met? He stretched his hand forward for a handshake, nodding yes with a narrow smile and with a gesture which meant "And you are?". Before these words could make their way out of his snarly thoughts and reach his mouth, she said, "I am Diana...". Their hands met briefly for a quick handshake.

There are moments. Moments when things happen with the speed of time but moments in human minds which would take their own time. Which would run on their own time. Moments like these. When two strangers meet. Each trying to analyze and judge the other person. Logical mind pounding to frame the first impression of the person. As if making a first impression is as necessary as knowing the other person's name. Name is an external identity of a person, but our brains maps these names to the tags that our logic, experience has tagged them with.

To her, the first impressions were most of the times the last impressions. They hardly changed. Not that she was not willing to revise them, but people somehow remained same. Or may be she is good at guessing a person by their first meet. Little details of each person which are unique to them, made it easier for her to come up with tags...boring, fake, lazy, kind, mean, over-confident, difficult, hypocrite and so on. People got more tags added to them, but their first tags she gave them remained. Body language, dressing style, gestures, their choice of words, facial expressions, a handshake...people carry so much of their identity with them wherever they go whether or not they want to give it away.

He was dressed in pale colors, his shirt drooping from his shoulders. With a slight hunchback, to look shorter than he is. She thought he is diffident. She is right, he always underplays except for one, that is his age. She did not know his age, and guessed that he must be in his mid 40's. And she is right again, he makes every attempt to be older than he is, as though he is in a race for aging and he seem to have succeeded. His handshake. Her style is to give a  "Cold Fish" handshake and let the other person lead. It is her trick with strangers to know their personality. And to her surprise he gave it back to her....the cold fish!

Diana tagged him...Timid.

To him, his first impressions were always wrong. Those who he thought were his followers were the people who stabbed him in the back, those who he wanted to put his trust in, let him down. For each of these experiences he blames the people rather than his own judgement of them. And today he is a pessimist who can only look down on each of these mean little creatures on earth who look so small to him.

He realized that he was standing near the emergency exit that leads to the staircase. Diana has come from there. What was she doing there? He thought may be she was on a phone call...with her boy friend?. He dismissed this idea, thinking if she really did have a boy friend, he would be here in this party with her. He fancied with the idea that she is yet another dumb girl who could not find the way to elevator in that building and climbed up the stairs to this place. Or was she also like him, who steps back to watch the rest of the world play for him/her? Was she watching him all this while? How long was she there? His thoughts were interrupted by another voice, which he is so used to listening to everyday. Which he detests. And there was a shadow of frustration on his face, which Diana could see.

"There you are...Jay meet your new troupe member, Diana. She is joining us in two weeks", said James. What? A new member in his team? When did this happen? And without his knowledge? She is joining in two weeks time and he has no hint of it? When was James planning to break this news to him? On the day of her joining? Of course, James was the Chief of Editor, but am the one who is running the department, I need to know who am going to work with on day to day basis. What the hell does this 'silly stupid forthcoming girl' know about writing in the first place? Yes, that was his first judgement of Diana, which was mostly influenced by his anger, fury, frustration.

James took Diana away to introduce her to other people. And Jay stood there helpless. Powerless. After all the stranger turned out to be a mockery at his weakness. A smack on his ego. And so he made her the target of his indifference, reproach, and bitterness in the next couple of months...

[ To be continued...]

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Work In Progress - My First Fictional Character

There he is, standing at the corner of the room. Looking older than his age. His face feigning the battles he fought to be where he is today in his life. As though he has lived many lives in a single span of life time that is not seen the end yet. With shallow popping eyes, which hardly say anything. If at all they say, its worry that they speak. No one can figure what troubling thoughts made his hair salt-and-peppers. No one can call him their  friend. No one seems to have an opinion of him. How did he miss the sheer judgement of people around him? Or how did he become so invisible that people did not bother judging him?

He always finds himself a safe comfortable corner in any gathering where no one could bother him. What is he afraid of? People? Being a target? Or is he so busy with his own imaginary worries that he believes that people are better off without his company? Yet he is there. In that room filled with hundreds of people. Room filled with laughter, chatter, and most importantly boredom for him.

He skims across the room, searching for something but not sure of what it is. He searches each of those faces, few of those which he sees everyday, in speculation. He stood there, may be not to isolate himself. May be to see if someone from the crowd notices him. May be to know if someone out there is looking for him. And as if someone did read this in his searching eyes, he heard someone say "Hello..." behind his ears.

The voice startled him. It was someone's which he had never heard before. He was almost about to disregard the voice not believing that it was intended for him. But, he could see no one else with him in that corner of the room. Isn't that the reason why he chose to place himself there. But He felt someone standing right behind him. His curiosity told him to turn around. His caution told him to wait. This was not new to him...wavering. Between two minds. Between decisions. Between right and wrong. Between yes and no. 'May be' is his favorite phrase and 'Grey' is his favorite color.


It felt like ages for him before he could take an action. He always felt time was leaving him behind, and he found himself many a times running behind the mirage of time. In reality it was only a fraction of second but his mind aged him churning over his endless thoughts each day. And suddenly, in a jiff the voice turned out to be an image. A solid image standing right in front of him, waiting for his response.


THAT was their first meeting....[ To be continued...]

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Dilemma

How can you like and dislike the same person? Strange! Or am I confused? Fooled? This is happening to me again. Most of my best relationships have started on fights. Komal, my childhood best friend at the age of 10 yrs, was my enemy to start with. And today she is the first friend in my life that I remember. Shanti/ Sirisha, my college friends, I hated them initially. They were the people I dreaded to end up being friends with. 

But right now am going through a dilemma, I hate this person for her/ his morals, value system or whatever you call it. I do not like the way s/he behaves or thinks, like people who have given up in their lives. Who just want to blend in with something. Who constantly want to please the other person, even though they do not mean it. Who are basically questionable when it comes to trusting them. I like people who are bold, straight forward. Who are in other words 'what you see is what you get'.

Anyways, coming back to my dilemma, I don't know what I like in this person. The basic trait of pleasing everyone around is appealing to me? I don't think so. I can make out what is phony. Then am I hoping that deep down this person there is a kind, gentle, sympathetic, friendly heart that is true? But why? Is this what you attribute to astrology? :-P

My experience or history says am eventually going to ignore all these negativity and end up being friends with this person and repent later for my decision on compromising on my values. Nope, not again....Why the hell do I need to trust someone? You will know by the end of this post, why!

What do I like in this person:

1. Smile 
2. Soft, gentle nature [ Which is very dubious to me ]
3. Knows exactly how to please a person, any person for that matter. Which is a worthy talent
4. Knows exactly what is the other person's weakness. Ha ha ha, not figured mine yet

What do I don't like in this person:

1. Pushover personality, not energetic, chooses least resistant path
2. Selfish, who is not?!
3. Not truthful or honest
4. Unstable mentality
5. Looks down on women...there you go...yes the person in question is male :D
6. Favors mediocrity, I have no idea why?
7. Political mind


I better stop here, else the list of things I don't like will keep growing and THAT is not good for me. Yes, unfortunately not liking this person is not an option for me :'-(, the reason why I need to workaround this matter and clear the mess in my brain.


Monday, January 16, 2012

The Art Of Narrating

Have I not mentioned already on this blog, that my dream is to write a book? May be not. I am a true Sagittarius...secretive :D. Anyways, I have been reading so many books since my 5th grade??? Yet I did not concentrate on the narrating style of any of the authors I read. I was impressed by their choice of words or the way they could make the reader identify themselves with one of the characters. Narration is an art in itself.

I could write pages about myself or about someone or something. But I don't think I can narrate a story. I don't think I can write how a conversation between two people would be. This needs thinking like two different people. All am good at is thinking like a person...to be more honest, thinking like me or someone like me. That makes me a bad author I guess.

Case 1 - Narrating as I: In first person

Well I might be good at this. But then again, the character will have close resemblance to me. I am so self-centered and self-absorbed which is the worst quality of a writer I believe. I should start writing short fictional stories. Seriously. May be a good idea is to pick someone from the life around me, observe that person, think like that person and talk like that person. Do writers really do all this? Would not they loose their own identity over a period of time if they start thinking like others? Anyway, this must be the easiest form of narration if the character does not divulge too much from your own character?!!

Case 2 - Narrating as Her/ Him: In Second person

As long as you can understand someone, this should be easy. I really should try. Try telling a story as the other person does. From her/ his view.


Case 3 - Narrating as Multiple characters: Other form of case 1, but as different characters

This is the most difficult. To be in different minds. I like Jodi Picoult's novels in this regard. Her novels are split into chapters, each chapter narrated by different characters in the book. And its amazing how she describes those characters and their worlds. Each having tangential views. How does she do that?

Case 4 - Narrating as non-human beings...say dogs:

Well I read few novels where the narrators are non-humans. For eg., a dog. This is way too fictional and is far from reality. And I must suck at it. I have trouble accepting other human beings, forget about accepting a non-human and try to talk like it.

So well, there is my Problem Definition :D. Project Narration. Starting tomorrow, I should make efforts to talk, think and write like someone else. Let me see who that first character is going to be!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Language Is Overrated

One of my Facebook friends shared the link below on their wall. Love the story though not sure if it is fiction. Wonder how human beings in spite of all their evolution, civilization blah blah, they still cling on to dreams, hopes, fantasies and top of that imaginary language they use to communicate. So true, I feel the same with Leo. He communicates better than human beings do. He gets so close to each of us though he hardly uses any words. We humans have evolved so much that each of us know more than 3 languages and yet we fail miserably when it comes to reaching out to the other person's heart. Somehow the little gestures that matter have been forsaken which zap the magic in our lives.

Read on - Elizabeth & Paul


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Sizzle Dazzle Brownie @ CCD

I am not a fan of chocolate. I hate it except for Sizzle Dazzle Brownie at CCD. I get these sudden cravings once in a blue moon. Ah, talking about the cravings...apparently the weighing machine at the Gold's Gym was reading incorrectly and hence the increase in my weight in Dec. Last year December month had been terrific with parties every other day. They started on Dec 3rd and ended on Dec 31st. All that splurge and no exercise made me believe that I had put on a lot of weight. But the truth is I was happy and it made me feel full :D.

Anyways, that dumb machine psyched me up and I have been on strict diet since 3 weeks of aerobics. Only today I got to know that my weight is normal and guess what, the first thing I want to please my taste buds with is Sizzle Dazzle Brownie. Tomorrow my loan file is going to be cleared and am expecting to hear from the Bank that the loan is approved. Already declared to my teammates about the treat tomorrow.

All said and done, I think good food is important to keep your sanity. Keep you high. Keep you happy. Not my theory, but eating good always makes you happy, proven by science too. So eat good, and exercise good.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Coca Cola latest ad - "Believe in a Happier Tomorrow" - TVC

Love this ad which does not involve latest Bollywood hero/ heroin like Coca Cola's previous ads

Ummeed Waali Dhoop,
Sunshine Waali Aasha
Rone Ki Wajah Hai Kam,
Hansne Ke Bahane Jyada
Zidd Hai Muskuraayenge
Khush Rehne Ka Hai Waada

Umeed Wali Dhoop,
Sunshine Waali Asha
Tum Dil Se Agar Puchhoge
Woh Khush Rehna Hi Chahe
Jab Sache Mann Se Maango
Toh Khul Jaati Hai Raahein
Lyricspassion.blogspot.com
Toh Khul Ke Khusi Lutaao,
Ye Kya Aadha-Aadha
Umeedon Wali Dhoop,
Sunshine Wali Asha
Umeedon Wali Dhoop,
Sunshine Wali Asha




Found english version with lyrics,

I'm free to be whatever I
Whatever I choose
And I'll sing the blues if I want
I'm free to say whatever I
Whatever I like
If it's wrong or right it's alright
Always seems to me
You only see what people want you to see
How long's it gonna be
Before we get on the bus
And cause no fuss
Get a grip on yourself
It don't cost much
Free to be whatever you
Whatever you say
If it comes my way it's alright
You're free to be wherever you
Wherever you please
You can shoot the breeze if you wanted

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Wait - Get set go

Buhbye 2011, Welcome 2012

Been Happy


Year 2011. It indeed was a good year per se. I joined PDS, had a great accomplishments at career, got promoted, bought a flat. Well, why do I always talk first about work?! Well, that's the only thing which has never put me down, which never disappointed me. At personal front, still a single and I have no regrets about that. I have never been this happy before. I really am happy. Proof, I am 3 kgs over-weight. Never in my life did I exceed my ideal BMI index. I continued my aerobics classes. Started learning Japanese language. Personally I have grown so much this year. I have become so detached, independent. 

Wait, wait for the dawn my dear


Prior to this any small issue in profession or personal life, I had to call up someone and talk over it. Not just one call or one person. It went on till the problem got solved. Most of the times it was not even a problem. So, thanks to all those people who could bear listening to my gibber. So I learnt that all I had to do was just sleep over the matter. Talking or cribbing really never helped. It only augmented my anxiety. On the other side keeping calm did help me through the matters. I just had to wait and watch and things got resolved on their own or rather most of the times they needed no resolution at all. This is a great improvement in my personality. And this meant cutting off those people from my life whom I used to call up for each and every silly thing. I am not rude, am not an opportunist nor this means in-gratitude. It was good for me and for them.


Forget and Forgive

I had taken a major[really?] decision at the beginning of this year which needed lot of courage. And I could come through it. Initial few months were hell and man I can only thank you, GOD, Fate or whoever or whatever it is, for where I am. For giving me that courage to face the situation. 

I crib very less these days. I have a perfect schedule that keeps me busy, that keeps me energetic. I know how to keep me active, how to keep me happy. Sometimes I am so happy that I do not want anything to change. And that is when marriage topic scares the hell out of me. At this point I really am not sure if I really need someone to live with for a lifetime.


There is one person on this earth whom I can never ever forgive and nothing can change this. But surprisingly am able to forget and move on. I am not whiny anymore. I am not letting anyone take my precious time to make me feel sorry for myself or to get angry. I had a great birthday this time unlike last year. Life has always blessed me with good people around me. Touch wood.

Two Great Personalities I Got To Know

Charles Chaplin

Well, am still a movie buff. I was watching Iron Man series. Liked Robert Downye Jr. and started watching all his movies. One among those is "Chaplin" movie based on Charles Chaplin book "My Autobiography". Somehow, I missed all these geniuses before. Charles was such a versatile person who was into acting, music composing, directing, writing. He really was a genius. It is such a hard task to make people laugh. As a person he was flawed but he was great at what he did and what he gave to the world.

Steve Jobs

Yes, I still read books. I really hate biographies or non-fictions. I could not get myself to complete any non-fiction books. But wow. Kudos to Walter Isaacson. Biography of "Steve Jobs" is an awesome book and my second bible [ after Fountainhead]. And Steve is GOD. What I liked in both Charles or Steve is they loved their work more than anything else in the world. They lived on their success at work. It was the fuel that kept them going. They really were passionate people who stood up for what they saw the world as. Which is also a nature of mine and many think am a workaholic, that I take my job too seriously.

All in all thank you and goodbye 2011. Welcome 2012.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Steve Jobs

I think Steve Jobs is the first human being whom I adore, worship and whom I treat as a GOD. I wonder how all these days I thought he is just another college drop out with a lucky streak. Reading his Biography by Walter Isaacson and am obsessed with him these days.Sad that he is not alive anymore, otherwise my lifetime goal would have been to meet him someday.

Half way through the book and hats off to the author who could capture evolution of computers, graphics, who could make a biography so interesting for a fiction-lover like me. Steve Jobs is so real. Steve Jobs is GOD :-) Words fail to say all of what I want to say about him, hopefully by the end of the book I will be able to write a good blog on him? Would I?



Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Stuffed Aloo-Methi Paratha

Ingredients:


Aloo-Methi Stuffing
For Parathas
Wheat flour
Oil
 
For the stuffing
Boiled potatoes                             - 3
Fenugreek (Methi) leaves                - 1 set
Green Chillies, finely chopped           - 2
Chopped Onion                              - 1
Chilly powder                                - 1/4  teaspoon
Coriander leaves , finely choppes     - 1/2 set
Turmeric powder                           - 1/4 teaspoon
Salt to taste

Preparation
1. Prepare the paratha dough and keep it aside for 20-30 mins.
2. Heat 2 teaspoons of oil. Add green chillies and onion. Add a pinch of salt and turmeric powder to this and let it fry for 5 mins.
3. Add methi leaves chilli powder and let ti saute for 2 mins.
4. Mash the boiled potatoes, add the above mixture to this. You can add garama masala powder ( 1/2 teaspoon) if you wish. Add coriander leaves and salt per your taste.

Stuffed Aloo-Methi Paratha

5. Make lemon sized balls with the dough.
6. Roll these balls to a small sized chapathi. Make sure that the edges are thinner than the center. Place a small ball of the stuffing in the center. Bring the edges to the center to cover the stuffing.
7. Roll this to make a paratha.

8. Heat a pan and fry the paratha with oil at medium heat.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

TRUST - A Movie Review

Trust, movie by David Schwimmer. Yes all time top ten  TV Series FRIENDS actor, fondly known as Ross Geller. He is the director of this film and he has done a great job. I knew he is talented actor and he proved it as a director as well.

This movie is recommended for many teenagers who are so caught up with Internet chatting. I would say this movie is not only for a teenager but every girl who has been tricked and fooled. Whose trust has been abused. For every girl who trusts, believes in people thinking that the world is a better place. Who has been emotionally and/ or physically abused.

Annie is 14 yrs old. She is not a stupid foolish girl. She is smart, confident and courageous. She is good at what she does. It is shown many a times in the movie that she loves volleyball and that she is a star player, who is treated dependable by her coach. Yet like any other girl, she  has to face the crude reality of life. She is assaulted and exploited sexually by a stranger on the Internet.  For only sin that she committed. Yes sin of trusting. A guy she meets online in a chat room tricks her with manipulative talk and involves her in sex. She is raped. Yes even though it happens with her consent it is treated as a rape when Annie herself realizes that he used her to have sex with her.

This film talks about trust. Inevitability of not being able to protect your loved ones. The agony that parents go through when they have failed in keeping their children safe and protected. The angst, rage that a Father goes through against the one who has hurt his little  girl. About how to deal with the child who is hurt.  And most importantly about how to stop whining over what is not in our control and how to be there to pick our loved ones when they fall.

It takes a while for Annie to realize that she has been tricked. Eventually she accepts it and tries to cope with life, though she knows that her life has changed for ever and it is never going to be the same again. Facing her friends her college, her family members who are sympathetic to her which only makes it hard for her to forget what has happened to her.

My favorite scene is towards the end when Annie's father played by Clive Owen, break down saying that he has failed in protecting his child. He is constantly obsessed with finding the  accused, tracing him. He imagines/ dreams of killing him. He even starts chatting on chat rooms as a young girl to trace this guy. Film captures all these emotions so beautifully. Clive Owen has done justice to his role as a protective father. Great performance by Liana Liberato( Annie ) and him.

This film does not offer justice to the damaged life's/ family. This does not give the vengeance that is deserved by the victims. It actually ends with a scene where in the pedophile is shown as a happily married, having and kid, yeah being a father himself. That's life. That is merciless world.

Pros: Direction by David Schwimmer, Performances by Clive Owen and Liana Liberato.
Cons: None I could think of

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Learning

Hiragana 
I was fascinated by french sometime back. Today, it is Japanese. I have a colleague at work ( Business Analyst - Shin Ohkura ), who is Japanese. I am very impressed by his working style. That added to the Anime( Japanese) movies that am watching lately got me interested in Japanese Culture. I have ordered few classic Japanese novels ( translated to English) which are yet to arrive.

Learning the language itself stems from watching this movie - "5 Centimeters Per Second". Such a brilliant movie. So poetical. So real. Reading English subtitles I wanted to know what those mean in Japanese. In the native language. So I started learning Japanese. I wanted to pursue this as a serious avocation. I tried to contact few schools in Bangalore. But to no avail.

So I started learning it online. I have finished learning Hiragana, Katakana Alphabet. I easily can write a spoken word in Japanese using these Alphabet. I can also read a word that is written with this alphabet. Yet to learn Kanji which seems difficult at this moment. I felt the same looking at Hiragana 2 days back.

Katakana 
Learning is something I enjoy very much. I love to learn new things. Just that it has to catch my interest. Not sure if this exercise of learning Japanese is also going to go down the hill like French. Hope not.

I was searching for desktop or online tools to practice more of what I learnt. Then I landed on this site LiveMocha.com. They link you with another person who knows the language that you are learning so that you both can converse and know the culture/ language.

So while I was browsing this website I see a pop up. A chat window from a total stranger on this site. It seems he is an Indian living in UAE and who is seeking friends. Friends on a language learning website? I am amazed at how guys try calculate your age by asking indirect questions :-P. Like, when did you complete your studies. Their rough estimate of graduation is 21 years. So if you say 2008 today, then you are 24 now. This guy asks me since when I am in Bangalore. And he was surprised or rather disappointed to know that am in Bangalore since 5 yrs. Not sure what his calculations told him. But his immediate next question was if I am married. I enjoy bashing these strangers online when they ask me such questions. How desperate men are! But well, I had registered with my original name and I was afraid to bash him ruthlessly. So I politely denied his so-called friendship request and escaped from this site.

But whole of this exercise of trying to learn something new, taking tests, writing down the alphabet which is the first thing I do as soon as I wake up in the morning, a guy hitting on you...makes me feel like a student all over again. I must admit it makes me feel young. Not young in terms of age, but young in terms of lightening up my heavy heart :-(. I love learning. Cause I am good at it. And when I evaluate myself at the end of each learning I feel good. The sense of accomplishment feels great. No wonder I loved being a student. No wonder why I was so happy in my college days.

Friday, June 24, 2011

My Recipe for Banana Cake

My whimsies continue...

I used to hate bananas. Until recently. Reason, my late night meetings which used to end at 12:30 in the midnight or 1 in the morning. After my meetings I used to feel damn hungry. Banana was the only food available at that time for me. So I thought of Banana cake. This has been my favorite since a long time. Since my Oracle days. The best banana cake I have ever eaten is from ICRISAT, Hyderabad.

Though I planned to cook Banana cake over the weekend, I could not wait till the weekend. Well, Friday evening, it IS a weekend. So here's my recipe for Banana cake.


Ingredients:

1. 2 Cups of All-purpose flour ( Maida)
2. 3/4 or 1 Cup of Sugar ( I don't like it if it is too sweet. Otherwise you can use 1 cup of Sugar )
3. 3/4 cup of Butter/ Ghee
4. 2 Egss
5. 2 ripe Bananas
6. 2 tbsp milk
7. 2 tbsp lemon juice
8.1 tbsp Baking Powder
9. 1 tbsp Baking Soda
10. Cinnamon or Ilaichi Powder for taste

Preparation:

 Mix ghee/ butter with Sugar. Add eggs to this and mix thoroughly. You can use a mixer for this purpose. Add milk, lemon juice to this. Add mashed bananas. Add baking powder, baking soda, and flour and stir well.

Once the mix is ready, apply butter to the pan and spread this mix in the pan evenly. Bake this using oven. It takes 45 mins for the cake to bake. So simple isn't it?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My Recipe for Mixed Vegetable Soup

Whimsical Me! I wanted to prepare two things today. One Banana Cake. Two a hot simmering yummy soup. I realized I do not have all the ingredients to prepare Banana cake. So I settled for Soup. Bangalore climate this afternoon suited perfectly for a hot cup of soup.

Anyways my recipe for Home Made Mixed Vegetable Soup.

Ingredients:

1. Potatoes (2)
2. Tomato (1)
3. Beans (6)
4. Onion (1)
5. Coriander leaves ( for garnishing )
6. Carrot (1)
7. Sweet Corn ( As you desire )
8. Cauliflower or Cabbage Leaves ( As you desire )
9. Ginger-Garlic paste ( 1 tbsp)
10. Garam Masala ( 1/2 tbsp )
11. Pepper Powder ( 1/4 tbsp )
12. Salt to Taste
13. Olive oil ( 2 tbsp )

Preparation:

1. Cut Potatoes, beans, carrot and tomato into two sets. One to boil which can be 1 inch pieces. Rest of them finely chopped.
2. Boil the big pieces with enough water. I used pressure cooker.
3. Peel off tomato skin. Grind all these boiled vegetables. Due to potato this gives a thick paste which we are going to use as stock for the soup.
4. Cut onions. Whichever shape or size you desire. Long, thin pieces or 1 cm square shaped small pieces.
5. Heat Olive oil. Saute the chopped onions in this oil.
6. Add ginger-garlic paste and let it fry till its raw smell is gone.
7. Add rest of the finely chopped vegetables and let them fry for few mins
8. Now add the grounded paste to this and 4 cups of water to this.
9. Add salt, garam masala.
10. For those who like it to be spicy add Pepper powder.
11. Let it boil for 5-10 mins till the vegetables are cooked enough.
12. Finally add coriander leaves and the soup is ready :-)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Alternate Life

When does your life start to split? You are an ambitious happy go-lucky person who is very enthusiastic about what life brings, and who is so optimistic and full of zest, who is very daring to dream. Who has so many plans of what to do, how to do, where to go, what to be etc. And suddenly you are this "I figured it all" person who seem to have understood life as in a complex system with boundaries. Who is calculative or pessimistic about every approach that you take. Who, to say, is just going with life. When does this happen? Or how does this happen? When do you start having two life's? After your college, when you have lost touch with those childhood/ college friends? After your first major trauma? After your first heartbreak? Once you start working?

Do you leave behind the life that you dreamt of and go on with the new life that you are obliged to live? Or do you have two separate life's one which is expected of you and one which you struggle to maintain in order to keep your sanity? No I am not talking about multiple personalities that people have with different people.

For some routine life of work, family, friends is life. Probably is the only life. For some their work like art, music, or any other profession which they  love and cherish is their life. Lucky ones. For some, there are two different life's. A secret life. Like an anonymous blogger, dance which they practice taking  time out of their routine life, writing, reading. For some this alternate life is also a life with a different set of people. Different set of friends.

To me this happened when I faced a family crisis for the first time in my life. Being an elder child whole responsibility was on me. That changed my life. That was when the split happened. I was no more cheerful, careless girl. I began to worry. I began to depend on people a lot. This took me away for a while from a life that I dreamt of. A life with no obligations, a life that is perfectly in my control. Life that involved art, travel, fun, friends, and writing. Even today to the people at my work, to my family am a successful woman who has come far. I am good or rather great at my routine job as a programmer having a steady successful promising career.

But this is not the life I dreamt of. I always wanted to be a student. A researcher. To study. To read. To know. I love reading. All this reading only made me more philosophical and pessimistic in my routine life. However, in my alternate life I still dream of impossibilities. I still believe that someday some miracle might happen and that I will find absolute bliss in what I am doing. My job as a programmer does make me high at times, but not always, because the kind of work that I get is decided by someone else. So in my alternate life I want to have a hobby or something to do which is totally under my control. Which I love doing. Which defines me. Which makes me feel the power of having your life under control. Which gives me hope. I tried blogging. I tried dance. I tried learning foreign language. I tried Photography. But I am unable to continue any of them. Not because I cannot take out time from my routine life. Not that I lack any inspiration or motivation. Books I read, movies I watch constantly motivate me. And I do have the fortitude to break free from the rut of routine. I do have friends or acquaintances who have these alternate life's where in they pursue their interests. Am glad to know their alternate life's. But I do not know what I miss.
May be someone who could appreciate all this? But isn't the point of having an alternate life is to keep you and only you happy. Is it not something that do only for you. Then what am I missing? Look at me, I have started this blog in 2003 and number of posts has not even hit 100. I understand that it is not about the numbers. But why do I loose track. Can I ever find a passion to life for?

Movies that inspire me, 


Books that inspire me,

   

People whom I know personally who are successful in pursuing their dreams,


I will keep updating the above lists. I am sure they would keep growing.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Where do you put your trust?

For human beings Trust, Faith or Hope are essentials like air,water and earth. Life is such a complex thing, that we often face difficult situations. Situations might merely be difficult just because that is the first time you are facing it. So we fight, we struggle, we fail or we might succeed. All through this, what is the faith or belief that makes you fight for it? Whom or what do you trust in?

People. Do you go to your best friend? A family member? Or an expert in dealing with difficult situations? If your answer is yes, is your life not a result of the opinions of these people? Of what they think is success or failure? Is not your existence entirely dependent on these people? Can these people be really trusted? What happens when these people are no more in your life? Haven't we built a mental prison for ourselves in doing so?

Abilities. Would your abilities help you always? With your abilities you sure can control the damage but can you control what happens to you? Aren't most of the tough phases in life, which happen to us, are beyond our control. Take the biggest misfortunes like an accident, natural calamities to trivial day-to-day drama where you had been setup by evilness around. Is it lack of skills to overcome such situations or it's just a limitation that has let us down? No one is skilled to deal with more than what life has to offer him.

You.I believe only one person who totally understands you, who can think of nothing else but your good, and who will always be with you in the entire journey, and who would never give up on you, is only YOU. But isn't LIFE bigger than YOU, that putting all your trust in oneself, believing in oneself is not enough? Is this when you put your trust in the Almighty, a force which you believe is bigger than you,  that invisible force above all, called GOD?

God. If GOD is the answer, then how many of us have never failed? How many of us have a LIFE that is nothing but heaven? If the answer is not GOD, then where do you put your trust?
 

Dealing With Difficult People

I found this article on Financial Express News Paper dated May 2, 2011, Bangalore Edition. Author is Shweta Handa Gupta.

"In the school of life, difficult people are the faculty, They teach us our most important lessons, the lessons that we would be most unlikely to learn on our own"  - Mark I Rosen.

Difficult people are everywhere. At job, in personal life, at home. All around us. And this is the toughest challenge to face, if you are a person of mettle, character and who is not a second-hander [ Ayn Rand's definition of a second-hander ]. Dealing with such people is an emotionally draining process. I prefer to avoid such people and stay miles away from them. But many a times it just inevitable. This article explains on how to deal with such inevitability my seeing things through the other person's perspective, by not loosing your sanity and choosing your responses.

She goes on to explain how to try and understand the situation the Other person is put in, and why s/he is behaving in so-and-so manner. Each person's issue is a real problem to them. Like you, everyone has their own set of issues. In this light, do not be biased, and frame a negative opinion on the Other person based on a trivial negative trait about the Other person which is not of your liking. Trying to change the Other person is a dead end which will only result in aggravating the situation. 

Coming to One Self, there are people with whom you just do not get along, for many reasons. And if you are a person who does not want to be treated as a doormat, yet not get involved with these cheap tricks that others play on you, you may want to choose your responses. You may want to question yourself before you react.
  • Am I taking personally something that is not specifically directed at me?
  • Am I just trying to win the argument/ prove myself right? What do I gain out of winning this argument?
  • Is it my rational brain or my ego that is driving me to this response? Will I actually feel satisfied if I win this fight?
  • Will I be happy with my behavior at the end of this? Is this bringing out the worst in me and making me difficult to deal with too?
  • Is this person always as negative as I believe him/ her to be? Can I think of some examples when this person has behaved differently from my negative perception?
  • What do I feel when I think about this person? How do I behave when I am feeling this way? If I could let go of my negative emotions towards this person  how would I feel and behave? 
Article ends by quoting Einstein - "insanity is doing same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Si, if we want different outcomes to our interactions with different people, we need to focus on changing our responses and try to establish healthier patterns,




Trust

I have major trust issues. I cannot trust in people, situations or my fate. When it comes to trusting people, I do not trust anyone in my family. I do not believe that they will stand by me, for me, or that they will catch me if I fall. Not because they do not intend to, but to them am the supporter. It's the other way, they expect be to be there for them. Friends, well I do trust them, but unfortunately, time and again, all those whom I trust in, are lost, by distance. By my bad fate yet again. So that makes me one sad loner [ like that a$$hole said]? According to dictionary Loner is someone who avoids the company of other people, so that's not me. 

Colleagues at work? No way. I do not trust anyone. Not even my manager. No body. So my Bigboss promised me a promotion so that I will join his team. But I did not trust in him. He said I can change my projects as per my wish, that too I did not trust. But guess what, he has gone out of his way to get things done for me. Just because he gave me a promise. How many people do that these days? Of course I deserve everything that he has done for me, but still how many would fight with people, make few enemies, just to honor talent? Sincerity? and passion to work? I was so surprised to see that he kept his words. I was a bit embarrassed not to have put trust in him and for worrying. Work wise, Sharad[Manager] and Imran[Teammate & Senior] was one team where in I need not have to worry a bit about politics. Life was so peaceful in DCBU. Damn peaceful.

And given any difficult situation in life where patience is the only answer, I have a huge problem in having faith that things are going to be OK. No matter how many people tell me that it is going to be OK, I cannot sleep till the time when things are resolved. I do not remember if I was like this always, or sometime down the line I changed, that I lost faith. I have gone through so much in life. Yet I am here, successful, independent, then why the hell cannot I trust in my fate? Of course at relationships or people I have failed miserably. But can that decide the rest of my life?


Why can't I be positive? Why can't I just TRUST? Why am I skeptical or pessimistic about life? Why don't I have a positive outlook on life? I am being overprotective of myself? Can I blame people in my life so far who made me so negative in my outlook? 


I have DECIDED to be positive. And just TRUST in the best. Let me see if all my fears are real, if all my worries are worthy. Wish me good luck.




Monday, April 25, 2011

Girl from Jammu

Well, there is new girl in my Aerobics batch. She is newlywed Jammu girl. Just 2 months into marriage. She is so animated while talking as if she is so amazed at the world around. As though she is marveling everything in her life. I like the couple. He comes to pick her up after the classes and I really like the couple. He seems to be a doting husband. I don't know if all the happiness [?] around them is because they are newlyweds.

Girl looks like a doll. Very pretty, bubbly, cheerful and friendly. Everyone would fall in love with her. Her brains, I do not know. Her attitude, outlook and behavior impressed me. I speak to the girl almost every day and heard about marriage from her. Just 2 months into marriage, but she talks as though she has figured it all about marriage. I am pretty sure she is much younger to me, but somehow the way she talks about marriage surprised me. How could she be so sure about her life? 

She does not look like those pretty dolls with no brains, or no understanding of life. She seems to be someone who has come to terms with life and understood life. That is what I like about her. She seems to have known life. People like her make me hopeful about life, and about marriage. 

Women ARE better than Men in many ways. It's just that they do not know how to express, how to come forward. I am surprised at the way each of these women want to add more to their life's than just being a housewife or a mother. All of these people love oneself more than they love others.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Life Full Of Nothing

"The Secret In Their Eyes" is a Spanish movie and how did I end up watching this with subtitles? Well, I do not know how I land on these remarkable movies. Kudos to all the time that is spent on the internet. This movie is so poetic, touching, thought provoking, I only could imagine what emotions  movie could have stirred up, if I had known Spanish language. May be that is why they say language is not a barrier for a perfect art. Performances are brilliant that many a times I did not have to read the subtitles. I could read their eyes and know what they are trying to say!

Basic theme of this movie is passion. Everyone has a passion, that makes them live their life to the full, to the end. Passion is what keeps each of us going on. And this movie is a direct   question in the face, to those who lead their life's without any passion, as invalids. How do people live empty life's?

"A guy can change anything. His face, his home, his family, his girlfriend, his religion,his God. But there's one thing he can't change. He can't change his passion"

Movie starts with Benjamin Esposito, retired from Criminal Court, working on his novel. His novel is a fiction based on his own life, and one murder case that he solved during his tenure, but to which he could not provide justice. Reason? Office politics. And this constantly troubles him all his life. For the purpose of his novel, he revisits the case and tries to trace the murderer and the husband of the deceased. He believes that doing so, will make him be at peace with himself.  Movies goes back and forth in time, with flashbacks of his job at the Court, working with his friend Pablo Sandoval and lady boss Irene.

"How do you live a life full of nothing?"

Irene and Benjamin share the strange relationship of unspoken fondness for each other. In-spite of their mutual likeness, their relationship ends when Irene gets married to a man from her class/ status. He does not express his feelings for her openly, knowing that he can never match her social status. But in the novel he does.

Pablo the alter-ego of Benjamin, an alcoholic, plays a crucial part with the twists in the story. He adds the humor to the movie. This is an important character in the movie and you would know why only after watching the movie.

"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future."

Ricardo Morales, is the widower. He actively follows up on the case, to see that the murderer is punished. His love for his wife is true love. He visit train station everyday hoping that someday he would face the murderer. His pain and suffering is depicted poignantly. He says to Benjamin that killing the murderer is not the punishment, but having him live his entire life in a confined cell, with no hope than to wait for his death, living an empty life, is the best punishment that he deserves. But when the case is closed, he disappears from the city as if he had come to terms with the injustice.

Can Benjamin, after 25 years, find peace? Will his relationship with Irene ever blossom, in his novel and in his life? Are all the sacrifices done by him and people around him worthy of life? Does Ricardo get justice? Or the justice is already done? What is the passion that drives each of these four important characters of the story?

It's a classic movie based on love, crime, life. The ending of the movie plays a lot on your mind, and you just keep staring at the screen, contemplating everything that has been narrated so far and all you can do is nothing but marvel at it. It is true that all through the movie you feel disgust towards the murderer for brutal rape and murder of an innocent girl. But by the ending I bet if you do not feel sorry or pity for the murderer in the story.

It is a must watch.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Hours of Our Lifes

What is Life made of? Meaningless routines? Regrets? Happiness? Quietness? Peace? Movie "The Hours" is based on life's of three women of three different generations. All they have in common is despair. Hopelessness. Desperate need to find a meaning to their life's and hence happiness. Novel "Mrs Dalloway" connects all these three women. One woman an author,  one woman who reads this novel and reflects on her own way of living, one woman who is actually living the novel.

Virginia Wolf is the author of the book "Mrs Dalloway" who is suffering from depression, hallucinations. She has failed twice with her suicide attempts. She is advised by doctors to stay in a serene, quite place Richmond away from London. Which to her is death. She prefers violent jolt of city life to eerie suburbs. She has a loving husband who is constantly threatened by her suicidal tendency. To her sister Nessa, Virginia's life seems perfect and thinks Virginia is very fortunate to live two life's. One that Virginia is leading and the book that she is writing. Virginia believes that there is certainty in death. Death is the only possible escape for her. This reflects so much in her novel where she is trying to kill one of the characters. When her husband questions why someone has to die, she says "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast"

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard."

Laura Brown is a pregnant housewife with a doting husband and a kid. She thinks she has lost her own life in being a wife, a mother. She is very unfulfilled and struggles to cope with a life that is ordained on her. A life without choices. She makes every effort to fit in, yet she is so unhappy and depressed. All this lead to thoughts of killing herself. What happens to her? Does she kill herself? Does she go back to her family and continue to live a life that does not define her? Or does she make a choice after all which she may or may not regret?

"It would be wonderful to say you regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? "

Clarissa Vaughan is the one who is living the novel Mrs Dalloway. A modern-day woman living with her gay partner. Who reassures herself that her life is not trivial by throwing parties and trying to be a good hostess. This is a meaningless routine that she builds to make her otherwise meaningless life worthy. She has an adopted girl child, a good career, a loving partner. But she cannot get over her young love Richard. Richard is an award winning poet, gay, and is suffering from AIDS. Richard and Clarissa share a beautiful relationship. Clarissa regrets her decision of losing her true love, soul-mate, friend Richard. She feels insignificant without Richard.

"Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't  go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have  been happier than we have been"

All of these woman have someone who loves them, who have something to carry on their life's with. But life is not about the hours that we live isn't it? It is not those meaningless hours that you spend on routines, years that you spend on trying to hold on a thing which is not you. Life is not the choices we made or not made. Life is about moments. Right there. Right then.

"I remember one morning getting up at  dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And  I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness.  This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It  never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was  the moment. Right then."
This movie may not be a perfect drama, may not help you in finding a meaning to life. May not give you a perspective. But it shows life as is and the rest is left to viewer's interpretations. Most of the movie is up for  your own perspective. This is not a sad story either. There are lot of positive messages through out the movie.


"To look life in the face, always,  to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know  it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always  the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the  hours."

I love the movie for the direction, and brilliant performances by Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julian Moore. Awards that they got for this movie are well deserved.