A Woman's Best Friend

Definitely not Diamonds.

Disclaimer: This post should be tagged with "Sappy", "Girly", "Senti"

I am a person who trusts no one. I always am cautious, cagey. Why? May be bitter experiences I guess. Said that,  I have never really opened up to anyone so much since...couple of years. All I have been doing is listening to people. Some of their problems were my problems too, but I never shared them. I only silently solaced in the joy that I am not alone. But the power of not sharing your other side gives you so much strength, and I wonder how. May be sharing with others, especially sharing your problems or worries, makes you weak. Weak, when you are openly admitting out loud to someone. And there creating a dependency on this person to share. Whether or not they solve your problems you still want to share even the silliest worry that is eating you up.

But on the contrary, not sharing and trying to deal with it just in your mind, somehow, I don't know[ may be have to read some psychology books :-P], makes you stronger. In a way it makes you live in denial that those problems don't exists in the first place. And every problem when given time, resolves on its own. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING that TIME cannot solve. Sleeping over issues has really made a big difference in my life.

All said and done, I really miss MOM. I am talking so much to my MOM these days, and I know that she was always there, and is there. But only now I realize that she is my Best Friend. I have discussed everything with her. From my job to broken nails. And it really never mattered if she understood the subject that am talking about. Probably only person whom you can completely trust with. Only person who can never think of harming you or mistreating you or misusing your secrets. And most importantly who never judges you. And who would patiently listen when you go on and on and on about some silly thing which probably would not matter the next day.

If your absence doesn't make any difference, your presence won't either.

Mom,  I am missing you badly. Your absence is really showing me the big gap in my life right now. I did acknowledge your importance many a times, but no records can match your love. 

PS: Change cause of marriage - missed both Mothers Day & Father Day this year.

Satyamev Jayate

All the TV series that I watch are taking a summer break. And Movies - waiting desperately for upcoming releases in June and July( Spiderman, Dark Knight, Brave and so on). And may be that is why I landed on this show - Satyamev Jayate. I always loved controversies, debates, arguments, discussions. And watching them without you having to get into trouble of making a comment? A delicious piece of cake.

I initially thought it is going to be another money making sentimental emotional fools show. First episode on female foeticide did not impress me much. But the next two on "Child Sex Abuse" and "Big Fat Indian  Wedding" were just amazing. Watched 4 episodes till now and am already addicted to this. 

Surprising to know that there is no law that can punish Child Sex Abuse till date in India. I do not know if I should be proud that our country did not face these cases till lately or that it assumed that there would never be such a situation. Guess this is how parents think. That all those horrible things happen to someone else. Even when they hear of such cases they always assume that the victim will be someone else. That is a parents heart, which cannot even bear to think of such atrocities happening to their kids. And that exactly must be these pedophiles strength. It was interesting to know these pedophiles psychology from Dr Mytra. And  I really liked his words, which I do want to mention here - "Respect Behavior". Respecting elders, respecting some one for their age is an old school. Respect is something that should be earned. Not ordered or demanded. So teach the kids to respect a person for their behavior and not just because they are older than you.

Indian weddings. I have posted enough on these already on this blog. And like I said in my very old post Indian wedding is nothing but a big fool's game where always the looser is the father of a daughter. And I really like the way how these things are changing with time. Late but not never. I guess these days, fathers of daughters are the proudest and happiest. Everyone these days want a daughter instead of a son. But somewhere in some corners people might still belong to a generation where females( daughters-in-law) are still treated as slaves, servants. Seriously, it is funny( am not sure if this sentence is correct! Seriously funny!). Buying a guy with dowry, like you buy stuff from a mall? Wow! Stats that were shown indicated that this is very prominent in South India and yes it is true. I know how people spend crores on marriages, crores in dowry. One thing I hate in South. There was a joke on the show. Guy from North-East was worried, that if he may not be able to watch cricket on the TV sponsored by Girl's parents, cause she might say it is mine, my Dad bought it. And there are these filthy rich people for whom dowry is a question of pride. Is that even called a marriage? Would the guy or his family have any respect if they base the marriage on dowry? I think this might be the reason for female foeticide. But the data for foeticide indicated less numbers in South India but more in North. So what could be the reason for foeticide?

My Marriage Myths( Post-Marriage Checklist)

Well. Almost 2 months into my marriage and I needed a reality check. Check what my assumptions about marriage were and what they are now. Why I am doing this? Cause questions like "How is marriage life?" really worries me. I felt like I was asked to answer a question that is out of syllabus. As if I was supposed to worry about marriage life and treat it as a concern.


1. You - One thing I learnt the hard way is to never lose your individuality. Nobody is worth sacrificing yourself. This was one place where my fictional world could not influence me. All those romantic novels or movies that I read/ saw too taught me that at the end, only if you could be happy, you can make others happy. You CANNOT make someone else happy by sacrificing your own happiness or your own self. If you are in a relationship where your partner cannot see your happiness as his/ hers then you sure are in an abusive relationship. If someone wants you to be sad, suffering and depending on them and calls its love, its time you call it quits. It is indeed very difficult to find a person who can accept you as is, but if someone can be with you in spite of all  your idiosyncrasies then you better change for good for this soul which is hard to find.

So. Marriage is not something where one person controls and the other obeys. Many ask me who listens to whom and I have seen people asking these questions to other married couples. Practically, I don't think anybody can control anyone. Marriage works on compromises. But not so many compromises that you forget who you are/ what you are in the first place.

2.Routines - Well,  I do not know who said routine is boring. But the comfort of doing the known is so relaxing. And every person builds their routines. Even the most spontaneous person should have some routine that s/he basks in. Few call these habits. Few call these addictions. I am not talking about addictions like smoking/ drinking which ARE bad whether or not you are married. Marriage does affect these. No matter how much you want to continue them.  And I guess most of the people get disappointed by marriage in this case. This is where they say I am losing freedom after marriage and that life has changed so drastically after marriage. May be that's an exaggeration, but I totally get them :-). These habits, routines, have been the Nirvana so far :-P and now suddenly it has to drop off. You might feel that you are losing control on your life. Especially for control freaks like me! ( which I have become in the last few years)

My routines - Walks. Movies. Books. TV Series. Working Out. Thankfully I can still enjoy most of these. Except for reading books. The more time we spend apart the more I can continue with this routine of mine. Which is sad. But I am happy that something or someone can fill in one of these routines. No regrets there. But may be if I start losing all of these, then I might feel the same too. Panic.

3. Friends - I hated most, no all of my friends once they got married. I am the last one to get married in my group and I really really hated them. Why? Cause they never had time for me once they got married. Somehow all that care/ attention/ interest/ curiosity about me or my life, that they had vanished once they got married. Even my closest friends. One whom I thought would not change in this aspect after marriage. But little did I know her plight.

And I really hated to listen either. I really hated when people used to talk about their marriage. As if only thing that mattered in their life's was marriage. Now I understand that they did not  ignore you, but they really had little time for themselves that they can afford spending it on YOU. And why they talk so much about marriage to you - cause you don't know anything about marriage and most of the times when people talk, all they need is an ear, not judgments, not opinions and not advises.

I jump into misunderstandings so soon. I must be a selfish person at times to have thought these people do not care about me anymore. And am really thankful to all my friends who in spite of demanding life's that they already had, could check on me once in a while.

4. Work/ Career -Hmm. I really get edgy when this topic comes to me. Does marriage affect this? Especially in case of women? Can you have exactly equal priority for your family and work? I don't think so. Why do women actually work? For financial independence? For time pass? For supporting their families? If they are well of, India based then do these women really care about their jobs? On a different note, can a guy like a women for just being the best house-wife? Best daughter-in-law. Best mother? Does he really care for what she can be or what she is? Does he think that she can have her life too? I don't think men have that big a heart. Do they? I cannot understand if it is men or these women who choose these life's. Life of a house wife. I do not know whom to be blamed. Or may be I really do not understand what it is to be a house wife in spite of knowing how tough a job it is. I personally think everyone should have a life. That defines them individually, not as someone's something or not as part of something. Stand alone. On their own.

5. Bloating  - I hate fat people. I actually had to research if saying this publicly is allowed. There are many others who already have ranted on this. I think these people are just lazy, irresponsible and have least sense of self-respect. They abuse their bodies. It is a misconception that you get fat if you are happy and lose weight if you are sad. In my case I eat a lot when am under stress, depressed. And this is true even scientifically. Anyways, I don't think marriage will make you fat. No matter how many eat-outs you have. You can still stay slim and fit. This was my biggest worry. Phew! Guess I will win all those challenges who said I will bloat after marriage.

 Whoa! I think am doing good considering all these major worries(myths) of mine. Now the only question is will this last for 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades or for a lifetime( considering I live more than 2 decades he hee :-P) ?

Loyalty

Every time I left a Company I felt like a cheat except once. When I left my first department in my current working organization. But do companies/ organizations really care about you? Are you really valued? Or do they really feel your loss - a big NO. Then why did I feel that I had let down someone?

There are people who recognize you for what you have done and reward you. There are people who do not notice you. In the later case you have nothing to think about than own self. In the former case they did it cause you performed. But what do you if someone has bet on you blindly? If someone did more than just recognize your work? Someone who really knows the weaker aspect of human beings and hit it - yes the personal touch, connecting, bonding blah blah :-P. Am not sure if one has God Fathers in their careers. Do they? Have not come across or heard of any such stories. If they did, would not their so called God Father be happy about a decision that is good for you?

Loyalty seems like a  such a big limitation in human life's especially when it comes to careers. Not leaving for better opportunities is a sign of loyalty or a career suicide? This is when I think I should work for my own organization and not for someone else where in you have all these question marks. And when will that happen? In dreams I suppose! Then why did I wake up now? Don't know again! Need another brain storming to know why this sudden adrenaline rush.

I cannot have the cake and eat it too. Got to make some tough decisions. Like always in two minds! And all the advise that I got is to let it pass. And wait. Be patient. Sleep over it.

Really? Sleep over it? Normally when I do this the end result is I totally drop off the idea in the first place. Only sleepless nights get me somewhere :-P.  May be all I need is one tight slap!

The Secret Life Of Words - Movie Review

Another master piece of Tim Robbins after The Shawshank Redemption. But whole credit goes to Sarah Polley for her brilliant performance. Movie is set in the middle of the sea, an oil rig, which perfectly captures the mood of the film. And the background sound tracks just add to the movie experience.

Direction is so powerful that even simple narrations by the actors, simplest of the dialogs talk so loud. Mean so much than what they are actually saying. Story of two people dealing with their terrible pasts. When the movie starts we see Sarah as a loner, stiff person who is so anti-social. Who has never taken one day leave or a sick leave from work for the last 4 years. Who eats rice, chicken and apples everyday, doing the same routine everyday. Even when she is asked to take a vacation, she spends the month helping burns victim in an oil rig. That is when we meet Tim Robbins, who is heart broken for loving best friend's wife, losing both love and friendship.

We tend to sympathize with him, till we know Sarah's story. A war victim. Two most captivating and moving scenes in the movie are when Josef(Tim Robins) talks about his fear of water and the way his father threw him into the sea, and when Hanna( Sarah Polley) shares her miseries. Josef realizes that his sorrows are nothing when compared to hers. Isn't everything in life relative? We may think we are drowned with problems, worries and issues. But compared to what?

Josef: How does one live with what has happened?
         The consequences.
          How does one live with the dead?

Hanna:  l don't know. You'll have to go on, l suppose.
            Everyone keeps on living for the future, some how.
            Or not.
            There are those who don't make it through.



My best character in the movie though is Martin. He is a Oceanographer, who measures the number of waves that hit the oil rig, the strength of the sea and water temperature. Though his job is just this, he collects mussels, and is interested in sea life. He is the only positive character who adds meaning to the movie. Who says Life is worth living and worth hoping for even if you have to be a loner. And even if no one notices you. Just keep going. Just keep thinking something can be done.

Hanna: They're shutting down, anyway.
Martin: Not if l can help it.
Hanna: What will you do?
Martin: This could be used for lots of things.
            Use the drilling motors to purge the water.
             lt's possible to cleanse the water.
Hanna:  What will happen if nobody takes any notice of you?
Martin: Well, l'll keep on measuring waves.
            Collecting mussels.
            And l'll keep thinking that something can be done.
Hanna:  l envy you, Martin.
            Really, l ... l didn't know
            there were still people like you about.

Super Powers

Movies watched in less than a week – The Avengers, Hulk, The Incredible Hulk and Men In Black III. I should not have watched any of these. Cause now I want super powers. Geez :D. I want to do so many things – do an MBA, work abroad, learn few more languages, and be something, something BEEEEG. Strange that I am ambitious now, after marriage! Am more ready to take risks now! Especially after Singapore trip I have been seriously thinking that I have achieved nothing till now. First time I felt how poor and corrupted India is, and how poorer I am! I thought I am having the best life. What an illusion!

It might all seem like am running behind money, but no. I am lacking the sense of achievement. Now I don’t feel that I have done anything great at all. Except for being sincere or hardworking [ which I must say I am proud of, given how superficial people have become.  That’s a bad rating of myself by the way. It is my disappointment talking. Am not this critical in rating of myself usually. I know people who does not even have half the brains that I have]. Are achievements something defined in terms of financial status or something judged and decided by people around. Or is it something that lasts the time?

Singapore was the poorest country in 1965 when it got its independence and took loan from World bank. And it was paid back within 30 years. And now it is one of the richest countries competing with US of A. And all it is, is a dot on the map. How did it become so rich? So prosperous? All my research talks about one person who served three decades as Prime Minister of Singapore - Lee Kuan Yew, Chinese. One person who is responsible for its turn over. How did he do it? Is this what called Super powers?

I know many of friends, classmates, juniors, colleagues – how they have changed their fates. How their life's changed from nothing to so much. Stroke of luck? Or did they consciously make an effort for it or it just happened? When did I stop running? When did I start relaxing that I did not even realize how securely I have placed myself in a comfort zone and never thought beyond? Or have thought but never acted on!

What am I waiting for to happen?

I hope its not some freaking accident that will turn me into a super woman :-D.  I should get away from fictional world, seriously!

PS: Posting this from much longed for MAC and I feel nothing.