Well. Almost 2 months into my marriage and I needed a reality check. Check what my assumptions about marriage were and what they are now. Why I am doing this? Cause questions like "How is marriage life?" really worries me. I felt like I was asked to answer a question that is out of syllabus. As if I was supposed to worry about marriage life and treat it as a concern.
1. You - One thing I learnt the hard way is to never lose your individuality. Nobody is worth sacrificing yourself. This was one place where my fictional world could not influence me. All those romantic novels or movies that I read/ saw too taught me that at the end, only if you could be happy, you can make others happy. You CANNOT make someone else happy by sacrificing your own happiness or your own self. If you are in a relationship where your partner cannot see your happiness as his/ hers then you sure are in an abusive relationship. If someone wants you to be sad, suffering and depending on them and calls its love, its time you call it quits. It is indeed very difficult to find a person who can accept you as is, but if someone can be with you in spite of all your idiosyncrasies then you better change for good for this soul which is hard to find.
So. Marriage is not something where one person controls and the other obeys. Many ask me who listens to whom and I have seen people asking these questions to other married couples. Practically, I don't think anybody can control anyone. Marriage works on compromises. But not so many compromises that you forget who you are/ what you are in the first place.
2.Routines - Well, I do not know who said routine is boring. But the comfort of doing the known is so relaxing. And every person builds their routines. Even the most spontaneous person should have some routine that s/he basks in. Few call these habits. Few call these addictions. I am not talking about addictions like smoking/ drinking which ARE bad whether or not you are married. Marriage does affect these. No matter how much you want to continue them. And I guess most of the people get disappointed by marriage in this case. This is where they say I am losing freedom after marriage and that life has changed so drastically after marriage. May be that's an exaggeration, but I totally get them :-). These habits, routines, have been the Nirvana so far :-P and now suddenly it has to drop off. You might feel that you are losing control on your life. Especially for control freaks like me! ( which I have become in the last few years)
My routines - Walks. Movies. Books. TV Series. Working Out. Thankfully I can still enjoy most of these. Except for reading books. The more time we spend apart the more I can continue with this routine of mine. Which is sad. But I am happy that something or someone can fill in one of these routines. No regrets there. But may be if I start losing all of these, then I might feel the same too. Panic.
3. Friends - I hated most, no all of my friends once they got married. I am the last one to get married in my group and I really really hated them. Why? Cause they never had time for me once they got married. Somehow all that care/ attention/ interest/ curiosity about me or my life, that they had vanished once they got married. Even my closest friends. One whom I thought would not change in this aspect after marriage. But little did I know her plight.
And I really hated to listen either. I really hated when people used to talk about their marriage. As if only thing that mattered in their life's was marriage. Now I understand that they did not ignore you, but they really had little time for themselves that they can afford spending it on YOU. And why they talk so much about marriage to you - cause you don't know anything about marriage and most of the times when people talk, all they need is an ear, not judgments, not opinions and not advises.
I jump into misunderstandings so soon. I must be a selfish person at times to have thought these people do not care about me anymore. And am really thankful to all my friends who in spite of demanding life's that they already had, could check on me once in a while.
4. Work/ Career -Hmm. I really get edgy when this topic comes to me. Does marriage affect this? Especially in case of women? Can you have exactly equal priority for your family and work? I don't think so. Why do women actually work? For financial independence? For time pass? For supporting their families? If they are well of, India based then do these women really care about their jobs? On a different note, can a guy like a women for just being the best house-wife? Best daughter-in-law. Best mother? Does he really care for what she can be or what she is? Does he think that she can have her life too? I don't think men have that big a heart. Do they? I cannot understand if it is men or these women who choose these life's. Life of a house wife. I do not know whom to be blamed. Or may be I really do not understand what it is to be a house wife in spite of knowing how tough a job it is. I personally think everyone should have a life. That defines them individually, not as someone's something or not as part of something. Stand alone. On their own.
5. Bloating - I hate fat people. I actually had to research if saying this publicly is allowed. There are many others who already have ranted on this. I think these people are just lazy, irresponsible and have least sense of self-respect. They abuse their bodies. It is a misconception that you get fat if you are happy and lose weight if you are sad. In my case I eat a lot when am under stress, depressed. And this is true even scientifically. Anyways, I don't think marriage will make you fat. No matter how many eat-outs you have. You can still stay slim and fit. This was my biggest worry. Phew! Guess I will win all those challenges who said I will bloat after marriage.
Whoa! I think am doing good considering all these major worries(myths) of mine. Now the only question is will this last for 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades or for a lifetime( considering I live more than 2 decades he hee :-P) ?
1. You - One thing I learnt the hard way is to never lose your individuality. Nobody is worth sacrificing yourself. This was one place where my fictional world could not influence me. All those romantic novels or movies that I read/ saw too taught me that at the end, only if you could be happy, you can make others happy. You CANNOT make someone else happy by sacrificing your own happiness or your own self. If you are in a relationship where your partner cannot see your happiness as his/ hers then you sure are in an abusive relationship. If someone wants you to be sad, suffering and depending on them and calls its love, its time you call it quits. It is indeed very difficult to find a person who can accept you as is, but if someone can be with you in spite of all your idiosyncrasies then you better change for good for this soul which is hard to find.
So. Marriage is not something where one person controls and the other obeys. Many ask me who listens to whom and I have seen people asking these questions to other married couples. Practically, I don't think anybody can control anyone. Marriage works on compromises. But not so many compromises that you forget who you are/ what you are in the first place.
2.Routines - Well, I do not know who said routine is boring. But the comfort of doing the known is so relaxing. And every person builds their routines. Even the most spontaneous person should have some routine that s/he basks in. Few call these habits. Few call these addictions. I am not talking about addictions like smoking/ drinking which ARE bad whether or not you are married. Marriage does affect these. No matter how much you want to continue them. And I guess most of the people get disappointed by marriage in this case. This is where they say I am losing freedom after marriage and that life has changed so drastically after marriage. May be that's an exaggeration, but I totally get them :-). These habits, routines, have been the Nirvana so far :-P and now suddenly it has to drop off. You might feel that you are losing control on your life. Especially for control freaks like me! ( which I have become in the last few years)
My routines - Walks. Movies. Books. TV Series. Working Out. Thankfully I can still enjoy most of these. Except for reading books. The more time we spend apart the more I can continue with this routine of mine. Which is sad. But I am happy that something or someone can fill in one of these routines. No regrets there. But may be if I start losing all of these, then I might feel the same too. Panic.
3. Friends - I hated most, no all of my friends once they got married. I am the last one to get married in my group and I really really hated them. Why? Cause they never had time for me once they got married. Somehow all that care/ attention/ interest/ curiosity about me or my life, that they had vanished once they got married. Even my closest friends. One whom I thought would not change in this aspect after marriage. But little did I know her plight.
And I really hated to listen either. I really hated when people used to talk about their marriage. As if only thing that mattered in their life's was marriage. Now I understand that they did not ignore you, but they really had little time for themselves that they can afford spending it on YOU. And why they talk so much about marriage to you - cause you don't know anything about marriage and most of the times when people talk, all they need is an ear, not judgments, not opinions and not advises.
I jump into misunderstandings so soon. I must be a selfish person at times to have thought these people do not care about me anymore. And am really thankful to all my friends who in spite of demanding life's that they already had, could check on me once in a while.
4. Work/ Career -Hmm. I really get edgy when this topic comes to me. Does marriage affect this? Especially in case of women? Can you have exactly equal priority for your family and work? I don't think so. Why do women actually work? For financial independence? For time pass? For supporting their families? If they are well of, India based then do these women really care about their jobs? On a different note, can a guy like a women for just being the best house-wife? Best daughter-in-law. Best mother? Does he really care for what she can be or what she is? Does he think that she can have her life too? I don't think men have that big a heart. Do they? I cannot understand if it is men or these women who choose these life's. Life of a house wife. I do not know whom to be blamed. Or may be I really do not understand what it is to be a house wife in spite of knowing how tough a job it is. I personally think everyone should have a life. That defines them individually, not as someone's something or not as part of something. Stand alone. On their own.
5. Bloating - I hate fat people. I actually had to research if saying this publicly is allowed. There are many others who already have ranted on this. I think these people are just lazy, irresponsible and have least sense of self-respect. They abuse their bodies. It is a misconception that you get fat if you are happy and lose weight if you are sad. In my case I eat a lot when am under stress, depressed. And this is true even scientifically. Anyways, I don't think marriage will make you fat. No matter how many eat-outs you have. You can still stay slim and fit. This was my biggest worry. Phew! Guess I will win all those challenges who said I will bloat after marriage.
Whoa! I think am doing good considering all these major worries(myths) of mine. Now the only question is will this last for 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades or for a lifetime( considering I live more than 2 decades he hee :-P) ?
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