Sunday, June 26, 2011

Learning

Hiragana 
I was fascinated by french sometime back. Today, it is Japanese. I have a colleague at work ( Business Analyst - Shin Ohkura ), who is Japanese. I am very impressed by his working style. That added to the Anime( Japanese) movies that am watching lately got me interested in Japanese Culture. I have ordered few classic Japanese novels ( translated to English) which are yet to arrive.

Learning the language itself stems from watching this movie - "5 Centimeters Per Second". Such a brilliant movie. So poetical. So real. Reading English subtitles I wanted to know what those mean in Japanese. In the native language. So I started learning Japanese. I wanted to pursue this as a serious avocation. I tried to contact few schools in Bangalore. But to no avail.

So I started learning it online. I have finished learning Hiragana, Katakana Alphabet. I easily can write a spoken word in Japanese using these Alphabet. I can also read a word that is written with this alphabet. Yet to learn Kanji which seems difficult at this moment. I felt the same looking at Hiragana 2 days back.

Katakana 
Learning is something I enjoy very much. I love to learn new things. Just that it has to catch my interest. Not sure if this exercise of learning Japanese is also going to go down the hill like French. Hope not.

I was searching for desktop or online tools to practice more of what I learnt. Then I landed on this site LiveMocha.com. They link you with another person who knows the language that you are learning so that you both can converse and know the culture/ language.

So while I was browsing this website I see a pop up. A chat window from a total stranger on this site. It seems he is an Indian living in UAE and who is seeking friends. Friends on a language learning website? I am amazed at how guys try calculate your age by asking indirect questions :-P. Like, when did you complete your studies. Their rough estimate of graduation is 21 years. So if you say 2008 today, then you are 24 now. This guy asks me since when I am in Bangalore. And he was surprised or rather disappointed to know that am in Bangalore since 5 yrs. Not sure what his calculations told him. But his immediate next question was if I am married. I enjoy bashing these strangers online when they ask me such questions. How desperate men are! But well, I had registered with my original name and I was afraid to bash him ruthlessly. So I politely denied his so-called friendship request and escaped from this site.

But whole of this exercise of trying to learn something new, taking tests, writing down the alphabet which is the first thing I do as soon as I wake up in the morning, a guy hitting on you...makes me feel like a student all over again. I must admit it makes me feel young. Not young in terms of age, but young in terms of lightening up my heavy heart :-(. I love learning. Cause I am good at it. And when I evaluate myself at the end of each learning I feel good. The sense of accomplishment feels great. No wonder I loved being a student. No wonder why I was so happy in my college days.

Friday, June 24, 2011

My Recipe for Banana Cake

My whimsies continue...

I used to hate bananas. Until recently. Reason, my late night meetings which used to end at 12:30 in the midnight or 1 in the morning. After my meetings I used to feel damn hungry. Banana was the only food available at that time for me. So I thought of Banana cake. This has been my favorite since a long time. Since my Oracle days. The best banana cake I have ever eaten is from ICRISAT, Hyderabad.

Though I planned to cook Banana cake over the weekend, I could not wait till the weekend. Well, Friday evening, it IS a weekend. So here's my recipe for Banana cake.


Ingredients:

1. 2 Cups of All-purpose flour ( Maida)
2. 3/4 or 1 Cup of Sugar ( I don't like it if it is too sweet. Otherwise you can use 1 cup of Sugar )
3. 3/4 cup of Butter/ Ghee
4. 2 Egss
5. 2 ripe Bananas
6. 2 tbsp milk
7. 2 tbsp lemon juice
8.1 tbsp Baking Powder
9. 1 tbsp Baking Soda
10. Cinnamon or Ilaichi Powder for taste

Preparation:

 Mix ghee/ butter with Sugar. Add eggs to this and mix thoroughly. You can use a mixer for this purpose. Add milk, lemon juice to this. Add mashed bananas. Add baking powder, baking soda, and flour and stir well.

Once the mix is ready, apply butter to the pan and spread this mix in the pan evenly. Bake this using oven. It takes 45 mins for the cake to bake. So simple isn't it?

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My Recipe for Mixed Vegetable Soup

Whimsical Me! I wanted to prepare two things today. One Banana Cake. Two a hot simmering yummy soup. I realized I do not have all the ingredients to prepare Banana cake. So I settled for Soup. Bangalore climate this afternoon suited perfectly for a hot cup of soup.

Anyways my recipe for Home Made Mixed Vegetable Soup.

Ingredients:

1. Potatoes (2)
2. Tomato (1)
3. Beans (6)
4. Onion (1)
5. Coriander leaves ( for garnishing )
6. Carrot (1)
7. Sweet Corn ( As you desire )
8. Cauliflower or Cabbage Leaves ( As you desire )
9. Ginger-Garlic paste ( 1 tbsp)
10. Garam Masala ( 1/2 tbsp )
11. Pepper Powder ( 1/4 tbsp )
12. Salt to Taste
13. Olive oil ( 2 tbsp )

Preparation:

1. Cut Potatoes, beans, carrot and tomato into two sets. One to boil which can be 1 inch pieces. Rest of them finely chopped.
2. Boil the big pieces with enough water. I used pressure cooker.
3. Peel off tomato skin. Grind all these boiled vegetables. Due to potato this gives a thick paste which we are going to use as stock for the soup.
4. Cut onions. Whichever shape or size you desire. Long, thin pieces or 1 cm square shaped small pieces.
5. Heat Olive oil. Saute the chopped onions in this oil.
6. Add ginger-garlic paste and let it fry till its raw smell is gone.
7. Add rest of the finely chopped vegetables and let them fry for few mins
8. Now add the grounded paste to this and 4 cups of water to this.
9. Add salt, garam masala.
10. For those who like it to be spicy add Pepper powder.
11. Let it boil for 5-10 mins till the vegetables are cooked enough.
12. Finally add coriander leaves and the soup is ready :-)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Alternate Life

When does your life start to split? You are an ambitious happy go-lucky person who is very enthusiastic about what life brings, and who is so optimistic and full of zest, who is very daring to dream. Who has so many plans of what to do, how to do, where to go, what to be etc. And suddenly you are this "I figured it all" person who seem to have understood life as in a complex system with boundaries. Who is calculative or pessimistic about every approach that you take. Who, to say, is just going with life. When does this happen? Or how does this happen? When do you start having two life's? After your college, when you have lost touch with those childhood/ college friends? After your first major trauma? After your first heartbreak? Once you start working?

Do you leave behind the life that you dreamt of and go on with the new life that you are obliged to live? Or do you have two separate life's one which is expected of you and one which you struggle to maintain in order to keep your sanity? No I am not talking about multiple personalities that people have with different people.

For some routine life of work, family, friends is life. Probably is the only life. For some their work like art, music, or any other profession which they  love and cherish is their life. Lucky ones. For some, there are two different life's. A secret life. Like an anonymous blogger, dance which they practice taking  time out of their routine life, writing, reading. For some this alternate life is also a life with a different set of people. Different set of friends.

To me this happened when I faced a family crisis for the first time in my life. Being an elder child whole responsibility was on me. That changed my life. That was when the split happened. I was no more cheerful, careless girl. I began to worry. I began to depend on people a lot. This took me away for a while from a life that I dreamt of. A life with no obligations, a life that is perfectly in my control. Life that involved art, travel, fun, friends, and writing. Even today to the people at my work, to my family am a successful woman who has come far. I am good or rather great at my routine job as a programmer having a steady successful promising career.

But this is not the life I dreamt of. I always wanted to be a student. A researcher. To study. To read. To know. I love reading. All this reading only made me more philosophical and pessimistic in my routine life. However, in my alternate life I still dream of impossibilities. I still believe that someday some miracle might happen and that I will find absolute bliss in what I am doing. My job as a programmer does make me high at times, but not always, because the kind of work that I get is decided by someone else. So in my alternate life I want to have a hobby or something to do which is totally under my control. Which I love doing. Which defines me. Which makes me feel the power of having your life under control. Which gives me hope. I tried blogging. I tried dance. I tried learning foreign language. I tried Photography. But I am unable to continue any of them. Not because I cannot take out time from my routine life. Not that I lack any inspiration or motivation. Books I read, movies I watch constantly motivate me. And I do have the fortitude to break free from the rut of routine. I do have friends or acquaintances who have these alternate life's where in they pursue their interests. Am glad to know their alternate life's. But I do not know what I miss.
May be someone who could appreciate all this? But isn't the point of having an alternate life is to keep you and only you happy. Is it not something that do only for you. Then what am I missing? Look at me, I have started this blog in 2003 and number of posts has not even hit 100. I understand that it is not about the numbers. But why do I loose track. Can I ever find a passion to life for?

Movies that inspire me, 


Books that inspire me,

   

People whom I know personally who are successful in pursuing their dreams,


I will keep updating the above lists. I am sure they would keep growing.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Where do you put your trust?

For human beings Trust, Faith or Hope are essentials like air,water and earth. Life is such a complex thing, that we often face difficult situations. Situations might merely be difficult just because that is the first time you are facing it. So we fight, we struggle, we fail or we might succeed. All through this, what is the faith or belief that makes you fight for it? Whom or what do you trust in?

People. Do you go to your best friend? A family member? Or an expert in dealing with difficult situations? If your answer is yes, is your life not a result of the opinions of these people? Of what they think is success or failure? Is not your existence entirely dependent on these people? Can these people be really trusted? What happens when these people are no more in your life? Haven't we built a mental prison for ourselves in doing so?

Abilities. Would your abilities help you always? With your abilities you sure can control the damage but can you control what happens to you? Aren't most of the tough phases in life, which happen to us, are beyond our control. Take the biggest misfortunes like an accident, natural calamities to trivial day-to-day drama where you had been setup by evilness around. Is it lack of skills to overcome such situations or it's just a limitation that has let us down? No one is skilled to deal with more than what life has to offer him.

You.I believe only one person who totally understands you, who can think of nothing else but your good, and who will always be with you in the entire journey, and who would never give up on you, is only YOU. But isn't LIFE bigger than YOU, that putting all your trust in oneself, believing in oneself is not enough? Is this when you put your trust in the Almighty, a force which you believe is bigger than you,  that invisible force above all, called GOD?

God. If GOD is the answer, then how many of us have never failed? How many of us have a LIFE that is nothing but heaven? If the answer is not GOD, then where do you put your trust?
 

Dealing With Difficult People

I found this article on Financial Express News Paper dated May 2, 2011, Bangalore Edition. Author is Shweta Handa Gupta.

"In the school of life, difficult people are the faculty, They teach us our most important lessons, the lessons that we would be most unlikely to learn on our own"  - Mark I Rosen.

Difficult people are everywhere. At job, in personal life, at home. All around us. And this is the toughest challenge to face, if you are a person of mettle, character and who is not a second-hander [ Ayn Rand's definition of a second-hander ]. Dealing with such people is an emotionally draining process. I prefer to avoid such people and stay miles away from them. But many a times it just inevitable. This article explains on how to deal with such inevitability my seeing things through the other person's perspective, by not loosing your sanity and choosing your responses.

She goes on to explain how to try and understand the situation the Other person is put in, and why s/he is behaving in so-and-so manner. Each person's issue is a real problem to them. Like you, everyone has their own set of issues. In this light, do not be biased, and frame a negative opinion on the Other person based on a trivial negative trait about the Other person which is not of your liking. Trying to change the Other person is a dead end which will only result in aggravating the situation. 

Coming to One Self, there are people with whom you just do not get along, for many reasons. And if you are a person who does not want to be treated as a doormat, yet not get involved with these cheap tricks that others play on you, you may want to choose your responses. You may want to question yourself before you react.
  • Am I taking personally something that is not specifically directed at me?
  • Am I just trying to win the argument/ prove myself right? What do I gain out of winning this argument?
  • Is it my rational brain or my ego that is driving me to this response? Will I actually feel satisfied if I win this fight?
  • Will I be happy with my behavior at the end of this? Is this bringing out the worst in me and making me difficult to deal with too?
  • Is this person always as negative as I believe him/ her to be? Can I think of some examples when this person has behaved differently from my negative perception?
  • What do I feel when I think about this person? How do I behave when I am feeling this way? If I could let go of my negative emotions towards this person  how would I feel and behave? 
Article ends by quoting Einstein - "insanity is doing same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Si, if we want different outcomes to our interactions with different people, we need to focus on changing our responses and try to establish healthier patterns,




Trust

I have major trust issues. I cannot trust in people, situations or my fate. When it comes to trusting people, I do not trust anyone in my family. I do not believe that they will stand by me, for me, or that they will catch me if I fall. Not because they do not intend to, but to them am the supporter. It's the other way, they expect be to be there for them. Friends, well I do trust them, but unfortunately, time and again, all those whom I trust in, are lost, by distance. By my bad fate yet again. So that makes me one sad loner [ like that a$$hole said]? According to dictionary Loner is someone who avoids the company of other people, so that's not me. 

Colleagues at work? No way. I do not trust anyone. Not even my manager. No body. So my Bigboss promised me a promotion so that I will join his team. But I did not trust in him. He said I can change my projects as per my wish, that too I did not trust. But guess what, he has gone out of his way to get things done for me. Just because he gave me a promise. How many people do that these days? Of course I deserve everything that he has done for me, but still how many would fight with people, make few enemies, just to honor talent? Sincerity? and passion to work? I was so surprised to see that he kept his words. I was a bit embarrassed not to have put trust in him and for worrying. Work wise, Sharad[Manager] and Imran[Teammate & Senior] was one team where in I need not have to worry a bit about politics. Life was so peaceful in DCBU. Damn peaceful.

And given any difficult situation in life where patience is the only answer, I have a huge problem in having faith that things are going to be OK. No matter how many people tell me that it is going to be OK, I cannot sleep till the time when things are resolved. I do not remember if I was like this always, or sometime down the line I changed, that I lost faith. I have gone through so much in life. Yet I am here, successful, independent, then why the hell cannot I trust in my fate? Of course at relationships or people I have failed miserably. But can that decide the rest of my life?


Why can't I be positive? Why can't I just TRUST? Why am I skeptical or pessimistic about life? Why don't I have a positive outlook on life? I am being overprotective of myself? Can I blame people in my life so far who made me so negative in my outlook? 


I have DECIDED to be positive. And just TRUST in the best. Let me see if all my fears are real, if all my worries are worthy. Wish me good luck.




Monday, April 25, 2011

Girl from Jammu

Well, there is new girl in my Aerobics batch. She is newlywed Jammu girl. Just 2 months into marriage. She is so animated while talking as if she is so amazed at the world around. As though she is marveling everything in her life. I like the couple. He comes to pick her up after the classes and I really like the couple. He seems to be a doting husband. I don't know if all the happiness [?] around them is because they are newlyweds.

Girl looks like a doll. Very pretty, bubbly, cheerful and friendly. Everyone would fall in love with her. Her brains, I do not know. Her attitude, outlook and behavior impressed me. I speak to the girl almost every day and heard about marriage from her. Just 2 months into marriage, but she talks as though she has figured it all about marriage. I am pretty sure she is much younger to me, but somehow the way she talks about marriage surprised me. How could she be so sure about her life? 

She does not look like those pretty dolls with no brains, or no understanding of life. She seems to be someone who has come to terms with life and understood life. That is what I like about her. She seems to have known life. People like her make me hopeful about life, and about marriage. 

Women ARE better than Men in many ways. It's just that they do not know how to express, how to come forward. I am surprised at the way each of these women want to add more to their life's than just being a housewife or a mother. All of these people love oneself more than they love others.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Life Full Of Nothing

"The Secret In Their Eyes" is a Spanish movie and how did I end up watching this with subtitles? Well, I do not know how I land on these remarkable movies. Kudos to all the time that is spent on the internet. This movie is so poetic, touching, thought provoking, I only could imagine what emotions  movie could have stirred up, if I had known Spanish language. May be that is why they say language is not a barrier for a perfect art. Performances are brilliant that many a times I did not have to read the subtitles. I could read their eyes and know what they are trying to say!

Basic theme of this movie is passion. Everyone has a passion, that makes them live their life to the full, to the end. Passion is what keeps each of us going on. And this movie is a direct   question in the face, to those who lead their life's without any passion, as invalids. How do people live empty life's?

"A guy can change anything. His face, his home, his family, his girlfriend, his religion,his God. But there's one thing he can't change. He can't change his passion"

Movie starts with Benjamin Esposito, retired from Criminal Court, working on his novel. His novel is a fiction based on his own life, and one murder case that he solved during his tenure, but to which he could not provide justice. Reason? Office politics. And this constantly troubles him all his life. For the purpose of his novel, he revisits the case and tries to trace the murderer and the husband of the deceased. He believes that doing so, will make him be at peace with himself.  Movies goes back and forth in time, with flashbacks of his job at the Court, working with his friend Pablo Sandoval and lady boss Irene.

"How do you live a life full of nothing?"

Irene and Benjamin share the strange relationship of unspoken fondness for each other. In-spite of their mutual likeness, their relationship ends when Irene gets married to a man from her class/ status. He does not express his feelings for her openly, knowing that he can never match her social status. But in the novel he does.

Pablo the alter-ego of Benjamin, an alcoholic, plays a crucial part with the twists in the story. He adds the humor to the movie. This is an important character in the movie and you would know why only after watching the movie.

"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future."

Ricardo Morales, is the widower. He actively follows up on the case, to see that the murderer is punished. His love for his wife is true love. He visit train station everyday hoping that someday he would face the murderer. His pain and suffering is depicted poignantly. He says to Benjamin that killing the murderer is not the punishment, but having him live his entire life in a confined cell, with no hope than to wait for his death, living an empty life, is the best punishment that he deserves. But when the case is closed, he disappears from the city as if he had come to terms with the injustice.

Can Benjamin, after 25 years, find peace? Will his relationship with Irene ever blossom, in his novel and in his life? Are all the sacrifices done by him and people around him worthy of life? Does Ricardo get justice? Or the justice is already done? What is the passion that drives each of these four important characters of the story?

It's a classic movie based on love, crime, life. The ending of the movie plays a lot on your mind, and you just keep staring at the screen, contemplating everything that has been narrated so far and all you can do is nothing but marvel at it. It is true that all through the movie you feel disgust towards the murderer for brutal rape and murder of an innocent girl. But by the ending I bet if you do not feel sorry or pity for the murderer in the story.

It is a must watch.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Hours of Our Lifes

What is Life made of? Meaningless routines? Regrets? Happiness? Quietness? Peace? Movie "The Hours" is based on life's of three women of three different generations. All they have in common is despair. Hopelessness. Desperate need to find a meaning to their life's and hence happiness. Novel "Mrs Dalloway" connects all these three women. One woman an author,  one woman who reads this novel and reflects on her own way of living, one woman who is actually living the novel.

Virginia Wolf is the author of the book "Mrs Dalloway" who is suffering from depression, hallucinations. She has failed twice with her suicide attempts. She is advised by doctors to stay in a serene, quite place Richmond away from London. Which to her is death. She prefers violent jolt of city life to eerie suburbs. She has a loving husband who is constantly threatened by her suicidal tendency. To her sister Nessa, Virginia's life seems perfect and thinks Virginia is very fortunate to live two life's. One that Virginia is leading and the book that she is writing. Virginia believes that there is certainty in death. Death is the only possible escape for her. This reflects so much in her novel where she is trying to kill one of the characters. When her husband questions why someone has to die, she says "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. It's contrast"

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard."

Laura Brown is a pregnant housewife with a doting husband and a kid. She thinks she has lost her own life in being a wife, a mother. She is very unfulfilled and struggles to cope with a life that is ordained on her. A life without choices. She makes every effort to fit in, yet she is so unhappy and depressed. All this lead to thoughts of killing herself. What happens to her? Does she kill herself? Does she go back to her family and continue to live a life that does not define her? Or does she make a choice after all which she may or may not regret?

"It would be wonderful to say you regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? "

Clarissa Vaughan is the one who is living the novel Mrs Dalloway. A modern-day woman living with her gay partner. Who reassures herself that her life is not trivial by throwing parties and trying to be a good hostess. This is a meaningless routine that she builds to make her otherwise meaningless life worthy. She has an adopted girl child, a good career, a loving partner. But she cannot get over her young love Richard. Richard is an award winning poet, gay, and is suffering from AIDS. Richard and Clarissa share a beautiful relationship. Clarissa regrets her decision of losing her true love, soul-mate, friend Richard. She feels insignificant without Richard.

"Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't  go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have  been happier than we have been"

All of these woman have someone who loves them, who have something to carry on their life's with. But life is not about the hours that we live isn't it? It is not those meaningless hours that you spend on routines, years that you spend on trying to hold on a thing which is not you. Life is not the choices we made or not made. Life is about moments. Right there. Right then.

"I remember one morning getting up at  dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And  I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness.  This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It  never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was  the moment. Right then."
This movie may not be a perfect drama, may not help you in finding a meaning to life. May not give you a perspective. But it shows life as is and the rest is left to viewer's interpretations. Most of the movie is up for  your own perspective. This is not a sad story either. There are lot of positive messages through out the movie.


"To look life in the face, always,  to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know  it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always  the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the  hours."

I love the movie for the direction, and brilliant performances by Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman and Julian Moore. Awards that they got for this movie are well deserved.

Monday, April 11, 2011

I, in the making

I have always wondered when people say "if it does not kill you, it will only make you stronger". That is so true. Time and again, its been proven in my case. Coming out of a tumultuous relationship has made me grow so much. I have risen above so much. No person on earth should go through the emotional turmoil that I have been through. Yes, betrayal is the worst way to be hurt. It damages your faith, hope and leaves you hanging on to the past, wondering how and why you ended up being in such a situation. But for sure TIME does heal everything. EVERYTHING. All you have to do is just have faith and hang in there. Not loosing hope or faith in life is such a tough thing to do...but slowly, painfully, you will heal through it. And when you are out of this rut, there is no winning like this one.

You develop so many obsessions, habits, routines when you are going through this phase of healing, and by chance you realize your hidden potential or you find your true interests. You start defining yourself. There is a secret behind every success. Mostly the reason being a painful passionate need to know oneself, with one ultimate goal, which is to be happy. Looking back I feel very luck to have had gone through so much in life at early years of my life. Having learned so much. There is nothing more left than leading to the path of happiness. Nothing more worse can happen. No more bad can happen. I am pretty sure. Only thing awaiting you is your happiness.

I am very proud of myself today.

Was just listening to this song while driving,




Saturday, April 09, 2011

Self-worth

I believe that success at my work defines me. As if my whole worth and life is decided on how perfect I am at my job. That is the reason why I react to even a small issue at work. It bothers me a lot. A lot. I start thinking of alternatives. I start thinking of solutions. I just start thinking...and there is no stopping.

Looking back, I have been raised in a way where I believed that I am nothing if I don't stand first in the class. My marks, my ranks decided my worth. Should I be blaming my parents for this? May be. And now, even though there is no one to tell me what defines me, I seem to have assumed that it is my job. I always want to be the best. I want to be perfect. None of my friends or relationships that I have gave me a sense of who I am. What I am without my job. Except for two [ B & S ], who are far far away, no one ever gave me a feeling that they like me as a person, that they see me as something other than a successful woman or a topper in college. Not that I am a bad person. I like so many things about me. I am a good human being. I am intelligent. I am kind hearted. Helping person, most of all I am very humane. But all these are not the ones used to measure the worth of a person. Looks like it. If I had no job, if I was dumb would any of these people who were in my life still value my friendship or relationship with me? Would any of these people respect me as a human being? Guess not.

Respect defines me. And I get that from my job. If someday I am married, and a mother, would I still be looking for my self-worth through a job or through my family? Have I got all my basics wrong or am I in a world where everything is so screwed up? Do I need help?

How do people like Skunk live? Without a character, without respect? Can I live like them? Like losers? Without self-respect and conscience?

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Memories Are Always Rotten

De ja vu. I experience this quite a lot. Just when I started typing this post I had a De ja vu. Read so much on this concept and it still is intriguing.

Leo. Well, just yesterday is when I visited a hospital. Took Grandmother to get POP removed. No, visiting hospitals is not over. This morning we [ Mom, Grandma and I] found Leo limping. He seems to be having a problem with this left rear leg. And got an appointment in the evening. I am so tired of *taking care* of people. Anyways, all I can think of now is, Leo. I want him to be of sound health. I want him to be fit. Hope all is well with him. Can't wait for the Doc's appointment.

Last weekend I watched this Woody Allen's movie - Another Woman. I must say its Woody's best. Movie ends with this line "Is memory something that we have, or something that we lost?". This is exactly what has been on my mind lately. All those memories that I have cherished, longed for and have cried over, are just times that are lost. Gone. Past. And I was thinking that life is not about making memorable moments. Cause a memory good or bad is always a past and there is no point spending even a single moment on it. So I want to lead a life not to build those memorable moments but just living each moment to the fullest. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to look back and laugh, smile or cry over any of it. I wonder why I am blogging to this detail if that is the case!

Yesterday I my day at work was very grumpy. But guess what! I started the day with the same nasty mood. It was less than half an hour I realized that it was yesterday and today everything fell in place and got resolved. So it was a very peaceful day at work. I worry way too much. All I have to do is just wait and a take a breath and all is fine. It is true most of the times. While taking a breath I need to learn to shield from my emotions. My biggest challenge. Someday I will achieve it. Till then just wait. Just Wait. Well, coincidentally this song was being played on my music system while driving,




One thought that kept me nagging all the time. The thought of how a person who does so many mistakes can get away with it and be happy! Though I have not harmed anyone intentionally, have not lied to anyone, cheated anyone and who always takes the right path, suffer so much. Most of my suffering is emotional/ psychological. Guess it's my conscience. And people like Skunk, do not have a conscience. But should not they be punished in a way that makes them realize? Oh boy! Is there justice in this world? I do not know why this bothers me so much. It depresses me so much that others get away with anything while I don't seem to take even one step ahead without paying for mistakes that I did. Irony is that most of the times I do not know why am being punished. Sad part of my life.

But I will not give up! I will not succumb. I am very determined to be happy. And stay happy. Leo is my inspiration. No matter what condition he is in, every time a person walks into my kitchen, he goes behind them anticipating some goodies. He does not miss one single time. No matter what. No matter what time it is. He is determined. And so will I be. Love you Leo.

PS: This is the first time I ever mentioned Skunk on my blog, though my hatred for him has been nursed for sometime now. I tried hard to not mention him, not because I forgave or forgot, just because he is a filth not worth to be mentioned on my blog. But could not resist for long ;;-).

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Letting Things Happen

I realize lately that all the best things in my life so far have been those which happened to me. And which turned out to be the best. For my good. When I trace back to every good thing in my life, family, friends, education, career, my pet Leo, all of them happened to me. I know friends and family are never our choices :-). But I also know of few people in my life whom I wanted to be my friends forever, are not there anymore in my life. Is that a good thing, I do not know, but am thankful for those friends who happened to me and who are still in my life.

Choosing computer science as my major in my graduation happened to me. There were many people who opted out of it, during the recession period thinking that there is no future for computers. But am glad I landed in this field. The companies I worked or working for. Places I lived [ Oh yeah Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad & HSR Layout, Bangalore are my favorite places on earth, I would like to blog about this sometime soon]. Career moves that I made. All of it. Just happened for the best.

Studying abroad was my passionate dream. I did not even apply for any jobs after my graduation thinking that I am meant to be a student. But I have no regret at all for not doing MS. Likewise I can pick up so many best things in my life all of which are something that happened to me. Somehow "making things happen" pushed me farther away from the reality, while on the other hand "letting things happen" gave me a dream come true feel.

I am not sure if this is the right attitude to be leading a life. But I have my own theory. Very few things that I tried to make it happen, left me only with a huge disappointment, pain or regret. Regret to have even tried them in the first place. Trying to make things happen always involves fear, insecurity, worry that it might not happen. Murphy's law says anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. When you can make it happen, you may be proud for a while that you could do it, but it is not magical. It would not last a lifetime. Life is not about great things that you had but the magical moments that took your breath away. Things that bring a smile on your face, a perfect satisfaction that the journey was worthwhile.

On the other hand letting things happen needs a strong belief system. An unrelenting positive attitude to look forward to things, and always hope for the best to happen. This attitude makes you get along with life. Accepting things. And this makes you less frustrated, and gives a better understanding or clarity to your life. And when things happen the way you want it, its the most magical thing on earth. If they do not happen, you are already prepared for it. As you did not put in any efforts in the first place. This is not a giving up on life attitude. This is just accepting life the way it is. Bemusing, magical, thrilling, hopeful.

Can you look back at your life and count those magical moments that happened to you?

PS: I am a strong believer in logic and reasoning. I am still struggling between choosing "Make It Happen" and "Letting Things Happen". But if I had to look back in my life, I have been the happiest person when I let things happen. And the most magical moments were a result of this.

Touch Wood! :-))

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Beautiful Mind

In this Universe one thing that amazes me the most is a human mind. Why few people are genius? Why few people are insane? How close are insanity and genius?

They say its all in the mind. Which makes the impossible, the possible. How much of it is true? If it is true, how much of a control do we have on our mind? Is it our mind that makes a hell or heaven? Can our own mind trick us? Betray us? Make life a hell? Destroy us?

What influences our decisions, reactions, thoughts, behavior? Our experiences? Awareness? Memories? Two movies that conjure all these questions are "A Beautiful Mind" and the latest flick "Inception".

Most of my search, have one thing in common. A human mind cannot imagine or experience what is not experienced. It can only process "positive information" i.e, what it can perceive through its senses. It can only work or manipulate, information from the experiences of your five senses, which can influence your logical or emotional thinking. So, an experience, a memory plays a crucial role in your decision making. A memory or experience is recorded as a mental pattern in your brain.

What if our past experiences or bad? What if the memories are sour? This can lead to a pessimistic attitude, however it is proven that no matter how tormented a mind is, it has natural resilience to adjust itself if given enough time. Lately "Law of Attraction" is being espoused in positive thinking. It's always mind over matter. Just think and it will happen - think positive and everything will be alright. I read this book "The Secret" on the same. It is not very convincing for a person who has already lost control over their mind. However, I always believed that there is nothing impossible, and if you want it bad enough you can make  it happen. And how badly you want it and where to draw the line before you call yourself insane is the trick.

 I found this following article very credible and I see most of these 10 items applicable to my reasoning  :-),

-  Gamblers Fallacy

The Gambler’s fallacy is the tendency to think that future probabilities are altered by past events, when in reality, they are not. Certain probabilities, such as getting a heads when you flip a (fair) coin, are always the same. The probability of getting a heads is 50%, it does not matter if you’ve gotten tails the last 10 flips. Thinking that the probabilities have changed is a common bias, especially when gambling. For example, I am playing roulette. The last four spins have landed on black, it has to be red this time right? Wrong! The  probability of landing on red is still 47.37% (18 red spots divided by 38 total spots). This may sound obvious, but this bias has caused many a gambler to lose money thinking the probabilities have changed.

-- Reactivity
 
 Reactivity is the tendency of people to act or appear differently when they know that they are being observed. In the 1920s, Hawthorne Works (a manufacturing facility) commissioned a study to see if different levels of light influenced worker productivity. What they found was incredible, changing the light caused productivity to soar! Unfortunately, when the study was finished, productivity levels decreased to their regular levels. This was because the change in productivity was not due to the light levels, but to the workers being watched. This demonstrated a form of reactivity; when individuals know they are being watched, they are motivated to change their behavior, generally to make themselves look better. Reactivity is a serious problem in research, and has to be controlled in blind experiments (“Blind” is when individuals involved in a research study are purposely withheld information so as not to influence the outcomes).

 -- Pareidolia

Pareidolia is when random images or sounds are perceived as significant. Seeing clouds in the shapes of dinosaurs, Jesus on a hot pocket, or hearing messages when a record is played backward are common examples of pareidolia. The common element is that the stimulus is neutral, it does not have intentional meaning; the meaning is in the viewer’s perception.

Interesting Fact: the Rorschach Inkblot test was developed to use pareidolia to tap into people’s mental states. Testees are shown images of ambiguous pictures, and asked to describe what they see. Responses are analyzed to discover the testee’s hidden thoughts.

--  Self-fulfilling Prophecy


Self-fulfilling prophecy is engaging in behaviors that obtain results that confirm existing attitudes. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that causes itself to become true. For example, I believe that I am going to do poorly in school, so I decrease the effort I put into my assignments and studying, and I end up doing poorly, just as I thought. Another common example is relationships; I think my relationship with my significant other is going to fail, so I start acting differently, pulling away emotionally. Because of my actions, I actually cause the relationship to fail. This is a powerful tool used by “psychics” – they implant an idea in your mind, and you eventually make it happen because you think it will.

Interesting Fact: Economic Recessions are self-fulfilling prophecies. Because a recession is 2 quarters of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) decline, you cannot know you are in a recession until you are at least 6 months into one. Unfortunately, at the first sign of decreasing GDP, the media reports a possible recession, people panic and start a chain of events that actually cause a recession.

-- Halo effect



Interesting Fact: The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype is when people assume that attractive individuals possess other socially desirable qualities, such as happiness, success and intelligence. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when attractive people are given privileged treatment such as better job opportunities and higher salaries.

-- Herd Mentality

Herd mentality is the tendency to adopt the opinions and follow the behaviors of the majority to feel safer and to avoid conflict. Also known as “Mob Mentality,” this is, at its most common form, peer pressure. Herd mentality explains why fads get so popular. Clothes, cars, hobbies, styles, all it takes is a group of people who think something is cool, and it catches on.

Interesting Fact: things that are unattractive, or that would never seem cool or popular now have had huge followings due to herd mentality. Examples include parachute pants, pet rocks, mullets, cone bras, tie-dye, sea monkeys, and the 1980s (by the way, that is an ’80s guy in the picture above).

-- Reactance

Reactance is the urge to do the opposite of what someone wants you to do out of a need to resist a perceived attempt to constrain your freedom of choice. This is common with rebellious teenagers, but any attempt to resist authority due to perceived threats to freedom and/or choice is reactance. The individual may not have a need to do the specific behavior, however the fact that they cannot do it makes them want to.

Interesting Fact: “reverse psychology” is an attempt to influence people using reactance. Tell someone (particularly children) to do the opposite of what you really want, and they will rebel and actually end up doing what you want.

-- Hyperbolic Discounting

Hyperbolic discounting is the tendency for people to prefer a smaller, immediate payoff over a larger, delayed payoff. Much research has been done on decision-making, and many factors contribute to the individual decision making process. Interestingly, delay time is a big factor in choosing an alternative. Put simply, most people would choose to get 20 dollars today instead of getting 100 dollars one year from today. Normally it makes sense to choose a greater amount of money immediately than less in the future, as the value of a dollar is worth more today than it is tomorrow. Assume that the interest rate is 9%, at this interest rate, a rational person would be indifferent to taking $91.74 now, or $100 a year from now. However, it is interesting how much less we are willing to take immediately rather than wait, would you rather have $100 a year from now, or $50 immediately? How about $40 immediately? Where do you draw the line?

 -- Escalation of Commitment

Escalation of commitment is the tendency for people to continue to support previously unsuccessful endeavors. With all the decisions people have to make, it is unavoidable that some will be unsuccessful. Of course, the logical thing to do in these instances is to change that decision or try to reverse it. However, sometimes individuals feel compelled not only to stick with their decision, but also to further invest in that decision because they have sunk costs. For example, say you use half of your life savings to start a business. After 6 months, it is evident that the business is going to be unsuccessful. The logical thing to do would be to “cut your losses” and drop the business. However, due to the sunk costs of your life savings, you feel committed to the business and invest even more money into the project hoping that the additional cash will turn the business around.

--  Placebo Effect

The Placebo effect is when an ineffectual substance that is believed to have healing properties produces the desired effect. Especially common with medications, the placebo effect has been observed when individuals given a sugar pill for a real ailment report improvement. Placebos are still a scientific mystery. It is theorized that placebos cause an “Expectancy Effect”, (In cases of uncertainty, expectation is what is most likely to happen) individuals expect the pills to cure their ailments, so they feel cured. However, this does not explain how the ineffectual pills actually cause a reduction in symptoms.

Interesting Fact: The term “Placebo” is used when the outcomes are considered favorable, when the outcomes are negative or harmful; the term is “Nocebo”

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Madhuranubhavama Prema

Madhuranubhavama prema
Mathileni tanama prema
Nuvu telchagalava kalamaaa...kalamaaa

Mruduvaina swarama prema
Padunaina sarama prema
Baduleeyagalava daivama...daivama

Koneeti kaluva prema
Kanneeti koluva prema
Bathikinchu chaluva prema

Chithi perchu siluva prema
Edabaatu pere prema
Porabaatu dare prema
Baduleeyamante mounama...

Madhuranubhavama prema
Mathileni tanama prema
Nuvu telchagalava kalamaaa...kalamaaa

Mruduvaina swarama prema
Padunaina sarama prema
Baduleeyagalava daivama...daivama

Aranyaala margam nuvvu
Asathyala gamyam nuvvu
Padathosi murise pranayama

Vishadala raagam nuvvu
Vivadala vedika nuvvu
Kanneru kurise meghamaaa

Edureetha kore prema
Edakothale nee seema
Ninu cherukunte neeerama...

Madhuranubhavama prema
Mathileni tanama prema
Nuvu telchagalava kalamaaa...kalamaaa

Mruduvaina swarama prema
Padunaina sarama prema
Baduleeyagalava daivama...daivama


Nadiyeta navaina nuvvu
Sudilona padathostavu
Kadadaaka todai undavuu...

Vidateeya baline nuvvu
Vijayalu anukuntavu
Mudiveyu mantram eragavuu...

Edureetha kore prema
Edakothale nee seema
Ninu cherukunte neeerama...


Song from the movie "Happy Happy Ga" .

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I want to be a Birthday Girl!

I wan to be a birthday girl. I want to celebrate my birthday, which is 6 months away :-(.

I want to be pampered, I want all the attention, I want to feel admired!

Birthdays, special days...days when all the people wish you, for being what you are. Days which remind you of the number of people still around you. Days which bring back nostalgic memories. Days which make you feel good, special & happy.

Long forgotten friends, long distance calls. Relationships that were ignored for reasons like ego.

Nothing matters on this day. You forgive people for their past mistakes, and accept their wishes. Misunderstandings are merely wispy moments that are forgotten.

Probably the only day in the entire year when you are surprised by the down pour of wishes by so many people who were oblivion all this while. It makes you feel hopeful of all the relations/ ties in your life. Makes you feel that nothing has changed in the world and all is well, still the same.
Such a comfort! Comfort just for the day, as you probably know that the next day each of them would be back on the tracks of busy life. You would still be grateful, thankful and hopeful for having at least a word with these people who cared enough to wish on your day. I realize now the importance of these sepcial days...how much it means to wish a person on their special day, what difference it makes.

One of my friend celebrated his birthday yesterday and I could see how happy he is, how overwhelmed he is. In his words "having people is do damn nice, feels nice to know that there are so many people who like you. I feel sorry for not spending time with these friends. I always thought I am so busy and so they must be busy too. But the fact is, everybody is like me, they don't know they are loved till told. They don't know how many people admire them."

And I want all of this :-). I wish I had some special day which is not 6 months far! I wish I had a chance to know how many people I have in my life. Unfortunately last year I did not have such a great birthday. Except for my family members, I received only few phone calls that I can count on fingers. What happened suddenly? What has changed? Did I get old enough to loose all the friends or people in my life? Have I ignored people to the extent that no body cared to wish me on my day?! Is this what happens when you get older?

Also posted at I want to be Birthday Girl!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Basic Photography

Photography is derived from the greek word photographia. Photo meaning light, graphia meaning to curve. It means writing with light.
And a Camera is derived from Latin word  Camera Obscura which means "dark chamber". More on how this was used back in time to capture images and how it lead to photography can be found here.

Types of Cameras

There are two types of cameras,
  • Film Based - uses film to capture the images. Maximun exposure of 36 images per roll of film
  • Digital  - uses sesnor to capture the images. It cannot retain the images like the film. With a 1GB memory card, 256 JPEG images can be taken which are of 4MB each.
What is a Single-lens reflex camera?

A digital single-lens reflex camera (digital SLR or DSLR) is a digital camera that uses a mechanical mirror system and pentaprism to direct light from the lensviewfinder on the back of the camera. "SLR" means that the same lens is used for viewing and taking pictures. A mirror in the body directs the light from the lens up into a prism for viewing, then flips up out of the way just before an exposure is made. to an optical


A cross-section (or 'side-view') of the optical components of a typical SLR camera shows how the light passes through the lens assembly (1), is reflected by the mirror (2) and is projected on the matte focusing screen (5). Via a condensing lens (6) and internal reflections in the roof pentaprism (7) the image appears in the eyepiece (8). When an image is taken, the mirror moves upwards from its critical 45 degree angle in the direction of the arrow, the focal plane shutter (3) opens, and the image is projected onto the film or sensor (4) in exactly the same manner as on the focusing screen. An image is turned upside down each time it is reflected from a mirror.

Old analog cameras had a prism for (7) which made them heavy. With digital cameras this pentaprism is made of just two mirrors which makes it lighter.

Types of Digital Cameras
  • Compact/ Consumer eg., Mobile cameras
  • Bridge/ Prosumer eg. Digital point and shoot cameras
  • DSLR 
Both compact and bridge cameras have the lens fixed to the body. With DSLR these are detachable.

Sensor

A device that measures physical quantity of light and converts it to a signal that can be read by the instrument.

Sensors, like film, are sensitive to light. Once the shutter is pressed, they record an image digitally. The size and type of light sensor are significant. It’s clear there’s an obvious physical size difference between a point and shoot camera and a DSLR. This is predominately due to size of the sensor contained in the camera. The sensors found in DLSR models are much larger than those within point and shoot cameras, thus producing clearer images with less distortion and noise. 

Sensor Types
  • CCD Charged Coupling devices
  • CMOS Complementary Mutual Oxid Semiconductor
  • Foveon
CCD sensors produce high quality images, although cameras equipped with this sensor tend to be more costly and consume more power than other types.

A CMOS sensor is larger than a CCD sensor so its surface is capable of capturing more light. As a result, CMOS sensors are more sensitive and produce images higher in quality compared to CCD sensors. CMOS sensors are easier and less costly to manufacture and use less power than CCDs. Because of their increased size, cameras using this type of sensor tend to be bulkier.

There has been some debate concerning the relative strengths of CCD versus CMOS. In practice, neither is “better”; each type works effectively and should be evaluated on its own merits.

CMOS is a proprietary of  Canon. Nikon pays royalty to Canon for using CMOS sensors.

Sensor Size

The sensor size affects many factors in your images and the functions of your camera body. It has a major impact on the quality of your image, how your lens functions, and how it performs in low light conditions.There are three basic size categories for sensors:
  • Four Thirds
  • APS
  • Full Film Format ( Fx ) - A sensor whose size is equal to the film size i.e, 36 mm * 24 mm. DSLRs with this type of sensor are the costliest and can cost more than 3 lakhs.

Nikon D5000 sensor size is 23.6 * 15.8. Which is half of Fx format, hence known as Dx format. Right now in the market Nikon has the best senor size when compared to others. Four Thirds sensors have become a standard for Olympus and Kodak at a size of 13.5mm by 18mm, while APS sensors are close to that of the original APS film size. Most DSLR cameras fall into the APS size range.

This commonly used term denotes the size ratio between a smaller sensor and a full frame 24X36mm sensor. For example Nikon D5000 with a sensor size of 23.6 * 15.8 the crop factor is 1.5x. The crop factor is most often used to determine the "35mm equivalent" field of view for any given lens when used on a camera with a sensor smaller than 24X36mm.;

Pixel

A pixel is a picture element which is the smallest piece of information. Pixels are square in shape and can have only one color.

File Formats
  • JPEG  Joint Photographic expert group
  • TIFF Tagges Image File Format
  • RAW Also called Digital Negative
 JPEG format has a lossy compression whereas TIFF has loss less compression. With RAW there is no compression.  JPEG and TIFF are already processed by the digital cameras. RAW images are not processed and softwares like photoshop can be used to process these images for the correct exposure.

Memory Cards
  • SD
  • CF
  • Meomory Stick Pro/ Duo [ Proprietary of Sony ]
  • MMC
CF are the best due their higher buffer speeds.

Functions of  a Digicam

Aperture controls light and depth of field [ DOF ].
Shutter controls light and motion.

The aperture of a lens is the diameter of the lens diaphragm opening and is usually controlled by an iris. The larger the diameter of the aperture, the more light reaches the film / image sensor.

Aperture is expressed as F-stop, e.g. F2.8 or f/2.8. The smaller the F-stop number (or f/value), the larger the lens opening (aperture).
NOTE: Auto/ Program modes on the camera give the median which is f/8.

shutter speed is ‘the amount of time that the shutter is open’. It is the length of time that the sensor ’sees’ the scene you’re attempting to capture. Shutter speeds range from 1/8000, 1/4000, 1/1000, 1/500, 1/250, 1/125, 1/60, 1/30, 1/15, 1/8, 1/4, 1/2, 1 or -1, -2 etc., measured as a fraction of second. All shutter speeds after 1/60 need a tripod support.

The aperture diaphragm of a lens (bigger or smaller values) AND timing (open and close) of the camera's shutter curtain - BOTH perform the tasks of regulating the amount of light entering the camera and expose onto the film

*** Fast Shutter speeds freeze motion, slower shutter speeds blur the motion

Exposure

Exposure is the quantity of light allowed to act on the sensor by a product of intensity ( controlled by aperture) and the duration ( controlled by shutter). There is no perfect exposure, but correct exposure. 

ISO Sensitivity 

On most digital SLR’s (Single Lens Reflex) cameras today you can even change the sensitivity of the sensor when collecting light which is called the ISO speed.  The common span of ISO speed is 100 to 800. The higher the ISO speed the faster the camera collects light but it also adds more noise to the photograph than the lower speeds.

Exposure Triangle

The exposure triangle explains how the individual aspects of exposure (aperture, shutter speed and ISO) affect the final exposure of the photo. 

A properly exposed photo should (normally) resemble the brightness of the original scene. A poorly exposed photo will either be too dark or too bright and may contain areas that are so dark or bright that they contain no detail (know as blown out). So how can we control the exposure of a photo? That is where the exposure triangle comes in.

The exposure triangle is a useful way of describing the relationship between the three aspects of exposure. Each corner of the triangle represents one of the three variables, aperture, shutter speed and ISO. Adjusting just one of these will make the photo darker or brighter and will change the appearance of the photo based on what you have changed. E.g. using a longer shutter speed will introduce motion blur to your photo but also make the photo brighter (increased exposure) due to more light hitting the sensor. The easiest way to understand it is to see the picture.

White Balance

The easiest way to describe white balance is by way of colour temperature which in itself is a way of measuring the quality and intensity of a light source. This is based on the ratio of blue and red light hitting the sensor, with the green light being ignored. Measured in units of degere Kelvin (K).

Correct day light solur temperatire is 5500k.

Here are some of the basic White Balance settings you’ll find on cameras:
  • Auto – this is where the camera makes a best guess on a shot by shot basis. You’ll find it works in many situations but it’s worth venturing out of it for trickier lighting.
  • Tungsten – this mode is usually symbolized with a little bulb and is for shooting indoors, especially under tungsten (incandescent) lighting (such as bulb lighting). It generally cools down the colors in photos.
  • Fluorescent – this compensates for the ‘cool’ light of fluorescent light and will warm up your shots.
  • Daylight/Sunny – not all cameras have this setting because it sets things as fairly ‘normal’ white balance settings.
  • Cloudy – this setting generally warms things up a touch more than ‘daylight’ mode.
  • Flash – the flash of a camera can be quite a cool light so in Flash WB mode you’ll find it warms up your shots a touch.
  • Shade – the light in shade is generally cooler (bluer) than shooting in direct sunlight so this mode will warm things up a little.
The following values are approximate but should give you an idea of how this is seen in most photographic situations. 

Light Source
Colour Temp in K
Clear Blue Sky
9,000 to 15,000
Overcast Sky
6,000 to 8,000
Noon Sun and Clear Sky
6,500
Sunlight Average
5,400 to 6,000
Electronic Flash
5,400 to 6,000
Household Lighting
2,500 to 3,000
200-watt Bulb
2,980
100-watt Bulb
2,900
75-watt Bulb
2,820
60-watt Bulb
2,800
40-watt Bulb
2,650
Candle Flame
1,200 to 1,500


Photography...writing with light!

Photography...yes my latest passion! I bought Nikon D5000 last Tuesday. I remember the drive back home with this camera in my hands. I wish I had someone to capture my happiness. I was very very happy and could not stop capturing every little detail of life that I saw with my minds camera!

I got Basic Photography Classes as a complimentary with this purchase. The classes are given by Director of the chain of Whizz shops, who has 60 years of experience in this field. Going ahead I will be writing all my learning on photography. After attending the class today, I realized that this is going to be a different science altogether. And a costly hobby too. I am hoping that this hobby of mine will push me to travel, traveling another interest of mine which I could never explore for the fear of...I don't know!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ramachakani Seeta Ki

This is the most beautiful song that I have ever listened to. I would never get bored of this song. I would play this forever zillion times over and over again. s by Veturi are just heavenly. Listen to the song here.


à°¨ీà°² గఘన ఘనవిచలన à°§à°°à°¨ిà°œా à°¶్à°°ీ à°°ాà°®
మధుà°° వదన నలిà°¨ నయన మనవి à°µినర à°°ాà°®
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి à°…à°° à°šేà°¤ à°—ోà°°ింà°Ÿ

à°‡ంà°¤ à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°šుà°•్à°•à°•ి à°‡ంà°•ా ఎవరు à°®ొà°—ుà°¡ంà°Ÿ
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి ఉడుà°¤ à°µీà°ªుà°¨ à°µేà°²ు à°µిà°¡ిà°šిà°¨ à°ªుà°¡à°®ి à°…à°²్à°²ుà°¡ు à°°ాà°®ుà°¡ు
à°Žà°¡à°® à°šేతను à°¶ిà°µుà°¡ి à°µిà°²్à°²ుà°¨ు à°Žà°¤్à°¤ిà°¨ à°† à°°ాà°®ుà°¡ే

à°Žà°¤్à°¤ గలడా à°¸ీà°¤ జడను à°¤ాà°³ి à°•à°Ÿ్à°Ÿే à°µేళలో
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి à°Žà°°్à°° à°œాà°¬ిà°²ి à°šేà°¯ి à°—ిà°²్à°²ి à°°ాà°®ుà°¡ేà°¡à°¨ి à°…à°¡ుà°—ుà°¤ుంà°Ÿే
à°šూà°¡à°²ేదని à°ªెదవి à°šెà°ª్à°ªే à°šెà°ª్పలేమని à°•à°¨ుà°²ు à°šెà°ª్à°ªే
నల్లపూà°¸ైà°¨్à°¦ు à°¦ేà°µుà°¡ు నల్లని à°°à°˜ు à°°ాà°®ుà°¡ు
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి 


à°šుà°•్కనడిà°—ా à°¦ిà°•్à°•ునడిà°—ా à°šెà°®్మగిà°²్à°²ిà°¨ à°šూà°ªునడిà°—ా
à°¨ీà°°ు à°ªొంà°—ిà°¨ à°•à°¨ులలోà°¨ à°¨ీà°Ÿి à°¤ెà°°à°²ే à°…à°¡్à°¡ు à°¨ిà°²ిà°šే
à°šూà°¸ుà°•ోమని మనసు à°¤ెà°²ిà°ªే మనసు à°®ాà°Ÿà°²ు à°•ాà°¦ుà°—ా
 
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి à°…à°° à°šేà°¤ à°—ోà°°ింà°Ÿ
à°‡ంà°¤ à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°šుà°•్à°•à°•ి à°‡ంà°•ా ఎవరు à°®ొà°—ుà°¡ంà°Ÿ 
à°°ాà°® à°šà°•్à°•à°¨ి à°¸ీతకి

à°‡ంà°¦ువదనా à°•ుందరదన à°®ందగమన à°­ాà°®
 à°Žంà°¦ువలనా à°‡ంà°¦ువదనా à°‡ంà°¤ మదన à°ª్à°°ేà°®ా

Here's the translation for the song,

Neela gaganaa ghanavichalana dharanijaa
(The sky blue skinned one…
One who moves with heaviness…
Daughter of mother earth …)

sree ramana
madhura vadanaa nalina nayanaa manavi vinara raama

(A face as sweet as honey…
beautiful eyes…
wont u listen to my request…)

Raama chakkani seetaki aracheta gorinta
(To this dear sita of rama and the mehendi in her hand… )

Inta chakkani chukkaki inka evaru mogudanta
(who else could be the husband of this beautiful star?)

Raama chakkani seeta ki
(To this dear sita of rama )

Udata veepuna velu vidichina *pudami alludu raamude
(He is the son-in-law of earth who left his three fingerprints on the back of squirrel …)

Edama chetanu sivudi villunu ettina aa raamude
(he is the one who lifted the siva danusu with his left hand… )

Ettagalada seeta jadanu taali katte velalo
(wont he be able to lift seethas braided hair while knotting the divine thaali? )

Raama chakkani seetaki..
Erra jabilli cheyi gilli ramudedani adugutunte

(the red moon pinches her hand asking,where is rama)
Chudaledani pedavi cheppe cheppalemani kanulu cheppe
(lips reply I dint see whereas eyes say I cant reply…)

Nallapusainadu devudu nallani raghu raamudu
(black rama became the holy black pearl chain of Sita )

Raama chakkani seetaki
Chukkanadiga
(I asked the stars)

dikkunadiga
(I asked the directions)

chemmagillina chupunadiga
(I asked the tears drenched sight)

Neeru pongina kanula lona neeti terale addu niliche
(the tear filled eyes are veiled with curtains of tears itself!)

Chusukomani manasu telipe manasu matalu kaaduga
(your heart says to show you but you never listen to your heart)

Raama chakkani seetaki aracheta gorinta
Inta chakkani chukkaki inka evaru mogudanta
Raama chakkani seeta ki
Induvadanaa kundaradanaa mandagamana

(moon faced,gold laced,slow gaited woman)
Bhaama…
Enduvalana induvadana intamadanaa prema..?
(moon faced…why do you face such turmoil?love?)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Stranger To A Stranger

Parties. People. Fun. I always say yes to these. But most of the people well, people who do not fall into the categories of 'so-called' friends say that am a very reserved, matured, serious person. If you do not know me well, is that my problem? And I do not bother to explain myself to them. At times it is good to be treated this way. On the negative side people fear you, they think twice before they cross their limits to reach out to you, on the positive side they respect you, they are intrigued by you, for being a mysterious person.

Each of us are different people at different places of time and space. You are a different person at home, at office. You were a different person as a kid, as a grown up. But a stranger to yourself during all of these transitions, changes. You get familiar with the people, situations. With time everything changes to accommodate you, to make you more comfortable with your world around.

But do you remember those moments when you ended up being a stranger? A new school, new city, new college. A new job in a new office! What is it that makes the difference, that brings in the change that makes us more familiar to the situations. That makes people less distant? How does all of this work? What is the impression that you give when you meet an absolute stranger? Suppose you are in a library or at a bus stop and you meet a person there. Happen to exchange few words. Let the reason for these words be a necessity, or to kill mere boredom. If not a special striking attraction in the first sight :-P. What is a normal human reaction in such situations? Do you want to be yourself, or to be the best of yourself, or you do not care?! Or does it depend on the situations like how needy of friends you are? how irritated you are? how stupid you are?

To me it has always been this - a stranger is an alien to me. Not a harmful one though. But I simply treat them like a different species. Like a fly or an ant that we can ignore peacefully. Sorry for being rude, but till date I do not know how all the people in my life till date were once strangers to me. How did they end up being in my life? I seriously wonder how! Can I complain about this? I am glad that I do have people in my life who have a fair part in the play of my life, and who played their role when needed or demanded to their best.

I am just thinking if there is a theory or science behind this that converts a stranger to someone more meaningful to you. I am sure its not the attitude, looks, their dignity, their success, their beliefs, none of this counts. It must be simply a magic that happens. Somehow you end up meeting people, end up being their friends or more than that. There is no practice that you can adopt to make it happen with every other person that you meet in life. Cause I know that each of us would have people in our life's who in spite of spending years, moments, still remain strangers. Forever! There is nothing that can happen to change this. It is again only an illogical reasoning like 'magic' that can change all of this.

What if you have to live with a stranger each day of your life? For few it would be a challenging, exciting experience who enjoy talking to strangers and getting to know them. For people like me who are phobic to strangers, its a living nightmare. I hope I do not end up being a stranger to myself in this process of getting to know a stranger :-).