A Stranger To A Stranger

Parties. People. Fun. I always say yes to these. But most of the people well, people who do not fall into the categories of 'so-called' friends say that am a very reserved, matured, serious person. If you do not know me well, is that my problem? And I do not bother to explain myself to them. At times it is good to be treated this way. On the negative side people fear you, they think twice before they cross their limits to reach out to you, on the positive side they respect you, they are intrigued by you, for being a mysterious person.

Each of us are different people at different places of time and space. You are a different person at home, at office. You were a different person as a kid, as a grown up. But a stranger to yourself during all of these transitions, changes. You get familiar with the people, situations. With time everything changes to accommodate you, to make you more comfortable with your world around.

But do you remember those moments when you ended up being a stranger? A new school, new city, new college. A new job in a new office! What is it that makes the difference, that brings in the change that makes us more familiar to the situations. That makes people less distant? How does all of this work? What is the impression that you give when you meet an absolute stranger? Suppose you are in a library or at a bus stop and you meet a person there. Happen to exchange few words. Let the reason for these words be a necessity, or to kill mere boredom. If not a special striking attraction in the first sight :-P. What is a normal human reaction in such situations? Do you want to be yourself, or to be the best of yourself, or you do not care?! Or does it depend on the situations like how needy of friends you are? how irritated you are? how stupid you are?

To me it has always been this - a stranger is an alien to me. Not a harmful one though. But I simply treat them like a different species. Like a fly or an ant that we can ignore peacefully. Sorry for being rude, but till date I do not know how all the people in my life till date were once strangers to me. How did they end up being in my life? I seriously wonder how! Can I complain about this? I am glad that I do have people in my life who have a fair part in the play of my life, and who played their role when needed or demanded to their best.

I am just thinking if there is a theory or science behind this that converts a stranger to someone more meaningful to you. I am sure its not the attitude, looks, their dignity, their success, their beliefs, none of this counts. It must be simply a magic that happens. Somehow you end up meeting people, end up being their friends or more than that. There is no practice that you can adopt to make it happen with every other person that you meet in life. Cause I know that each of us would have people in our life's who in spite of spending years, moments, still remain strangers. Forever! There is nothing that can happen to change this. It is again only an illogical reasoning like 'magic' that can change all of this.

What if you have to live with a stranger each day of your life? For few it would be a challenging, exciting experience who enjoy talking to strangers and getting to know them. For people like me who are phobic to strangers, its a living nightmare. I hope I do not end up being a stranger to myself in this process of getting to know a stranger :-).

Guilt, Remorse or Pity

I know many of kids who want to be like their parents, a girl wanting to be like her MOM, a guy wanting to be like his Dad. Trying to imitate them, trying to imbibe their ideologies, mannerisms thinking that one day you would just be like them. This is the case of child with ‘Successful parents’. Successful in terms of financial or social status. Although this definition of being a successful parent is going to be redefined by me by the end of this post.

Bygone:

Am no different from being an ordinary person who wants to fit in the norms of society expectations. To me society is my friends acquaintances, so-called relatives.  Well that's pretty much a society for anyone isn’t it. Well am just being polite to myself from not identifying myself with those who worry about the judgment of every person they meet. Anyways, like any other struggling  middle class person, I hated my parents many a times. Be honest! Am sure each of us have gone through this. Each of us have judged our parents. I always wanted to be a better parent than my parents to my future kids. To give them everything that my parents did not give me. Most of these being not buying me that favorite dress or doll, not giving enough pocket money etc.  I always thought my DAD is a failure. With so many troubles that he faced in his life, I simply used to think that its his stupidity to land himself in those situations. That he is not smart enough.  I promised myself many a times that I am not going to be like him ever. And my MOM worries for every little thing.  And so many times I avoided discussing a problem with her just because she would compound my worries. But little did I realize what they have given me. A LIFE. An Identity of what I am today. The comfort that I get whenever I know that my MOM is worried for me. Knowing that she is there to cry with me. And that she is the only person on earth who would always, ALWAYS wish for my better.

Now:

Daddy visited  me last weekend.  I had to drop him at a bus stop on my way to office this Wednesday. We both got into my car.  For some reason, I was feeling very awkward.  Cause he is leaving? Cause I could not be a Son who could drop him at the Bus Station?  I myself have the luxury of a car to go to office but let him take a public transport to Bus Station? I could not think much on this as I had to concentrate on driving.

Finally his bus stop comes and he gets down. I hated myself to say ‘bye’ to Daddy. To wave him and say happy journey. I did not meet his eyes.  AS I was at the signal I could stop the car and see him in the rare view mirror. Poor man, walking all alone, by himself, with a bag on his shoulder that is weighing him down with burdens of the present, struggles of the past,  limitations of the age.  How could I comfortably sit in a car and watch him walk by?! I suddenly felt he is old. Time is such a bitch that it shows the meanness of life sooner or the later. He is not the same Daddy who was so strong, on whose shoulders I climbed, not the same Daddy who rough hands hurt my cheeks when he slapped me, whose strong arms held me when I was scared. I felt so sorry for him. Man who has ran through all the milestones of his life, is now walking with his bent shoulders.

I am not sure if it was guilt not being able to return back what he has given to me, or pity to see my father as a failure or hatred towards me to see him as a failure in the first place, that made me cry. Only words that came out of my mouth were “Daddy, I am so sorry”. I wish he had heard those words that am relieved from this pain. I wish I had ran back to him, gave him a big hug.

Now and Forever:

I proudly say that I have the worlds best parents. For giving us life, for making us what we are, for teaching us how important it is to be a human to actually SEE THE LIFE, FEEL THE LIFE AND LIVE THE LIFE.

You are the most successful parents  that we had, have and will have. FOREVER.

I love you Daddy, I love you MOM. I am proud and wish to be as selfless a person as each of you are.

Of Fallen Leaves and Mud Balls

Copy paste from Sujata's blog. I found this post on my cavalier surfing. Ironically it was a perfect timing for my nostalgia for my close friends.

Staying at home in the evenings while the rest of the neighbourhood kids played outside. I remember the sounds of children outside under the crimson sky, and me listening to mother telling me a story.. of a leaf and a mud ball, who were the greatest of friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“The mud ball was simply… mud coloured, fat and podgy and the leaf was light emerald green, delicate and pretty. And yet they cared a lot for each other.
They played together, laughed together, even danced together.. the leaf dancing gracefully and elegantly while the mud ball would flop around, trying hard to stay in step with his graceful friend.
Their affection made the forces of nature very jealous indeed.
The wind bragged “I am the most powerful one ! I shall blow hard and make the leaf fly away with me. That would be the end of this friendship.”
And so the wind blew as hard as it could.
The leaf started flying helplessly in the powerful gust and screamed for help. The mud ball panicked for a second, then suddenly thought of an idea. He jumped and sat on the leaf. The wind blew all he could, but could not separate the two friends.
Upon seeing this, the rain said “Now let me try – I shall melt this mud ball in seconds.”
And so the skies opened up and it rained heavily. The mud ball started dissolving in the rain and screamed. Suddenly he felt something covering him. It was gentle leaf who was lying on top of him and whispering “No one can harm you…. And no one can separate us.”
The rain poured and poured, but could do no harm.
The forces of nature got very angry indeed. They decided to unite together.
The rain and the wind came down in powerful gusts together. In a matter of seconds, the mud ball dissolved and disappeared in the earth… and the leaf blew far, far away.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother closed the book with a sigh. I looked at her with big eyes “Then what happened ?”
“Nothing.” She said.
“Didn’t they try to look for each other ?” I asked, my little heart breaking.
“Even if they tried, they would never have succeeded in finding each othere. The mud ball had ceased to exist. The leaf had blown too far away.”
My little world crumbled. For the first time, I realized that in my picture-perfect world, there exists… irreversible, irrevocable loss.
After that little poignant moment, every time I looked at a fallen leaf blowing in the autumn breeze, I wondered if it was searching for a lost friend, who would never be found again.
Looking back at my life, I have lived and relived many such moments when I have lost a friend due to well.. so many causes (read, wind) and always felt a poignant sadness, knowing that this is the end of that beautiful relationship I had been blessed with.
At the same time, it has made me value all those friends and family members who have been by my side and never left me, never said goodbye, no matter how much teh winds blew, no matter how much the rains poured.
Here’s to all fallen leaves and mud balls…. Life is too short. Stay by each other’s side. Let the winds blow. Let the rains pour on. Never say goodbye.

Dharmecha, Arthecha, Kamecha, Mokshecha Aham Evam Naati Charami

I have been intrigued by Marriage Rituals, meaning of these rituals, their significance and rationale behind all of these. I have not attended many marriages, even if I did, we were so caught up in catching up with the bunch of friends, family and relatives.So here goes my attempt to understand a marriage ceremony. I gathered all this from the internet.

Not many of us understand these rituals, mantras that bride/ groom are asked to recite. I wonder if atleast the Pandit who performs the ceremony understand them. Hindu marriages are performed in Sankrit language. So what does a Hindu marriage mean? And what we should look for in it, and how we should apply it to our lives. What's really involved, why do we go through all that ceremony, and what is the meaning of saying that we don't have the concept of divorce in Hindu marriage and why is it so?

Concept of Marriage - In the Hindu culture tells you how to translate this experience of unity in diversity. The Oneness.

Who is the bridegroom – The father of the bride worships the feet of the bridegroom in the marriage saying:

     Namostu anantaya sahasramurtaye Sahasrapadakshi shira uru bahave sahasranamne purushaya shashvate sahasrakoti yuga dharine namah

[ ( I bow down to him ) ( one who has no ending ) ( One who has a thousand forms ) (having a thousand heads ) ( one who has got a thousand rays coming from him ( sheer ) ( he is existing forever ) (for thousands of crores of eras, he has been there ) ]

The bridegroom is none other than MahaVishnu, physically present as an individual here, I am washing his feet. Sahasra murtaye, the one who has a thousand forms. In Sanskrit, the word thousand is used in a different sense than we normally understand . The three zeros are the three illusions of our wakefulness, of our dreaming and sleeping state. The reality, the one is you; you are experiencing all these three states. One thousand is meant to represent infinity of experiences in these three states of our being. So you see, you are not seeing the bridegroom as an individual. You are considereing him as a manifestation of Maha Vishnu directly. And it is to him the Kanya, the bride is being offered. 

Who is the Bride? 

The wealth of the lord, Maha Laksmi, aishvarya. All the wealth in the world, all the enjoyment, all the riches, all the experiences, they are the Maha Laksmi.

Kanyam kanaka sampannam sakala abharanih yutam.

This bride is offered as the wealth of the world unto thee, unto the God who owns this wealth.

Process of Marriage

1. NANDI - getting started

2. NISCHITARTHA - confirming the alliance

3. ANKURARPANA - creation of the alliance by lighting the yagna fire

4. LAJA HOMA - yagna

5. SNATHAKAM - graduation ceremony

6. UPANAYANAM - thread marriage

7. KASI YATHRA - the indecisive journey of the groom to kasi for the sanyasa and bringing him back to the house by the parents of the bride for the marriage.

8. KANYA DANAM - offering of the daughter for the marriage.

9. PANI GRAHANAM, SAPTHA PADHI, MANGALASUTHRA DHARANA, OR VEEKSHANAM - the seeing of each other, touching of each other, and walking together, and tying the knot of the marriage.

10. TALAMBRALU - aimed at the bringing the bride and the groom nearer in psychological and mental paths.

11. ARUNDHATHI DARSHANAM – The significance is to remind the pair about their cosmic responsibilities they have to perform in the coming walk of life.

12. GRIHAPRAVESAM - taking the bride to the in-laws house

13. APPAGINTHALU - handing over the daughter to the groom

14. DHRUVA DARSHANA

15. SOBHANAMU - nuptials

16. GARBHADANAM - the act of creation of the foetus.

Muhurtam

The actual muhurtam, when the two get married, is when they put their hands on each others' heads, it's called sumuhurta. You have a betel leaf, some jaggery, and some seeds, and that is kept on the heads of the bride and bridegroom mutually. he real meaning of the guru and sishya relationship is that like a transmitter and receiver. When I'm talking and you're listening, I'm the guru and you are the chela or sishya. But when you're talking and I'm listening, you're the transmitter and I'm the receiver; so you're the guru and I'm the sishya. You learn to see the oneness of yourself with the other. 

Upanayana means taking you near God. nayana means taking, upa means near. You're being taken near the Goddess, the mother Gayatri, by the thread ceremony. The thread ceremony entitles you to recite Gayatri Mantra. Gayatri is a Shakti who is ruling the whole world. She is the creatrix, she is the sustainer, she is also the destroyer. She combines all these powers into her. And if you get the right to recite the Gayatri, you become a Shakti upasaka, then you go through the transition called upanayana. The dynamic nature you have to understand, and implement, and expose yourself to in your life. 

Saptapadi : Marriage is based on friendship. To establish this relationship more completely, the Vedic mantras that are used in the marriage have what is called saptapadi, the seven steps that you walk together around the fire.

Few lines from this saptapadi are:

     Sakha saptipadi bhava - be my friend who walks these seven steps together.

    Sakhyam te gameyam - may I aspire to your friendship.

    Sakhyam temayoshah; sakhyam me ma yoshtyas – your friends are mine, my friends are yours

The seven steps that you go around the fire are supposed to be the seven chakras in your body, if you are aware of the psychic chakras, they are supposed to be seven centers where you're connected to the cosmos. By keeping your awareness in these centers you're able to connect to he cosmos. Those who are practicing yoga become the cosmos. Marriage is considered as yoga. Yoga is a part of samyoga, where two are merging together in total love, and then they practice yoga. The bride and groom take seven steps symbolizing a vow for each step towards one another.

1. Together we will share the responsibilities of home and children

2. Together we will develop mental, physical and spiritual strength

3. Together we will prosper and share our worldly goods

4. Together we will fill over hearts with great joy, peace and happiness

5. Together we will raise strong and virtuous children

6. Together we will remain faithful, lifelong partners.

7. Together we will cherish each other and our families in sorrow and happiness.

Purpose of the marriage? 

      Dharma praja sampatti artham striyam udvahe. 

The spark of life was given to us by our parents. And we have to repay that debt. And how do repay that debt? By procreation. By creating another spark of life, we repay that debt to our parents. And that reason is one of the prime reasons for marriage. So if you want to have children, you must beget them through a married partner. That is the dictum. Now we got what are called four purushartas, which are called dharma, artha, kama, moksha. In every samkalpa we say "Dharma, artha,, kama, moksha, cathur vidha phala purusharta siddharthyam. I want to do my duty, I want to earn money, I want to fulfill my desires, and I want to be liberated. These are the four basic desires that everyone has. So dharma is defined as giving the spark of life which have received from your father and mother, and pass on that life to a new life. So you have the bounden duty to continue this spark of life unbroken. And let the life evolve into higher an higher forms. So your defined purpose is to generate children and that is one of the prime reasons for marriage.